I have been with my boyfriend for years now. On and off throughout these years he has secretly been talking to his ex (on the phone, occasionally in person) Every time I found out he swore he would never do it again, so I would let it go, but then a few months would pass and then again I would find out that they still speak. He claims that she don't stop calling but then when I approached her she says the same thing about him. He even changed his number 3x and she mysteriously keeps getting every new number!! We been together so long that I don't want to break up over this but I don't believe they stopped talking. What do I do?? :confused:

If you don't trust him, break it off. Regardless of what he tells you, you don't trust him. Trust is a big part of a relationship. If you don't have it, you will begin to second guess everything that is said and done. I am starting a divorce because of trust and I guarantee you don't want to go through it. Break it off now and you will save yourself trouble, heart ache and misery in the long run.

Well we both know how she mysteriously get his numbers don't we?
He obviously wants contact with her and what for? Is it more than just a conversation! Perhaps he enjoys her company... just being friends. I know it must be really painful especially putting so mush in this long term relationship. He can't lie is way out every time and by you keep forgiving him, he would only do it all over again. Come to terms with reality, don't live this life you are... you deserve someone that can be loyal to you and dedicated. Why stress over this man. Is he really that worth it? How many times are you going to protect this relationship... my dera this relationship should be history along time ago.

It all depends on why he needs the exs freindship... making someone forbidden is the fastest way to make them seem more attractive and the fastest way to destroy a relationship... theres should not be forbidden people, relationships should be ope and trusting and we should choose not to do things to upset each other, but also we should be allowed to do things that are harmless, if that threatens our partner we neeed to find a way to make them feel less threatened.. usually that means open and honest communication and including the ex in the relationship not casting them as the bad guy!

You've probably learned that it's not going to change and anything you do to discourage it just falls short of your intended goal.

If you were married I would completely understand your feelings but as boy friend/girl friend you've pushed the "ownership" button and that button was scraped many years ago.

We do not own another's air time. We do not manage another's contact list. Married or single and (you are single) we remain an individual and as an individual we learn from our experiences and act accordingly; we usually trust in others until they are clearly deceiving us.

A waste of time to go hunting for deception so think over the trust you have in this man and make one decision; YES I TRUST HIM... or NO I DON'T TRUST HIM. If you say YES then put all the other stuff aside and live life as it unfolds. If you say NO then put away your hunting jacket, the nurse outfit, the 31 page Mister-Fix-It guide, the 101 Ways-To-Attract-A-Man booklet and hold on to the good memories of this relationship as you go your own way without looking back.

Neither choice will land you in heaven or spare you from grief, dispare or sorrow but you will have stood up and made a decision and there are many who can't do that. Best wishes to both of you.