Hi
I'm new to this forum today. My boyfriend and I broke up 2 months ago. I am still in love with him. I think he is in love with me too. He never told me he was in love with me though. The thing is... we have a huge age difference. I'm 32 and he is 24. I'm also his first girlfriend! We met up last Sunday. It was like we had never left each other. All of my feelings came back and I could tell his did too. The thing that surprised me and I forgot about during the time we were apart was the butterflies I get whenever he touches me. We ended up hugging for a really long time and I felt like my heart was going to pop out of my chest and I know he was feeling the same thing. He felt like putty in my arms. It was the most amazing thing!

The thing I don't understand is.. how does someone feel that way about someone else but be able to let it go? Is he scared? I think he might have a fear of what he will be giving up if he is with me. He said that he wanted to end up with the person who makes him happy and he said that was me. We even talked about the future. He even asked if he could see me once a week and asked if I could wait for him. I told him no. I told him that since we were in a relationship we can't just be friends right away. I said it doesn't work that way. I told him I wasn't going to contact him until I was over him. I told him he was taking a big risk of letting me go and date other people. I told him that I could meet someone else. He had the look in his eyes like he was totally in love with me. I feel like he is afraid to tell me the words. He gets jealous about me dating other guys too.

He knows I still love him, and I told him I thought about waiting for him but if I did that he wouldn't respect me. I told him I had to move on right now because there is nothing else to do. I can't wait around for him because that would only make me unhappy.

He said I was a smart woman and I was probably right.

He said if he did come back to me that he would show up at my house, and that the next move needs to be made my him anyway. I told him I knew that.

So, it really sucks because I have to move on but I know what we have is real love. It's the kind of love that lasts forever! Why can't he see it?

What do you think?

I think you are controlling and possessive. You are giving him an ultimatium. You are threatening him. If you do this then you can't have me etc... That is not love. Letting someone do as they please for the better of themselves and standing by that is love. Unless he said he wants to be with other people then you should stand by his decision. He might really love you and just wants to do it slow and right but now feels threatened by you caught a glimpse of the controlling side of you. This is what you are saying: you either give me all of you now or get out of my life. That's a ty spot to be in. Just because you feel one way doesn't mean the other person is feeling it too. Why did you break up?

Wow! What you said was my biggest fear because I was trying not to be like that at all. I really wasn't being controlling or possessive. I would never want to have someone back because I controlled them to do so. God gave us all free will. I only want someone back if they make that decision on their own.

Maybe I didn't word everything right in my post. I'm really a nice, sweet person. I could have told him that if he didn't take me back right now then it's over forever. That would have been an ultimatum. I didn't do that. I didn't mention that he told me that he wanted to go out and screw a bunch of girls. He said to me that 50% of him wanted to be with me and 50% of him wanted to sew his wild oats. Then he said that he thinks that he will eventually end up with the person that makes him happy. I said well if that's true.. he was taking a big risk of letting me go.. that I could possibly find someone else.

I don't want him to feel like that is an ultimatum... I just wanted to simply remind him of what could happen.

I hope this clears it up.

Beckie

Yeah definitely. U should be with someon who would be faithful. Unless you don't mind him being with other girls

The age difference is not a big deal. This being his first relationship might be.

How long were you in this relationship? Did he break from you because he didn't love you? Do you both work? How many relationships have you had? Please post when you have time. The more info the better. Thank you.

You should read some of my posts. I was in a very similar situation. Together 3 1/2 years, I'm 30, he's 25. We broke up after a blowout and what basically came out was that he still loved me but couldn't imagine being with anyone "forever" or loving anyone forever and he thought if we went any further we'd have to get married. He felt like he was too young and hadn't lived enough to settle down. I said all the same things you did about "you're never going to find anyone like me...blah blah." So I went NC and really never thought we would get back together again. He called every so often but I never contacted him and moved on with my life. Well after 2 miserable months (for him), he apparently realized that even after being apart he still loved me and realizes that "he'll always love me." So,we're back together now and trying to work it out. The only thing you can do in this situation is to let him go. You don't want him to always be questioning in his mind what else is out there or have him start to resent you cause he's thinking that he's missing out on something. If he comes to the realization on his own and comes back, then you can be comforted in knowing that he's with you because he wants to be with you. If not, then you're so much better off. Just live your life from now on as if its completely over. I hope this helps.

Also, saying "you're moving on" to him and actually moving on are 2 very different things. You need to take control of the situation and that means taking control of your own life. He shouldn't be thinking he can show up at your door at anytime and you'll automatically take him back with open arms. I don't know what you've been doing in terms of contact, but the first thing that says "i've taken control and have moved on" is by going No Contact.

If he is seeing other girls you need to move on unless you don't mind that. However, he could feel pressured suelle is right. Let him go completely. If he comes back great then you know its you he wants.

I think you said exactly what needed to be said to him. I was in a relationship with a much younger man too. He is 25 and I'm 43. We lived together for 7 yrs and had a very good relationship.

He left a little over 3 months ago and never gave me a real explanation for why he was leaving but he soon moved in with a woman he works with so I came to the conclusion that's pretty much why he left.

Looking back over the last 7 yrs he only had one problem and that was the fact that in the whole time we were together I never got pregnant and that's what he wanted.

In the beginning we didn't try for a baby but we didn't prevent it either, but in the last few months we were togther he brought the subject up more and more. I told him I didn't think I had the problem because I already have 2 children and I was only 36 when we first got together so I thought the problem might be him.

Well now his new girlfriend is pregnant with twins BUT!! Rumor is she has been pregnant since before they got together and the twins couldn't possibly be his. I will probably never know but I hope he has the good sense to get dna proof.

Anyway what I'm trying to say is my ex seemed to love me with everything he had. He acted as though he could never or would never want to live with out me and he seemed to love me completely until the day he left.

So if he left me to sow his wild oats or because he fell for this other woman or even if he left because he wanted a baby, I had to let him go... Thats all you can do. I have not contacted him in over 3 months and I never will.

Thanks everyone for your advice. I have to let him go completely and move on. I'm having a hard time dating other people though. I don't feel like it is fair to them since I'm not totally over my ex yet.

So sorry Webelong, You are wise to let him go. This situation is why the many 20 yr. olds (and younger) need to pay attention before they lecture on why it is so smart to be married young. Young men especially feel constricted sometime a few years into a relationship when they come to realise their youth is measured, and they did not have a chance to 'sow their wild oats' so to speak. Not that it is a great thing to 'screw a lot of girls' nor do I recommend it. But it is a fact of life that we mature at different rates, and understanding life is a lifelong process, we can't understand the experiences of the next stage of our life until we are in it. So often that realisation comes at the expense of a relationship, and maybe of a family, and then others suffer too. Good luck to you.

Well said!

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Originally Posted by webelongtogether

Thanks everyone for your advice. I have to let him go completely and move on. I'm having a hard time dating other people though. I don't feel like it is fair to them since I'm not totally over my ex yet.

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I haven't dated at all yet and it's been over three months. I know I'm not ready so I don't feel I should even attempt it until I'm sure. Just thinking about being with someone else right now still freaks me out. When you make up your mind that you want to spend your life with someone and then it's suddenly over it's tough to get out of that " THIS IS FOREVER" mindset.

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Originally Posted by cerisa

So sorry Webelong, You are wise to let him go. This situation is why the many 20 yr. olds (and younger) need to pay attention before they lecture on why it is so smart to be married young. Young men especially feel constricted sometime a few years into a relationship when they come to realise thier youth is measured, and they did not have a chance to 'sow thier wild oats' so to speak. Not that it is a great thing to 'screw a lot of girls' nor do I recommend it. But it is a fact of life that we mature at different rates, and understanding life is a lifelong process, we can't understand the experiences of the next stage of our life until we are in it. So often that realisation comes at the expense of a relationship, and maybe of a family, and then others suffer too. Good luck to you.

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Very good point cerisa. I fought off falling for him for many months because of this reason but after 3 or 4 yrs of him sticking around and proving he wasn't going anywhere I let my guard down and fell hard. At that point I did make the mistake of thinking he was going to be there forever... I think I forgot about the 7 year itch though OOPS.

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Originally Posted by webelongtogether

Thanks everyone for your advice. I have to let him go completely and move on. I'm having a hard time dating other people though. I don't feel like it is fair to them since I'm not totally over my ex yet.

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Thank you for your follow-up and best wishes