I never thought I would be writing this, I am in a new relationship juts 3 months, should be all honeymoon period still, well it should be ! First 6 weeks were great, wonderful, we talked about the future, and were mad for each other. He did drink quite a lot at this time though, but it didn't seem to affect his ability to do anything.

After the first 6 weeks, his life took a bit of a downturn, he had to leave his flat, and then he lost a major client, he drank a bit more to begin with, well actually a lot more , like 5 plus pints a night... things were still okish on love making front, but it was more sporadic... two weeks ago, after a few too many to drink, he coulnt keep an erection, I blamed the alcohol, he told me that was rubbish, bt interestingly has been off all alcohol since that episode... for two nites he was very passionate.but.. then gradually we have made love less and less, not at all this week... I adore this guy, it is driving me mad, I have never been in this situation before and I'm over 40.. so I have lived. I have TALKED to him, explained that I am frustrated and that is makes me doubt that he loves me, he just tells me not to panic and to look at the bigger picture. I have asked and asked why we aren't making love, he won't kiss me either, says doesn't kiss unless its during sex?. but he did to begin with? He told me today that sex was debilitating for him, and he didn't like it taking his energy.. most bizarre... most men want too much sex I thought,. so this is an entirely new experience... I am thrilled to see that am not alone, after reading other posts, but saddened to assume that men who are like this cannot change, and if we are sexually alive women we need to move on or massively compromise... so very sad when you love someone, but lack of compatibility will destroy it all in the end it appears... anyone have any comments.

I do wonder if in fact his drinking has now had a permanently destuctive effect on both his libido and possibly his ability to function sexually, but he can make love when he's fully enthused? Or he could be very depressed, but how can I work all this out, I would happily love him through all this, but what if its not because of those things and he just has a very low sex drive? For the record I'm an ex model... energetic passionate woman, whose exs have always said drove them wild... I don't think its me? Maybe he just wants out of relationship and this is the easiest way to drive me away?

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Originally Posted by sixftbrit

I never thought i would be writing this, i am in a new relationship juts 3 months, should be all honeymoon period still, well it should be ! first 6 weeks were great, wonderful, we talked about the future, and were mad for each other. He did drink quite a lot at this time though, but it didnt seem to affect his ability to do anything.

After the first 6 weeks, his life took a bit of a downturn, he had to leave his flat, and then he lost a major client, he drank a bit more to begin with, well actually a lot more , like 5 plus pints a nite....things were still okish on love making front, but it was more sporadic....two weeks ago, after a few too many to drink, he coulnt keep an erection, i blamed the alcohol, he told me that was rubbish, bt interestingly has been off all alcohol since that episode.....for two nites he was very passionate.but..then gradually we have made love less and less, not at all this week....i adore this guy, it is driving me mad, i have never been in this situation before and im over 40..so i have lived. i have TALKED to him, explained that i am frustrated and that is makes me doubt that he loves me, he just tells me not to panic and to look at the bigger picture. I have asked and asked why we arent making love, he wont kiss me either, says doesnt kiss unless its during sex?....but he did to begin with? He told me today that sex was debilitating for him, and he didnt like it taking his energy..most bizarre....most men want too much sex i thought,....so this is an entirely new experience...i am thrilled to see that am not alone, after reading other posts, but saddened to assume that men who are like this cannot change, and if we are sexually alive women we need to move on or massively compromise...so very sad when you love someone, but lack of compatability will destroy it all in the end it appears...anyone have any comments.

I do wonder if in fact his drinking has now had a permanently destuctive effect on both his libido and possibly his ability to function sexually, but he can make love when hes fully enthused? Or he could be very depressed, but how can i work all this out, i would happily love him through all this, but what if its not because of those things and he just has a very low sex drive? for the record im an ex model....energetic passionate woman, whose exs have always said drove them wild....i dont think its me? Maybe he just wants out of relationship and this is the easiest way to drive me away?

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Alcohol use over an extended period does effect the ability to obtain ans keep an erection. However, in your case it sounds more to me like there is a psychological element going on here. THe hardest times for men is when they change jobs or move. Emotional stress, instability of life, really impact libido and erections.

Finally, another thing that effects this is if the man is already sexually gratified. Is he seeing someone else or is he masturbating to relieve stress?

Hope this helps.
L

Hi six,

Be glad you only have 12 weeks time invested in this man... you will *be over him* in a month if you cut off contact with him today.

Alcohol over time has a terrible effect on people(men and women), not only to their ability to perform sexually, but also to their entire personality and their character. This man is rapidly heading toward bottom... he seems to be kind of strange... "debilitating"?? He feels he can't measure up to your demands, which by the way, are normal for a male- female relationship! Normal! He is just trying to manipulate you, girl.

Never, never take on a basket case, never!

A good man may be just around the corner eager to meet a beautiful woman like yourself. All you have to do is be open and smile. :)

Make a list of all your good qualities. Then, focus on your qualities and how you deserve to have relationships with better men. Make a list of good qualities you admire in men, qualities you like and make you feel comfortable. Focus on the positive as you move forward in your life.