Ask Me Help Desk - Trapped from logic due to an unstable teenage mind.

Hi. So I've heard more than once "you're too young to date". I can understand where that comes from and everything but it's too late for that. I fell in love. And no, it isn't "puppy love" and I don't know everything (obviously) but I do know the difference. So please spare me the "it's not real love because you're only seventeen" and just try to help if you can.

I've been with this one guy for a year. He really means something to me. Not only are we boyfriend and girlfriend, we're best friends. But I fear my attachment for him may be clouding my judgement and I just don't want to make any mistakes. These past three months, I can't stop crying. And I blame it on him. He lies to me about little things like whether his mom is in the basement or upstairs. It's always about things that don't matter. And it really hurts. And he has some anger problems but he would never physically do anything to me. He's tried to mentally degrade me before but I put my foot down. I don't allow anyone to make me feel bad unless I deserve it. Anyway, he keeps making all these mistakes, he doesn't call, he doesn't do what he used to, and I feel like I'm nothing to him sometimes. But don't get me wrong, he can be very sweet. Like one day, like a month ago, he randomly gave me a poem and a stuffed puppy dog. And he can be so endearing and I've been played by guys before so from experiences I know he's being honest. But after he does soemthing sweet, something ty happens. He's not a bad guy but he just keeps doing stupid things. But then I also think that maybe it's just me. That I'm being selfish and wanting attention. Also, over the summer, his best friend (who is a girl) started talking about me and saying all these horrible things. He got mad and stopped talking to her for a little bit. Then she screwed up again and he specifically told me "You know what, you're right, all she does is bring drama, blah blah blah, I'm staying away from her." Later, I found out he just said that so I would leave him alone. And again like always, he apologized. But I'm done with just accepting his apologies. I want him to show me he means them. I'm unsatisfied and I don't know what to do. Should I just leave him? Or, should I talk to him. I'm desperate, and I just want to stop crying and feeling depressed. It's also been extra hard because I'm not allowed to see him because my mom thinks he is ugly. And I swear, that is the only reason she doesn't allow me to date him. I don't know what to do!!

Well I do look past a lot of things, but I'm having trouble because he's lying, even if it's just over little things. And it's been repetative and he keeps saying he will stop but he never does. How can I trust him if he has to lie even about the little things?

My mom, she's pshyco. It's been about 3 months since she stopped me from dating him. But she hasn't really because we're sneaking around dating. And his mom knows the whole story and is helping us out.

I don't understand how someone could be in love with someone who hurts them. Not the occasional accidental kindda hurt, but the hurt he's doing to you on purpose. He can stop lying any time he wants, but he's not. How could you be "in love" with someone who would deliberately lie to you when he knows it hurts you? I would go crazy. He must be some heck of a guy if you're putting up with that.

Personally, from the information I know, I would dump his @$$ in a second. But... I don't know the whole story. I mean, there has to be certain reasons you love him, certain things about him that make you stay with him no matter what, right? Or am I completely wrong here? I don't know him as a person, or you, so really, my opinion doesn't count much, but I hope you take into consideration where I'm coming from.

Why not just set him straight? Tell him that you'll give him one last chance to stop lying and doing stupid stuff, or that'll be it and you'll end it. Either he loves you, and he'll do whatever it takes to make you happy, or.. he won't. In which case, you should kick him to the curb.lol.

Quote:

Originally Posted by letsmakethemusic

Hi. So I've heard more than once "you're too young to date". I can understand where that comes from and everything but it's too late for that. I fell in love. And no, it isn't "puppy love" and I don't know everything (obviously) but I do know the difference. So please spare me the "it's not real love because you're only seventeen" and just try to help if you can.

I've been with this one guy for a year. He really means something to me. Not only are we boyfriend and girlfriend, we're best friends. But i fear my attachment for him may be clouding my judgement and I just dont want to make any mistakes. These past three months, I can't stop crying. And I blame it on him. He lies to me about little things like whether or not his mom is in the basement or upstairs. It's always about things that don't matter. And it really hurts. And he has some anger problems but he would never physically do anything to me. He's tried to mentally degrade me before but I put my foot down. I don't allow anyone to make me feel bad unless i deserve it. Anyway, he keeps making all these mistakes, he doesn't call, he doesn't do what he used to, and I feel like I'm nothign to him sometimes. But don't get me wrong, he can be very sweet. Like one day, like a month ago, he randomly gave me a poem and a stuffed puppy dog. And he can be so endearing and I've been played by guys before so from experiences I know he's being honest. But after he does soemthing sweet, something ty happens. He's not a bad guy but he just keeps doing stupid things. But then i also think that maybe it's just me. That I'm being selfish and wanting attention. Also, over the summer, his best friend (who is a girl) started talking about me and saying all these horrible things. He got mad and stopped talking to her for a little bit. Then she screwed up again and he specifically told me "You know what, you're right, all she does is bring drama, blah blah blah, I'm staying away from her." Later, I found out he just said that so I would leave him alone. And again like always, he apologized. But I'm done with just accepting his apologies. I want him to show me he means them. I'm unsatisfied and I don't know what to do. Should I just leave him? Or, should I talk to him. I'm desperate, and I just want to stop crying and feeling depressed. It's also been extra hard because I'm not allowed to see him because my mom thinks he is ugly. And I swear, that is the only reason she doesn't allow me to date him. I dont know what to do!!!

Yeah I guess you're right. Even if I love him. I don't want to have to keep going through stupid stuff like this. I don't want to feel like I'm settling. I think I might just do that. One last chance. And if he can't do it, he's not worth it.
Thank you for all your help.
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