My step son is 23 and he lies and steals and has a huge problem with spending money he don't have is this an illness? BTW His mom was bi-polar and really messed up . This kid don't think anything is wrong with him ,but he works 2 jobs and he spends all his money and tells us he didn't make any but when he brings us his check stubs he has made plenty . He said its because we ask him about things is why he lies. He has trouble with the law because of his stealing and not paying bills I am at my wits end and I need help Please .

It could be symptom of being bipolar, it's hard to say without knowing more. Does he have any other strange behavioural traits? Does he spend a lot of time alone? Do his moods seem to fluctuate a lot? Is he particularly quiet? Does he have unusual sleeping patterns (more unusual than most 22 year olds)?
I don't want to jump to conclusions, but if he's spending huge amounts and you don't know what he's buying, it's possible that he could be purchasing drugs (or something else that he doesn't want you to know about).
I'm assuming that he lives with you. Try asking him what he's spending his money on, but try not to crowd him. If you hound him constantly he'll most likely pull away. Try to be patient and talk with him. If you're really worried about his stealing habits, perhaps reinforce the idea that he could be in real legal trouble if it continues.
He might have a problem, it's difficult to say. Just remember to be there for him and try to get him to talk.
Good luck,
Kal

We have gave him a lot of space . He stays in his room and hardly comes out he writes letters to his dead mother and that's all that's in his Journal mind you I have never read it he told me this . He spends his money on eating out and dr peppers and whatever else he wants but he lies about it always. He makes enough money to have his own place and he seems to want to spend it on nothing instead of paying his bills so he ask to borrow money all the time I put a stop to that. He is already in trouble with the law he has court Monday the 19th for a felony charge of fraud I don't know what else we can do for him. It's way out of control. He is spiteful and lives here free he said he didn't understand why he can't spend his money he makes but he has 418+6 in fines to pay and he has hardly paid anything on them

It sounds as if he could be going through a phase of depression. I don't want to jump to conclusions, it's just a thought. He's obviously missing his mother, and if he's writing her letters he probably has a fairly morbid mindset. He might not be aware of how difficult he's making life for you, or he might just have reached a level of apathy that has stopped him from caring. He sees you as a parent and is taking you for granted. It's not fair on you, but he might be unable to do anything about it at the moment.
Perhaps you could take advantage of his upcoming court appearance to suggest he see a psychiatrist or counsellor. People going through emotional struggles are often treated with more lenience by the legal system, and that if he sees a therapist it might help him in court. If you suggest this to him, it might be less awkward than trying to get him to open up to you.
Kal

Wow do you and I have this in common,the spending past their income...

My daughter is 21, 2 jobs(ok 1 full time, one part time) making money like I never did at her age,and spending it like tomorrow will never come.

I have looked at the 'politically correct' posts,addressing the 'next generation'(whatever they are labeled now),and gotten a little outsiders views on them,specifically their work habits.

They seem to think the world owes them and they are going to get it,one way or another.

Did we go wrong raising them somehow?I, for one, don't think so!

Is this a trend in young people today, Sure it is!

Help for you, heck I need that help too,I am going to read and post in hopes of finding a few words of encouragement from others too.

Rosa, You are not to blame, Is he old enough to be on his own?Mine is, BUT,I can't let her leave(sound familiar?) she just isn't ready to face REAL LIFE yet.(PULLING HAIR OUT... lol:))

Is 'Tough Love' called for ,Yes, it probably is.

Am I capable of doing this 'Tough Love' and sending her out in the 'Real world' Not yet.

So the question is, HOW DO I HELP HER, HELP HERSELF, WITHOUT CAUSING HER TO HATE ME?

I can't.

I am looking forward to hearing others respond to this.I hope you are too.

Ken

Ken, overspending is one thing, but if it's to the extent of being in legal trouble, it looks like more than just a generational trend. I realise that my generation is prone to sponging off parents, but this is slightly different.
All the same, it might do him good to force him to sort out his own mess for a change... or it might result in him getting in much bigger trouble. It's hard to say and, no doubt, even harder to deal with.
Keep us posted,
Kal

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Originally Posted by resawright

we have gave him alot of space . he stays in his room and hardly comes out he writes letters to his dead mother and thats all thats in his Journal mind you I have never read it he told me this . He spends his money on eating out and dr peppers and whatever else he wants but he lies about it always. He makes enough money to have his own place and he seems to want to spend it on nothing instead of payin his bills so he ask to borrow money all the time I put a stop to that. He is already in trouble with the law he has court monday the 19th for a felony charge of fraud I don't know what else we can do for him. It's way out of control. He is spiteful and lives here free he said he didn't understand why he can't spend his money he makes but he has 418+6 in fines to pay and he has hardly paid anything on them

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Rosa, I am a subscriber to this site, it has answered quite a few questions for me as far as bi-polar disorder,check them out if you like.

How to Recognize, Cope and Deal with Your Loved One's Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar Parenting

Discover the Comprehensive, Proven System That’s Helped My Mom and Thousands of Other People with Bipolar Disorder Rebuild a “Normal” Life

And this is a site to ask more questions like in here too.

Welcome to Depression.com

Hope this helps,

Ken