Well I really messed up today. My fiancé and I have been together about 14 months. This weekend I was up visiting her and this mornign her and her mother got in a fight. Well I was already planning on leaving. After their fight I told her this and she screamed fine just leave. So as any guy would do I left. But I came back and she was sleeping so I just let her be and went on home. She's told me this was a really big up and that she may want to put our engagement on hold. I am really crushed so I don't know what to say except I realized I ed up and I am sorry that's why I came back but when I got back she didn't want me there. I keep making little mistakes like this nothing as bad as today but I am not a mind reader so how can I fix myself.

Thks

Please help if you need more info just ask

So what exactly did you do wrong? This woman sounds like an emotional basket case. Frankly I'd rethink this whole engagement. Is this really the type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with?

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so how can I fix myself.

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It sounds to me like you're plenty "emotionally there" already. What did she think, that you were supposed to stay and involve yourself in their fight? Comfort her and tell her she was all in the right? What? Sounds like emotional manipulation to me. I agree, put the engagement on ice for awhile and wait to see if she's really mature enough for marriage or not.

We need a woman's input on this but in my opinion you seem emotionally stable and she seems the opposite. So because of one little argument she is going to put your whole engagement on hold? That is near betrayal of trust. That's shaky ground man. Imagine being married to that, if this happens all the time, you're going to be walking on eggshells. Now in the case it doesn't happen all the time, maybe she is just going through a tough time. If this is a rare occurrence come up to her and tell her that you care for her and if she is going through a tough time that you would like to be there for her. Speak nothing of the engagement and see if she opens up. That's about all you can do.

I will say this it doesn't sound like it's a rare situation. She sounds high maintenance. That's a lifetime of headaches. Good luck.

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Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

We need a woman's input on this

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I agree. Ladies, where are you??

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Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

Now in the case it doesn't happen all the time, maybe she is just going through a tough time. If this is a rare occurrence come up to her and tell her that you care for her and if she is going through a tough time that you would like to be there for her. Speak nothing of the engagement and see if she opens up.

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Yes. Big difference between rare event and regular routine. If you've known her long enough to have a good sense of how rare or common such episodes are, you will have a better basis for deciding how to proceed. If you haven't really known her long enough to tell yet, watch and wait. If you know for a fact that it's rare, then enigman is right. Invite her to talk about it and try to be helpful and understanding. Just don't assume that she wants you to fix it for her, even if you could, which you probably can't anyway. What was the fight with her mom about, anyway?

A woman's input...

Without knowing what the "little mistakes" are that you keep making, I can't say for sure but it may be that your girlfriend has felt abandoned by you emotionally long before this incident with her mother. She may have issues about expressing her needs and instead, has been dropping hints, hoping you'd get how much she needs your support.

I agree that she may not want you to "do" anything. It may be more that she needs your presence with her, when she is struggling with family issues.

Of course, it is also your right not to be in that kind of argumentative chaos.

The question to ask yourself is if you still love this woman enough to work through whatever is eating at her?

I assume so, or you wouldn't have posted here.

I would suggest considering counseling, specifically couple's counseling.

In a safe environment with an objective third party, each of you can express fully. You may want to explore your feelings about the situations where you feel you have made little mistakes, and she may want to explore why she is so emotionally needy.