Hi,

I'm a 23 y.o. male. I "officially" broke up with my ex-gf 1.5 years ago. Prior to that, we had been together for 4 years all throughout college and I was DEEPLY in love with her. The first two years of our relationship (freshman/soph years) went great. In the last 2, we started having more and more arguments etc. We had a temporary 2-month break up but we got back together. The day we graduated was the last day we saw each other. I decided that because I was going to start an intensive job 6 hours away from her, that it'd be best for us to break up to focus on our careers. However, we were still emotionally attached as we spoke/emailed frequently (almost daily), exchanged I love you's, etc. So really, we hadn't broken up, we were "officially" not together but our hearts were still attached.

We remained on these terms for a little over a year. We expressed our love and miss yous for each other almost every day. Also, I had to leave to a place even farther away. During this whole time we did not see each other.

2 months ago, I suddenly found out that she's in a relationship with someone else. I was shocked. I couldn't believe how she went from telling me I love you one day to being in love with someone else a week later. She then confessed that she had been "getting to know other people" all this time and not told me. Clearly, I felt betrayed.

As she's with someone else now, she's over me and I'm sure isn't going through problems. But, I'm still really suffering and can't stop thinking about her day and night. I'm always wondering what she's doing and can't get her out of my head. Perhaps I still have that little hope in my mind that we might one day get back together, but realistically, I doubt it'll happen (from her side).

Please help me with advice on how I can seriously forget about her and move on. I've tried going out more, gym, etc, but it hasn't really helped. I feel very down and lonely a lot of times and it's just hurting all aspects of my life. I feel I need to get to know someone else, but unfortunately I'm not the super social type of guy who's good at dating, talking up girls, etc.

I just can't believe someone I loved so dearly did this to me.

Much appreciated.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I guess the best thing to do is to accept that it's over. That part of your life is done. Concentrate on your job and look forward to meeting new people and doing new things.
It will take time, but don't dwell on what she did, this does no good.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I'm sorry you are going through this. I guess the best thing to do is to accept that it's over. That part of your life is done. Concentrate on your job and look forward to meeting new people and doing new things.
It will take time, but don't dwell on what she did, this does no good.

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Thanks. I feel I should constantly remind myself of hating her and the bad memories I have, but unfortunately I'm too kind-hearted and instantly remember all the good things she did for me.

I am just shocked how someone who claimed that they love me so much for more than 4 years cannot love me anymore. I was her first boyfriend and she was my first girlfriend, and I know that usually the first experience has a special place in one's heart no matter what happened. But unfortunately she's so cooold that all a sudden I feel the world is a lot more unfair and cruel than I thought it'd be. She has blocked me on Facebook, email, text etc and asked me not to communicate because it would be "inconsiderate and disrespectful" to her current boyfriend. Back when we were together she wouldn't say on Facebook that we're in a relationship, for example, but now she has it all over her profile how much she loves her current boyfriend etc.

I don't have a problem with this but I know love is not a joke and really how can one start loving someone else in such a short period??

The how's and whys don't matter anymore. It happened. You will never find an answer to these questions.

Well maybe it was over between you two before she even realized it, I don't know. But again don't dwell on it, all it does is make you angry and hurt.
Who knows how and why she did this, just leave her alone and concentrate on getting yourself back in working order.

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She has blocked me on Facebook, email, text etc and asked me not to communicate

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First let me say I am sorry for your pain, I actually am feeling something similar through my ex. She is cruel and mean. I can't believe she can be so cold to. Anyway just wanted to comment on you looking on her site and stuff. Best thing to do is Don't LOOK, listen I know it makes your crazy, completely go NC and no matter how tempting it is DO NOT surf up anything about her online. It will just hurt you more. Those sites are so hurtful to the ones who are heartbroken. I have nor will I contact, reply, or snoop for info about her at all. You should do the same. Just try to focus on you and work on feeling better about yourself. I know its tough, I think about mine all the time to, but trust me. Best thing to do is move on and forget her. Hope this helps, I know its not a lot of comfort but hey why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? You deserve better. Be strong things will get better.

I'm not sure if you will completely forget about her and your relationship with her. You will think about it less and less. You will begin to accept the situation and stop asking yourself why or how this could happen. Once you stop asking, you will be able to heal and move on. I've asked myself those questions because my ex with someone weeks after our 'break' and she also said she is open to meeting new people. Our ex's are no longer the one's we fell in love with and the one's we are trying to hold on to. Be strong, for every dark night, remember that there's a brighter day after that.

Little tip for all those people who can't stop themselves from checking the ex's Facebook, or have mutual friends and don't want to see the EX's name anywhere. In the privacy settings you can block a user, and it hides them from EVERYTHING you can see on Facebook, whether their page, or comments they leave on a friends. Its been an amazing tool to counter my compulsive facebook'ing. I completely blocked my ex the day she added her new 'boyfriend' status thing, a week after our breakup on Facebook. To her I am a ghost on there, and her name will never come up on my screen. Ive had to remove a few of her friends from mine though because she was showing up in pictures on their pages, but it was worth it.

Armando:

Unfortunately, somewhere down the line she was done with you before you even knew there were problems. Most women do not want to be alone so they actively start looking for the next boyfriend before it is over with the current.

Then, once they find the next guy that they are sure wants a relationship with them and they also have an interest in, they start the fights and hope that you do the dirty work of breaking up with them so they can jump to the next sucker. The new boyfriend comes as a total shock to you because this is not how most guys operate.

Honesty, do you really want someone who is so weak that they would do this to you instead of breaking it off and spending time alone to reflect what happened and learn from the experience? And then, show no respect for the 4 years that you were together by pasting how much she is into the new boyfriend where it is in your plain site. A decent girl would keep it quite and not throw it in your face.

Unfortunately, my advice is to get a few wingmen :D that are good at the game since you seem to think that you are not the social type. At your age, people all hang in groups, get into a few and pick off the low hanging fruit if you know what I mean. A few bites of the apple and you will stop thinking about her. But do not sit home and dwell on it.

In due time you find another that is better than the last as you learn from the mistakes which you PERCEIVE that you made which I am sure you have questioned yourself about 1 million times over the last 18 months.

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Originally Posted by armando909

2 months ago, I suddenly found out that she's in a relationship with someone else. I was shocked. I couldn't believe how she went from telling me I love you one day to being in love with someone else a week later. She then confessed that she had been "getting to know other people" all this time and not told me. Clearly, I felt betrayed.
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Hi armando, If you look at some of the posts here you'll see that many of us can't believe how our ex's went from loving us one minute and are with someone else the next. I lived with my ex boyfriend for 7 yrs. It seemed we had it all... Love, Trust, Respect, and a very very close bond.

On Sunday the 22nd of July he made me breakfast in bed then we went fishing all afternoon, came home later that night and had a wonderful dinner then went to bed and made love. It was one of many days we had like that. Like I said we had it all.

On Monday the 23rd of July he left me for a woman he works with. A few weeks later they moved in together and now they are pregnant with twins. Although many people have said they aren't his the fact remains he loved me literally one day and the next he was gone.

I can't explain it and neither can anyone that knows him. So my point is, looking for answers will only make you crazy. Coming here to talk to others that are going through it really helps though so please know that we are all here for you.

A good relationship for a woman usually alternates. They have a nasty habit of using their next relationship to get over/ignore their last one. Either way, it's best not to obsess over what's going on in her life, instead work on what's happening in your own. I know, pretty redundant.

Don't feel bad for yourself, it usually takes about half as long as you were together to get over a relationship, additionally, in the same sense that a commodity is only worth what somebody's willing to pay for it, you're only supposed to take as much time as YOU need to get over it. Exchanging emails and I wish you didn't suck letters won't get anything done, so it's best to knock all that garbage off.

Although almost everybody advises against it, sometimes it's best to see other people even if you're not ready to. You never know who you're going to meet, but don't get your hopes up. The idea isn't to meet the girl of your dreams, what you will accomplish however, is a cheap self esteem boost, which goes a long way, and you learn an awful lot more about yourself from the girls that couldn't care less about hurting you than you will from the ones who could.

Time is the great healer. That is indisputable. Your title is a bit misleading. I feel as if you have actually just disconnected. The real breakup in your mind and heart happened when you found out she was with someone else. You're young and this seems like your first major relationship. It will be tough. I was there with you not too long ago. You say you're not a very social person, well that's allright at your age it's common. I'll tell you a good fix for that is to force yourself into social situations. The best way to distract your mind is to keep it busy. Join a club, get a good hobby, learn to play the blues guitar (I kid you not that is as therapeutic as it comes), start volunteering at a homeless shelter where you are forced to be with other volunteers, work out and become as athletic and healthy as possible (which is a great way to build up yourself esteem) and never look back. She's gone and in time you will learn to forgive and forget. Just move forward.

In all fairness, you did break up with her and she probably felt the way you feel at the moment. Now, you never did this to hurt her did you? So you better believe that her being with someone new has nothing to do with hurting you. She never had the intention of hurting you.

You have to move on. It's easier said than done, but no matter what, you have to take baby steps forward. Do something small a day to change your current state in life (like going to gym, saving money, learning something new, reading, and a whole assortment of things). You may not feel this working, but the healing process will sneak up on you. You just have to be serious in taking your medication... that means going through the actions of the healing process everyday, even at times when you feel like sitting around and crying.

HI Armando,I know exactly what you have been through.I have been in a relationship for five years and one day I was dumped .this was 2 months ago but I still hurts .the only thing I tell you is that you should have faith , I begged god faith to live day after day

This thread was last responded to in 2007.
I'm sure he has moved on.