If you nursed your baby successfully (I'd call 'successful' nursing as long as whatever your goal was--for me, it was 1 year) I'd like to hear what your MAIN MOTIVATION was. What was your #1 reason for starting/continuing/succeeding? And did you come to any great inspiration about having done it? Did anybody ever say one thing to you or did you ever read one thing or hold one thing in your mind that just absolutely motivated you to not fail?

I am trying to encourage a friend who is nursing her first baby (I nursed one successfully, one not successfully) and I'm trying to find what I can say to here that might be the key to motivating her. She knows all the basics and wants to succeed but is having a hard time with the hard times if you've nursed, you probably know what I mean).

Thanks! Moms!

It is healthy for the baby... as long as the mother isn't in bad health or drugs.
It helps the mother lose weight and get her figure back.
They say babies bond better when you breast fed.
Never put a time limit on how long you will know when the baby is old enough
(with the exception of some 'earth mom' types that breast fed until their baby was almost four and they quit cause the kid said something embarrassing in public.)

Tell her to at least give it a fair try and if it isn't going to work then switch to the bottle.

Oh, well let's see... The benefits are tenfold to baby...

Fewer ear infections and respiratory problems... decreased risk of illness in early infancy because breast milk contains Mom's immunities... decreased risk of SIDS... decreased risk of asthma... less costly... Mom doesn't have to worry about mixing formula incorrectly...

I could really go on and on about this. It is a shame I could not breastfeed with my youngest (I had bilateral mastectomy), but he is the only of my 4 children that does have asthma.

Nohelp4U, J-9, Thanks, but I was hoping less for stuff I've read to her from breastfeeding manuals and more FROM THE HEARTS of experienced moms.

She can't project yet into health of a baby since she's not yet known the heartache of a sick baby. Nor to losing weight since she still has it to lose. But I'm somehow searching a concrete here and now THIS is what MOTIVATES me from my heart.

You know, even a mother can be self-centered. What can I possibly tell her that connects with her own self centeredness since she has yet to become a self-sacrificing mom? We know it in hindsight all the baby benefits/weightloss, but can any of us remember what we put into our hearts that STAYED there to keep us nursing in tough times? You know, what took us from inexperienced 'girl' into full-fledged MOM?

J-9, sorry to hear about your masectomy. I hope it resulted in an effective cure for you. God bless.

Thank you Wallabee, I am almost 11 years cancer free now.

As for your friend, this is a decision she has to make on her own. If you continue to push her she will just pull away from you. You have told her all you can from manuals and your own experience. Just let her make her own decision as it is only hers to make.

Many hospitals now have lactation consultants that come in after delivery that will talk to her and try to convince her. But you, as a friend, doing more than you already have may result in her becoming resentful that you are pushing your beliefs. This is a very personal and sensitive subject for some. If she is not motivated and receptive to your ideas already, this may just end up hurting the friendship.

I just figured it must be the best thing to do because all other mammals do it. I'm a biologist and know that mammaries are one of the defining traits of mammals. I also knew that it's much better for the long term health of the baby--health, immune function, intelligence, obesity, etc. I never questioned that I would do it. I figured if other people could do it, I could. Worst part was the first month, when my nipples were so sore I cried sometimes. But I got past that and then it was easy and so convenient, no bottles to wash, no need to worry about the milk going bad or keeping the bottles cold on a trip...

I could even nurse while typing at the computer. I thought it was really much more convenient than bottles. (I had to supplement with bottles for my first born, who was premature.) But I agree with J-9. It's up to the mother. She has to want to do it. It's her body. I am not clear why you think she's self-centered? Just because she doesn't want to nurse? I never thought of nursing as self-sacrificing. Not sure that would "sell" to someone as a motivating factor. What is she sacrificing by breast feeding vs. bottle feeding?
Asking

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Originally Posted by asking

I am not clear why you think she's self-centered?

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She could be self-centered in that she knows it will change her breasts for life. I know after I breast fed mine, although I loved breast feeding the ones I did, I was very self conscious about the changes in my nipples. I never felt attractive to my husband after that.

It's her choice, let her make it, and you really shouldn't bring it up again if you are a true friend.

Yikes! I believe I gave you the wrong impression. I haven't been hounding my friend. The thought process has all been in my own head, not in conversations with her. I am just listening to her struggle and know that before delivery she had been very excited about nursing and came to me for guidance since I had done it. She's hit a road block recently and I was justing throwing a question out there to others so that when I go see her I can have a bit more than just my own perspective. I was thinking that perhaps if I knew what motivated anyone other than myslf that I might have a better chance of hitting a chord with her. (I am a stay at home mom, she is more of a career girl. We are about 20 years apart in age)

As far as 'self centered' it was not a judgement of my friend. Have you ever read How to Win Friends and Influence people? EVERYONE thinks of themselves/their perspective first--like when you look at a group photo that you are in--where do you look first? At yourself! Moms do indeed lean more towards thinking of their children before themselves (sometimes!) but I didn't mean that breast feeding is self-sacrificing. I may have worded something wrong...

Oh, well, I guess we did misunderstand you then. Sowwie. Although my position will still stay the same. Our stories will not influence her, because she doesn't know us.

Being a working mother and breastfeeding can sometimes be like a one armed man trying to juggle. Yes, it's possible, but depending on her particular job, is it feasible? For you, and me with my first 2 pregnancies, the answer was easy, but for someone with a career this is a very hard decision because baby will have to be bottle fed while she is at work, she will have to pump while at work, bottles are easier to suckle than the breast is, so baby may stop suckling at breast when she is home... etc. If you are going to breast feed you need to devote all your time to it.

Try this website, they are very helpful. LLLI | Home

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Originally Posted by wallabee4

She's hit a road block recently and I was justing throwing a question out there to others so that when I go see her I can have a bit more than just my own perspective..

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I hit a block one time with my first baby and was really starting to think about giving up. My sister in law was a member of the nursing mother's counsel and she came over and gave me a pep talk. She gave me some advice (which didn't work). I don't think it was what she said though. It was just having someone come over and acknowledge that I was having a hard time and that it can be hard. That's what mattered. I got back in the saddle and tried some more and got through the block. I think just be there for your friend, and hold her hand etc.

But I agree too that it is much harder if a person has a regular job and they won't let her take the baby to work or have someone bring the baby and nurse there. My first baby was premature, so they sent a nurse to visit me and she had me log ALL my time nursing. For a while I was literally nursing 9 hours a day. I still have the log sheets to prove it. A person can't do that and hold down a regular job.

Asking

Thanks, Wallabee. How did it go with your friend?

She did get through that tough time, don't know if I had any help in it or not, really, but she had to quit once the teeth came in! :) I'm proud of her. I'm proud of all us Moms who manage to do it. I know I can see/feel the benefits in my kids and I can see the benefit in myself. I think it was harder challenge than pregnancy and childbirth, in fact. But I learned stress-coping skills that have seen me through tough times in other aspects of life!

Yay! I'm really glad to hear that she was able to continue. I agree about being proud of all the mothers who have persevered, often with lots of other challenges going on or not much support. You said it well. Child birth is tough, but it pretty much happens to you and then it's over. Breast feeding require persistence, especially in the first few weeks. Wouldn't it be great if there was more official support for mothers doing their job, instead of treating it like a particularly time consuming hobby, to be done on one's own time.