My boyfriend broke up with me. He wrote me a letter telling me he felt like I did not need his heart enough, that the growing stopped with us, and that he felt I needed to fall in love with someone else to learn. I really hurt him during our relationship because I kept pushing him away. I was not ready to commit and we were living together (NEVER do this -it is the worst decision! ). Last week he called to say he had a bad dream about me and he was worried about me - how I was doing. He asked me if I hated him. He said he misses me but not to expect us to get back together. I am pretty sure he already has a new girlfriend or at least someone who is helping him through this difficult time.

Part of me really wants to email him one last time, even though I doubt anything will come of it. He was pretty selfish at times during our relationship, which is why I think I was struggling with the commitment issue. But I still love him and was wondering if this letter would be a good or bad idea. If he does still love me at all, do you think it would be a good idea? Or do you think since he is the one who ended things and already (most likely) has moved on, I should just do No Contact and see if he comes around on his own?

Here is the email I would send him:
Dear $%^&*,

After our phone conversation on Sunday, there were a few things I still feel I need to say.

First of all, I do not expect anything to change from the current situation. I understand why you feel that I did not need your heart enough during the relationship. I just wanted to tell you that I am very sorry I caused you pain. No matter what, you always will be in my heart.

Moving on is hard. You were my rock, my lover, my best friend and partner in everything for four years. We are alike in so many ways, but at the time we just were too far apart in experience to grow together the way we could have. Being apart from you has forced me to deal with things that I avoided when we were together. It has made me realize just how much I really love you. But I understand that you have moved on now and that your feelings for me may be gone. This is something I am learning to accept.

Everything out here is different now. I don't know if I am going to stay out in Chicago. I am not looking to live the “single life” for the next few years, or to go to grad school anymore, or to become some big-shot career woman anymore. I just want to get a job I like and get married and start a family. I was coming around to that in Denver when I spent all that time with your sister-in-law and nephew. For me that is the hardest part... learning who I am the hard way and having to find someone else who loves me enough to give me those things you wanted to give me.

I wish things did not have to be this way, but if you have found someone who makes you happy, then I am happy for you. For what it is worth, I am glad you were in my life and I wish you the best in the future.

NOT a good idea!

All it shows is that you have not gotten over him and you give him your power. If he wants to try again he will let you know that. You are right that this letter will not change his mind, and so if that is the goal than it can only hurt and once you start to getover him you will regard it as a mistake.

IT sucks, it hurts, but not contacting him will make him think about you, maybe remember the good times. Alternatively, maybe not calling him will do nothing, but at least you will begin to heal.

Don't do it.

THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!!

Finally, an answer that is totally clear. I really appreciate your advice.

I won't do it.

Thanks again!

Pleasure:)

Now go out there and show him what he's missing. THE FOOL!! :)

It's good that you've come to terms with your feelings and can be honest and upfront with yourself. That said, there's really no harm in sending him the e-mail and I'm sure he'll appreciate your honesty and forthrightness. I wouldn't count on anything coming from it but I think it was a good learning experience for you and makes you all the more ready to be successful in your next relationship.

No! NO EMAIL! :)

NC, its over he wanted out.

I think the emails great. You are showing you are being mature in accepting it, and you have been honest. Its good that you are not begging or anything. Its really well written.
True nothing may come of it. But if you honestly do wish he might come back why not give it a shot and send it. I think you will feel better that you had yr say too. And I rellly feel you sound real cool headed and sensible in this mail. Its like you are fine with or without him