Hello, [SORRY THIS IS LONG =(]

I posted a question before about my ex telling people he wants me to hate him.
Anyway, I did a VERY VERY VERY SO INCREDIBLY stupid thing just then. Argh I hate myself for doing it, I signed into his Facebook account...

You know I couldn't even breathe after I saw all the messages he had written. I know... wrong of me, I know that. ARGHHHHHHh I feel so cheated out of this relationship. I really loved him. He broke up with me when I went overseas for 1 week. As soon as I came back, he was all distant and cold. I think like a week or 2, we "mutually" agreed to finish up. I say "mutual" because only in hindsight could I see that he picked a stupid fight with me, went like crazy overboard and made me feel so guilty.

The fight was over sex. I didn't want to do it because his 6 year old sister was outside his room and kept on wanting to play. So naturally I didn't feel comfortable, etc. We had big issues with sex mostly because I didn't feel ready - I did when we started, and then I got scared, felt too much pressure, felt it was wrong because I know my parents would be so disappointed in me. Anyway, long story short... he slept over at this stupiddddd skank's house (I hate her so much, and I'm so anti-hate you know? I think it's so bad to hate people) like a week later. And I questioned him, and he gave me BS answers.

ANyway, he said over and over, nothing happened. After consistently lying and hiding her for 2 months, I found out they were now together.

I guess the point is, it's been 9 months. I still cry everyday. I'm so angry at myself, why can't I just move the fck on. I guess it's because we had school together for this entire year. From March to just now. I saw him everyday. It was torturous, and I tried to be on good terms.

I don't understand him anymore. He broke my heart and he knows that, but still he thinks he "has to be mean, I need her to hate me".

I mean this story could go on forever. My parents hated him, and it was a massive issue for us to meet. I know this girl... I've heard is easy. I'm not even saying that because I hate her, but because I've heard from even HIS friends that she's slutty. BUt also, as he so kindly told me "her parents aren't here" - she's an international student, so "she can do anythign". It kills me that he could fall for her. I think she chased him. She broke up with her boyfriend for him.

They're going overseas together at the end of this year. I feel so cheated. It's not as though I had a free ride in the relationship, but stillll he tells me all my fault. AND still I cry everyday. OMGGGG I'm so scared I'll never forget him/this. I'm 22. He was my first love, I was supposedly his first love. Now I doubt if I ever meant anything.

I'm so so so so incredibly sick of crying. Please help. Anyone.

I guess I should add that he was all like "I don't want another relationship" PFFFT. He also told my friend like about 2 months ago that he still thinks of me, but has to be mean because once he lets his guard down then he'll fall for me again. But I read his stupid messages, I think he genuinely likes her. I guess me and her are so different, our relationship wasn't that easy I know that. I don't think she has issues about sex. It hurts that he lied so much, and cheated. But in the end, I'm the stupid one, its been 9 months and still... I'm crying everyday. Argh I should stop repeating myself.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sadsilly

Hello, [SORRY THIS IS LONG =(]

I posted a question before about my ex telling people he wants me to hate him.
Anyway, I did a VERY VERY VERY SO INCREDIBLY stupid thing just then. argh i hate myself for doing it, I signed into his facebook account...

You know I couldn't even breathe after I saw all the messages he had written. I know... wrong of me, I know that. ARGHHHHHHh I feel so cheated out of this relationship. I really loved him. He broke up with me when I went overseas for 1 week. As soon as I came back, he was all distant and cold. I think like a week or 2, we "mutually" agreed to finish up. I say "mutual" because only in hindsight could I see that he picked a stupid fight with me, went like crazy overboard and made me feel so guilty.

The fight was over sex. I didn't want to do it because his 6 year old sister was outside his room and kept on wanting to play. So naturally I didnt feel comfortable, etc. We had big issues with sex mostly because I didnt feel ready - I did when we started, and then I got scared, felt too much pressure, felt it was wrong because I know my parents would be so disappointed in me. Anyway, long story short... he slept over at this stupiddddd skank's house (i hate her so much, and I'm so anti-hate you know? I think it's so bad to hate people) like a week later. and I questioned him, and he gave me BS answers.

ANyway, he said over and over, nothign happened. After consistently lying and hiding her for 2 months, I found out they were now together.

I guess the point is, it's been 9 months. I still cry everyday. I'm so angry at myself, why can't I just move the fck on. I guess it's because we had school togehter for this entire year. from March to just now. I saw him everyday. it was torturous, and I tried to be on good terms.

I don't understand him anymore. He broke my heart and he knows that, but still he thinks he "has to be mean, I need her to hate me".

I mean this story could go on forever. My parents hated him, and it was a massive issue for us to meet. I know this girl ..... I've heard is easy. I'm not even saying that because I hate her, but because I've heard from even HIS friends that she's slutty. BUt also, as he so kindly told me "her parents aren't here" - she's an international student, so "she can do anythign". It kills me that he could fall for her. I think she chased him. She broke up with her bf for him.

THeyre going overseas together at the end of this year. I feel so cheated. It's not as tho I had a free ride in the relationship, but stillll he tells me all my fault. AND still I cry everyday. OMGGGG I'm so scared I'll never forget him/this. I'm 22. he was my first love, I was supposedly his first love. Now i doubt if I ever meant anything.

I'm so so so so incredibly sick of crying. please help. anyone.

I guess I should add that he was all like "I don't want another relationship" PFFFT. he also told my friend like about 2 months ago that he still thinks of me, but has to be mean because once he lets his guard down then he'll fall for me again. But I read his stupid messages, I thikn he genuinely likes her. I guess me and her are so different, our relationship wasn't that easy I know that. I don't think she has issues abotu sex. It hurts that he lied so much, and cheated. but in the end, im the stupid one, its been 9 months and still... im crying everyday. argh i shoudl stop repeating myself.

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What you compromise to keep you might loose... I say that in regards to this other women, sure she may be giving him whatever he wants, sex whenever he wants, doing all the things you didn't... But that does not mean she is the "ONE" she is giving too much and after a while that begins to fade as far as if he cheated on you while you were faithful.. There is a saying "If they cheated with you they will cheat on you" so if he cheated on you with this other girl I wouldn't worry about that either.. Karma is a.. About you not getting over him that is normal.. But first love is all he was.. Doesn't mean he will be your last love.. If you can't think of one thing to smile about I will tell you what you can do, write down all the things you are thankful for... You will be surprised of the outcome.. I know this sound silly but the more you realize what you have to be happy about your sadness will begin to fade.. Take him off the pedestal that you have him on right now, He is not all your Happiness you create your own happiness.. You are in control over what bothers you. Not him. What are you doing for yourself? Are you taking care of yourself.. I Can tell how sincere and you seem like a wonderful and I would say beautiful girl. “Worry doesn't help tomorrow's troubles, but it does ruin today's happiness.”

“When we're incomplete, we're always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we're still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on--series polygamy--until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter.”
Tom Robbins

Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”

Well judging by your post, it sounds like you are still in contact with him? If so that is the first thing that has to stop, especially if he is saying things like its all your fault. You will NEVER get better if you are talking to him. Also tell your friends to stop giving you updates on him and what he says. This is not helping you one bit. People say they don't want another relationship all the time, they will say its them not you, etc etc. It doesn't matter what was said because its over now and you need to close this chapter of your life.

First loves take a long time to get over, but it won't start getting better until you actively take the steps to healing. Positive thinking will do WONDERS for your mood. I know it sounds corny but it really works in the long term. First thing to realize is that you WILL be perfectly OK some day (no idea when). Just know that somewhere in your future is a version of you who is extremely happy without this person. That way you can look at these sad days as building towards the day when you are happy. If all you think is that it will go on forever, then it might.

*GIGANTIC HUG!! * omg this guy needs hit hard over the side of the head!! Reason?

HE'S MAKING YOU FEEL BAD! IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT IT'S HIS! He had a genuine love from you. And he breaks up with you for some over seas chick? Not to mention he cheated on you and got mad just cause you wanted to wait to have sex! That's not a man THAT'S A FREAKING PLAYER!!

Look I dated a guy who I loved very much... and we were close... till we got intimate. Then he turned into a royal! I found out he was using me too! I thought it was my fault too. I cried a lot! I thought about my looks and attitude and thought it was all me. Then after I had finished crying one night, I sat and thought about all the wrongs he had done me. Thought about all the pain he caused me. And realized it wasn't my fault! Was it my fault he turned into a sex craved ? No. That was him! Just like it's his fault he lost you because he was packing testosterone!! You know normally I give very controlled and calm advice but I can't help getting upset over this!

Like I said just sit and think about this guy seriously! Think about what he did to you! Yes he was your first love... but compare the good to the bad and seriously think... why are you crying over someone who obviously never cared?

As for saying that he still thinks of you? BS! My ex texted my friend the other day and she told him about me accidentally hitting a car. His answer? "If only she had hit her head and realized that I still love her and could never hurt her"...

... yes yes makes so much sense considering he spread rumors about me around school and used me for sex...

Point blank... FORGET THAT!! You seem nice and you have a good heart... you can find a good man! I'm going to stop now before I start ranting more about my ex >.<

That kind sounds like my old relationship I was a girl who dated an international student and we spend everyday together from janauary till June then I went to this home country for July and I returned to my home country in August. We broke up yesterday I signed into his email and found love letters to another girl.. I called him and found out he had cheated on me and everything. It does hurt I know, but try to think like you don't deserve him all he is doing is hurting you. You have to go to the hairdressers get sexy new hair , go shopping a bit and next school day don't even look at him. He will eventully realize how stupid he is. Also from what I said with my relationship after he comes back from her country they will probably break up!! Just chill out start goingout with your friends , everything will eventually be fine! If you want to private message me, feel free to I don't mind I am home all day, depressed about my now ex boyfriend cheating on me

Take care!

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...123862.html://

Just in case you did not read that stikey, do so now.

As far as his sexual urges being different from your's only proves that he did not respect you in the first place. He was thinking only of himself..

Now it's time to gain that self-respect and self-confidence back and eventually get to know someone who respects you for who you are and respects your values. Partners can and will learn together but it will be on mutual grounds and includes communication, not degrading, pressure, complaining and debasement.

You deserve better, and just because he was your first, as Jolienoire said, he won't be your last. This will probably take time, and you need to heal from this failure first, but the right one will make you feel loved, respected, and warm.

A self-serving cheater is not what you deserve, so let him mess up someone else's mind, not your's. The crap he's telling his friends about still liking you and fear of losing control is just to make himself look better, nothing else.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif We all had our 'firsts' and our 'lasts' and survived them all in our own way. We will help you survive this one..

Hello everyone,
thank you very for much replying and your kind comments. I appreciate it so much, I just feel absolutely exhausted, my mind is like blank and all I feel is hurt.

SIIGH. It's like every time I learn something new about him, I have a massive break down. I don't know how I could care so much. It really hurts that I've been replaced I guess. And I know I sound bitter, but it really bothers me that he never felt pain and suffering when we broke up, because of HER.

There has been zero contact since about 3 weeks ago - when school finished up. I know and understand it needs to be like that.

I mean I don't want to be with him anymore. For like months I really wanted to be back with him, but I don't want that anymore. I just can't believe that he completely replaced me and is going overseas with her. She's honestly everything that he would not like in a girl, I can't believe he chose her over me - not because I think I'm so good or anything but because of characteristics she has.

I guess I'm finally understanding that words are cheap. I agree, he must have said all that stuff because he wanted to look better. He told my friend that he was single and intended to stay that way. LIAR.

I hope my mind is strong enough to just try to think positively. It's like I'm trying to do something, and then randomly I'll think about him, when he was a nice person and I miss that. I miss someone being there for me, and it's seriously just so **** that he didn't feel that way over me. I don't know, is that an ego thing?

Anyway, thank u very much. It's always good to hear from another perspective. Thank u.

That's what we are here for, and you too will survive this.

You will go through the stages just like many others here, and what's good about it is, that you'll get help from those who have advanced.

Just remember, you are not alone in this and it's all part of growing to be who you eventually want for yourself.

Again, good luck.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gifI'm 56, and have forgotten a lot of what you still have to learn about life. Really, it's not all that bad and painful. Look forward to the joy ahead of you.

Thanks Chery. I don't know how he could like her so fast. This feeling of being replaced just kills me. I don't know how not to think of it, like I don't want to be with him, but I just hate him for doing this and hurting me. I don't know.

Just think, one of these days a girl will treat him just as bad and he'll have the same thoughts and questions "how could this happen to me"... It happens to all of us some time in our lives, it's called rejection and it hurts, but I promise, we all get over it and get stronger in dealing with rejection. It's nothing personal, it's the other person who is uncaring about feelings, simple as that.

Don't put yourself down for having good values and morals, be proud instead. Laugh at 'his loss', not your's.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif I'm 56 and I know what I'm talking about, so stay with us, we'll help you get through it.

Understanding and generally very good advice.