What do you do when you like a guy but your friend likes him too?

I didn't realize that she liked him at first, so I tried to hint to her that I like him, hoping she would help me. But when she ignored my hints, I realized that she probably likes him too.

I want to give up on the guy, but I can't. He swooped in when I was very upset and was there for me through thick or thin. I love being around him, it's so hard to give it all up.

The girl is trying to be nice to me. We all used to work together, but I recently left the company and she's trying to set up a get together dinner for me. But I saw on her MSN name just now that she's at home playing her Wii all by herself. I know that she plays the Wii at his apartment all the time, but he's gone to the hockey game tonight.

I think she's trying to hint to me that they spend a lot of time together. This is also probably the reason why he's been refusing to do anything with me lately, because playing the Wii with her is more fun than spending time with me. I've asked him to let me play the Wii too because I was jealous that she got to stay at his apartment, but he refused.

I don't know if there's anything between them, but I sometimes feel like I'm preventing them from getting together. I don't think the girl has done anything wrong, but I don't know why I'm reluctant to talk to her. Maybe they are trying to tell me that they don't want to hurt me but they want me to leave them alone? Am I reading into this too much?

I don't know if this is the right thing to do, but if it bothers me this much, maybe I should talk to her? Something like this?

"So you still play the Wii with him a lot lately? Remember what you said to me a while back how if I like someone and it bothers me so much, that I should confront the girl? You said that you had a friend who wrote a letter to another girl saying that if the other girl likes some guy, that your friend would wish her well. You said the other girl told your friend that she made a mistake and that the other girl never liked the guy. You said if you never ask you would never know, one way or the other. And that once you know, only then can you decide what to do ... whether you were worried about nothing or that you should let go. I just want to know how things are going between you two and if there is something, I hope you guys work out."

Would that be appropriate? Would that be manipulative? Am I lying to her and myself if I say "I hope you guys work out" when I want him and I to work out? But if there is something between them, me letting go is the only option I have, right? Is there anything I should say differently?

I can't talk to him about this because I don't want to ruin our friendship. I don't want to ruin my friendship with her either, but I choose to talk to her because I think the damage would be smaller, that she should be able to relate, we won't feel awkward if she tells me that she doesn't like him, and because his friendship much more important to me than hers. But if they do end up together, I don't think I can bear being around both of them.

I am not sure if you want to hear this but I'm going to be blunt, if they like each other and they want to get together, be happy for them. There's lots of men out there and if you focus on another boy you'll lose interest in the one your friend likes soon enough. Remember the chicks before s rule too, don't ever sacrifice a friendship for a boy because if it doesn't work out you will regret it. Make sure your friend knows this.
If you are not sure whether the boy is into you or your friend, check his body language. Men subconciously and naturally turn their upper body towards the whatever is the most important thing in the room to him. And maybe he's not into either of you. Whatever it is, you and your friend need to support each other and without a green light neither of you should date him.

We used to talk online throughout the day every single day, including weekends and after work, even though we saw each other at work every day... we frequently did things after work and even on the weekends... whether with one or two other friends/co-workers... or just me and him alone

He's very fickle with most of the people at work... so we hung out as friends, not as co-workers... he said he refuses to spend time with co-workers outside of work... and it was him who first got offended when I referred to him as my co-worker and not as my friend (this was a long time ago).

Now that I don't work there anymore, it feels like our friendship died... he doesn't seem to have the need to talk about random nothingness anymore or want to do things with me anymore... I miss that so much and it makes me sad... I tried so hard not to let our friendship die, but I feel like I'm a nuisance if I'm the one who's doing all the work... I was afraid that this would happen and dreaded my last day of work so at the time, so I lightheartedly made him promise not to forget about me by keeping me updated and by continuing to hang out together... he agreed he would try his best... so what happened to us?

What happened to you is what happens to millions of us. Life, interests, infatuations, and just palin changing of minds. We have no control over what others do in their lives and should not get stuck when it does not work out the way we wanted.

Just imagine you were in the military and had to be stationed somewhere else every three years or so, do you think those people get sad or go crazy because they cannot keep up with all the friends and asquaintances they made?

Get over it, make new friends, and find new interests.

Real meaningful friendships will last a lifetime but only when they are mutually meant to be.

Take care dear, and keep us posted. You'll get over this, I promise.

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[QUOTE=Chery]What happened to you is what happens to millions of us. Life, interests, infatuations, and just palin changing of minds. We have no control over what others do in their lives and should not get stuck when it does not work out the way we wanted.

Man! I think I am going to frame this statement!! Could have saved me years of terrible times if I had understood that concept a lot sooner.

He just barged into my life when I didn't ask him for help (although I did need help, because I was liking some other guy at the time, but that didn't work out). Many of my other friends were helping me too, but he was the only one who went full out to help me get hooked up with that other guy and to console me when I got rejected.

Over time, I saw a lot of qualities in him that I look for in a guy that I would want to be together with. He made me feel safe and protected because he was there for me the whole entire time, through thick or thin. He went to great lengths to do many things for me. His humour was what helped me get over that other guy so quickly. I love hanging around him and talking to him and doing things with him. I felt I could say anything to him, no matter how ridiculous, because I felt so comfortable around him. He was my best friend. I wanted to get to know him better, but I guess that pushed him away?

Now, it feels like he just walked out of my life, without warning, without telling me why, taking everything we developed along with him and making me feel empty and deprived. How can he be so heartless? He was such a caring, sensitive guy, so why is he being so insensitive now? How can he be constantly calling that other guy a jerk when he's doing the same thing to me himself? Does he not care about me anymore?

He used to bombard me with messages throughout the day and we would talk about ANYTHING. All of the sudden, it's like he doesn't care much about me anymore. When I try to talk to him, his responses are short, evasive, and sometimes don't even make sense. It bugs me how we can suddenly stop talking like the way we used to.

Should I even ask him if there's anything wrong? But I can see it already... he'll say there's nothing wrong.

I've been trying not to message him as much as I used to... to make myself look less clingy/needy... and have been trying to wait for him to message me first until I can't stand it.

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Originally Posted by enlighten_me

He just barged into my life when I didn't ask him for help (although I did need help, because I was liking some other guy at the time, but that didn't work out). Many of my other friends were helping me too, but he was the only one who went full out to help me get hooked up with that other guy and to console me when I got rejected.

Over time, I saw a lot of qualities in him that I look for in a guy that I would want to be together with. He made me feel safe and protected because he was there for me the whole entire time, through thick or thin. He went to great lengths to do many things for me. His humour was what helped me get over that other guy so quickly. I love hanging around him and talking to him and doing things with him. I felt I could say anything to him, no matter how ridiculous, because I felt so comfortable around him. He was my best friend. I wanted to get to know him better, but I guess that pushed him away?

Now, it feels like he just walked out of my life, without warning, without telling me why, taking everything we developed along with him and making me feel empty and deprived. How can he be so heartless? He was such a caring, sensitive guy, so why is he being so insensitive now? How can he be constantly calling that other guy a jerk when he's doing the same thing to me himself? Does he not care about me anymore?

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There will be others that barge into your life, give them a chance. There are some nice guys out there and you can take all the time you need to discover their attributes. You just might be surprised. Don't put him on such a high pedestal, You found one... you'll find more...

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It seems to me that they do want some space but are trying not to hurt your feelings by being blunt about it. You should perhaps take a step back and stop calling and asking to go play on the wii etc... see where it goes and what they do... only then will you really be able to judge the situation.
Good luck