Ask Me Help Desk - Should we break up?

Should we break up?

I really love my boyfriend, but I feel he has changed since we started dating.
He admits that he told me certain things to make me happy, and now won`t follow through on them. (said he would take dance lessons with me but won`t now)
It was great at first, but now I don`t feel appreciated or happy. I really love him, but am I being foolish?
I work, clean, cook, and so does he. But we aren`t having sex as much as we used to, and he never pleases me orally anymore, claiming he doesn`t like to do it.
He says he loves me, but gets mad if I say I want more sex or oral sex.
WHAT TO DO?

Quote:

Originally Posted by bettyfrost

I really love my boyfriend, but I feel he has changed since we started dating.
He admits that he told me certain things to make me happy, and now won`t follow through on them. (said he would take dance lessons with me but won`t now)
It was great at first, but now I don`t feel appreciated or happy. I really love him, but am I being foolish?
I work, clean, cook, and so does he. But we aren`t having sex as much as we used to, and he never pleases me orally anymore, claiming he doesn`t like to do it.
He says he loves me, but gets mad if I say I want more sex or oral sex.
WHAT TO DO?

Hey, I think you should break up. I'd bet you that if you don't break up now, it will get worse. A lot worse. That sounds exactly like a set up that caused a couple to get divorced. It worsened after they got back together though. Please break up with him.

It sounds like he told you what he thought you wanted to hear and tried to be something he wasn't in order to live up to your expectations. That's not your fault but that's a tough act for anyone to follow for any length of time. He appears to have some issues with his own inner security and an unhealthy need to be accepted by everyone. That said, I'd seriously rethink this whole thing and consider bailing out now before it gets any worse. If you keep stringing him along and he tries to keep up with his act he'll eventually come to blame you and resent you for having "forced" him to be something he's not.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bettyfrost

I really love my boyfriend, but I feel he has changed since we started dating.
He admits that he told me certain things to make me happy, and now won`t follow through on them. (said he would take dance lessons with me but won`t now)
It was great at first, but now I don`t feel appreciated or happy. I really love him, but am I being foolish?
I work, clean, cook, and so does he. But we aren`t having sex as much as we used to, and he never pleases me orally anymore, claiming he doesn`t like to do it.
He says he loves me, but gets mad if I say I want more sex or oral sex.
WHAT TO DO?

First, how long have you been dating? A lot of relationships cool off after the beginning, but that does mean he does not love you. A lot of people do things they do not like doing and the beginning of a relationship to because they want to impress, but once they feel comfortable they change. It is up to you if you can handle those changes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Carla W29

First, how long have you been dating? A lot of relationships cool off after the beginning, but that does mean he does not love you. A lot of people do things they do not like doing and the beginning of a relationship to because they want to impress, but once they feel comfortable they change. It is up to you if you can handle those changes.

We have been together a little over a year

Quote:

Originally Posted by blabla96

Hey, I think you should break up. I'd bet you that if you don't break up now, it will get worse. Alot worse. That sounds exactly like a set up that caused a couple to get divorced. It worsened after they got back together though. Please break up with him.

Thanks, and thanks to everyone for their input. Really, deep down I new the answers I would get before posting this, and that yes, we will break up. But I just wish we could talk it out, and that I wouldn`t have to go to a webpage for help! But this has been very helpful. Thanks.

Quote:

Originally Posted by s_cianci

It sounds like he told you what he thought you wanted to hear and tried to be something he wasn't in order to live up to your expectations. That's not your fault but that's a tough act for anyone to follow for any length of time. He appears to have some issues with his own inner security and an unhealthy need to be accepted by everyone. That said, I'd seriously rethink this whole thing and consider bailing out now before it gets any worse. If you keep stringing him along and he tries to keep up with his act he'll eventually come to blame you and resent you for having "forced" him to be something he's not.

You are EXACTLY right! He has even said those exact words to me! " You are turning me into something I`m not, and I don`t like it. " -- Well, I don`t like it either. I am happy to report we broke it off today. It is somewhat difficult because we were living together, so I am having to deal with him having a key to my house (his name is nowhere on it) and getting his stuff out, hopefully by Tues. 4pm.
I am also having to deal with the fact that now I have twice as large of a payment each month (yes he was paying half the rent), but really I am very relieved for it to be over. Who wants to be unhappy all the time?
Breaking up is hard, because you have been with someone for a while, but I really feel this is for the best.

Hi BettyFrost - Well done for having the strength to leave your boyfriend - I hope you have better luck from now on.