My husband and I have been married for four years, and we generally have a comfortable marriage. However, lately, my husband seems overly preocuppied with his friends, football, and regular outings to the bar. And the amount of quality time that he spends with me has diminished proportionately. During a typical week, he and his buddies go out for drinks at least two nights per week, after which my husband simply comes home and goes to bed. Then on the weekends, he's either glued to the TV watching football -- or making arrangements to meet up with his friends to drink beer and talk about football. On the rare occasions that he goes out for dinner alone with me, about the only couples activity that he will agree to, he seems compelled to bring along a magazine or newspaper to read (during dinner) or will request to go to a restaurant with a television, so that he can watch sports during the meal. This makes it nearly impossible to have a quality conversation with him, and I feel even lonelier than if we would have just stayed home and done nothing together. This evening I tried to express to him my feelings about this, and he just poo pooed them. I don't want to make a mountain out of a mole hill, but the lack of quality time with my husband is really starting to get to me -- and his lack of empathy when I expressed my feelings about this makes me feel even worse. Does anyone have some advice or perspective to share with me?

I think that is called being a football widow. Hopefully he will return to normal once the superbowl is over! I never did figure out the cure for when guys ignore you like that.
But then again I never got ANY attention.
Maybe find some hobbies of your own to preoccupy your time.

I think you should try and find an activity that both of you enjoy and could do together. What about biking, hiking, climbing, golfing, skiing, gardening, fixing up the house, or just plain going to the movies?

Other than that, you should try to find an interest of your own that you can enjoy when your hubby is out doing his thing. I think the key is compromise and moderation. You should both have interests you can share and spend quality time together doing. But you also have interests of your own that you can do without the other. To me anyway, this is very important. Otherwise, one of you is boud to feel neglected (you), and the other will start feeling pressured (him). This is dangerous to a marriage.

But if you don't have kids, two nights a week out and a day watching football doesn't seem too outrageous to me (although it's getting there). He's still spending most of his nights with you and over half of his weekend. If you find something you both enjoy doing together maybe that time will increase. Good luck!

If this is football as the british know it he is going to be glued all year round as there's an international tournament in the summer and club matches until may.


How about no sex that will teach him a lesson

I agree with NoHelp. Once the football season is over things should return to normal. I get the same complaint from my mom (I'm a girl, but once football season hits, I live the sport) that I'm never home, my world revolves around football. But after the superbowl (and the probowl) I return to normal and actually want to spend time with family and friends. In the mean time (or upcoming football seasons to come) Make plans with your friends or find a hobby that you can do to pass the time. Or hey, try to get interested in the sport. Its actually pretty cool when you understand it.

Sorry you aren't happy about your man being, well a man... but know that you are responsible for you own happiness, so build a life that you enjoy without him, and you will be happy and busy with things to do of your own. He then will appreciate you more, and want to be with his happy, but busy wife, instead of one who is lonely, and sad all the time. Worked wonders for my marriage, and it still continues. Learn to love yourself enough, to make your own happiness, and share it when you can, with him.