I am in a really sticky situation. I have been with my boyfrind for 6months, we have a pretty good relationship, we are quite open with each other. My boyfriend lives in a shared house with some guys. Tonight they were planning to go play poker at a strip club which I was extremely uncomfortable with. I trust my partner, buuut, you know it just feel wrong.

Him going to a strip club makes me feel degraded. And then I think well when you feel like having a "dirty" (cheeky) night then just go to strippers. It's like, well you have gone there before to access that pleasure, then go again. It feels like by him going to a strip club he is allowing someone else impede on our relationship. Next he'll be asking to go to a prostitute when he feels like he's getting bored with me. Nooooo. That's me getting too emotional.

I feel really cheapened by the idea of him going to a strippers. I love my boyfriend heaps, and I know he really loves me, but I feel really cheapened and betrayed by the idea of him going to a strippers. He asked me why it was any different to him looking at porn and I feel that the interaction and feelings/dirty thoughts and temptations that would be brought on by a stripper, stripping in a sexual manner in front of him, to be disrespectful to me and our relationship.

I fear being a girl that is too controlling of my partner. I know I am lucky because his housemates tried convincing him to go with them and lie to me that he didn't go. He didn't listen to them, I know I am lucky. I just don't know whether to listen to my values that are telling me that this is completely wrong, or to one part of my heart that is reminding me of how much he loves me and wouldn't che at on me, but then another part says but what if he does enjoy it at a particular sexual level9psychologically) and then he starts having dirty thoughts and a desire to be sexually active with one of them. :confused: Which voice in my head do I listen to. My head is a mess, please help me.

First thing you need to know - the only thing in your boyfriends pants that the girls in the strip clubs are interested in is his wallet, period. Have you ever been in a strip club? You and he should go together once, really. Your impressions of what they are all about are extremley false and you need to know what is going on there for your own peace of mind. If your boyfriend and his friends go to nice clubs with pretty girls the rules about even thinking about touching the girls are so strict you can get tossed out for thinking about it. The "nasty" clubs that allow guys to even touch the girls on the arms or shoulders have disgusting looking girls, I am sure your boyfriend isn't interested in trading down for. Nice strip clubs allow the guys to talk to a girl, get a little show of exposed boobs and butts and that is that. They can't touch the girls and the girls can't touch them. If they do it's called pandering obscenity and they can get arrested. You have a better chance of him getting some on the side from some skank down at his favorite regular bar. Here is what really happens, he gets to see and talk to some pretty girls who he gives some money to he goes home with some nice thoughts and you reap the benefits with some good sex. Guys are very visual so they like to look at mostly naked pretty women, and they need their egos stroked by having pretty girls pay attention to them. In a strip club the only thing getting stroked by those girls is the money as they walk away with it. If you can't trust him in a strip club (the safest venue) then other bars and even the grocery store is out. Women on the street are far more dangerous. Remember a relationship is just that, a relationship. If you have to keep pulling the leash then you need a different dog. A guy who truly loves you isn't going to stray, and "window shopping" or looking at other girls isn't going to make him stray. Again guys are visual and they appreciate the beauty of other women, they like to look. If your relationship is solid he is only going to look. If he isn't getting what he needs from your relationship (whatever it may be) he knows to hit the local bar where he can pick up some bimbo for free, he's not going to get that at a strip club.
I also need to provide you with some information about the girls in the strip clubs. They aren't what you think either. Nice clubs with pretty girls, those girls are there for the money. College tuition is expensive and so are kids. Most of them have one or the other or both, and some of them are even married. It is good quick money with short hours. Most girls don't dance for more than 5 years. Some get trapped by the money but most are in and out. I started dancing at 18 just after my 1st son was born. I went to college during the day (paid for it myself) bought my 1st house at 21 (20% downpayment) quit dancing at 23 got married and have 2 more kids. At 41 now my oldest son and his wife just made me a grandmother and I am still married to the same man. I have my own business and I am relatively successful. My husband, who I did not meet in a strip club (we dated 3 months before I told him I had been a stripper), still goes to strip clubs with his friends and complains about the strippers being boring. If says that for my ego so be it, I still get great sex out of it and I know he's just going to look. The bottom line is I trust him and he trusts me. If he was going to stray he would have done it by now.
Guys who are smothered by their girls will stray just to get even. If they are allowed to go out and have good clean fun with no strings attached they will love you even more for it. Guys will do what they are going to do, and so will we. If he loves you he won't do things that will hurt you but if you tell him he can't do things because your perception of something is bad he may do it behind your back. THAT is bad, THAT is lying and deception- end of relationship. You need to trust him until he gives you reason not to. If you get a real reason to not trust him then you need to move on. There are a lot of guys out there. Make sure you make your decisions on facts not other people opinions, such as what a strip club is really like. Someone has given you mis information and you are calling it fact, and it is far from the truth. They probably are spewing someone else's opinion since they don't know the facts either. Let him go and tell him to have a good time, and don't make him "pay" for going (no cold shoulder no BS no snide remarks). He wants to have fun, don't you want him to be happy to?

A controlling attitude will get you no where with him and may ruin your relationship if he thinks he has to lie to be a free spirit and enjoy some fun with his friends. So it's a strip club that doesn't mean he is being unfaithful.

I will say this, first if you don't want him to go, if you have a relastionship where you are free to be honest, first be honest with him that you don't like the idea of him going.

Next "playing cards" unless this is one of the very cheap places where they have illegal gambling in a back, you don't go to a strip club to play cards ( so dark I doubt you could see the cards)

And I will note most of the strippers I have known though the years are interested only in his money, they have no sexual interest in him what so ever.

Hey I use to go with my boyfriend to the strip club

I find this question very interesting. I once was like you and I had a problem with my husband going to a strip club. We have been married for almost eight years, and in that time a lot has changed. My husband and I attend strip clubs together now, at least once a month. It is a way for us to unwind. There were a lot of things I had to get used to before I became comfortable with the idea of a strip club. The first one was that when my man tells me he thinks I am beautiful, it means that he really does find me beautiful, but that doesn't mean he won't want to look at other. I mean he could be married to Angelina Jolie and he would still want to look at other women. And we women do the same thing, checking out the cute guy that opened the door for us, or ogling the hot guy in the movie. We can't get too upset over it, really.

The other thing you have to realize is that men enjoy women's bodies, especially when they are unclothed. Even if you were to walk around nude twenty four hours a day for your man he would still want to go to the strip club. It is not because you are lacking, its because women come in so many different shapes and sizes, and most of them are extremely beautiful. And I think they are much more beautiful than a naked man. That may be why we don't have the urge to go down to the male strip club every week. Strip clubs are not whore houses. They are a place to go to drink some beers, watch beautiful women dance, and watch the game on a giant screen.

And being fearful that he will head to a prostitute next time you have a head ache is understandable, but t the same time a far cry from the strip club. The stripclub is a fantasy, and you may be in a few of them, or more than you would believe.

I have been where you are, and I understand your unease, but maybe you should go with your man to a club a couple of times and see what they are all about. I think it would make you a lot more comfortable with the idea. If you are uncomfortable with the idea of entering a club, I can assure you that many women go with their significant others. I enjoy it, and although I don't know you, I can hope you would too. Just get dressed up and go.

Trust your gut instinct (and I think we both know what that is.) When something doesn't seem right, it usually isn't. You've made your feelings known to him and that's good. But it sounds like he's going to go regardless. That being the case, you have to decide whether to tolerate this behavior. As you've already said, it could set a bad precedent and lead to unhealthy situations.

Opinions will range from one extreme to another, but the bottom line is, is your relationship solid enough to allow each other to express yourselves, and not control the partner. Do you both have the freedom, if not the blessing to do as you want, as long as its within boundaries you both agree on?? After only six months and still at the getting to know you stage, Do express how you feel, and listen to his side. Don't demand, or take his choice personally. In the end its your choice if his actions are a dealbreaker, or not.