When I first met my husband about five years ago, I was instantly attracted to him. I had just gotten out of a two year relationship with someone the week before and was just looking for some fun. I was at a friend of mines party when my husband and I first hooked up. It was supposed to be a one night stand but I found that I actually liked talking to him and we had things in common. So we started seeing each other regularly afterwards and then we moved in together. We started to talk about marriage. Then I got pregnant with our first daughter and got married. As a result of pregnancy, of course, I have definite stretch marks on my tummy and I was kind of depressed after I had her. We had been having some financial difficulty and had to move in with my mother so that just added to the depression. Then, when my daughter was eight months old I found out I was pregnant again with our second daughter. I cried for two weeks straight. All during my second pregnancy I was crying at night, and very depressed with my body, and the fact we were still living with my mother. I lost my sex drive and I still haven't fully gotten it back. Then right before my second daughter was born, we moved into a house that we are now still in. After we had her I started to feel a little better about myself, even though I am very insecure about how my husband sees me. He never tells me that I am pretty, or if I dress up it seems like he barely notices.
I still rarely want sex, and if I do get it I feel awkward, unsatisfied, and alone in my feelings. I don't know how to express what's wrong with my husband because the one time I tried to tell him I was depressed, that something was wrong, he got angry and thought I was asking for a divorce. My husband has never been the touchy-feely type anyway, but I am. I want to know how to get back to where I was before I got pregnant? I want to know how to tell what my husband is feeling about me, if he still thinks I am beautiful. How do I tell him the sex isn't satisfying with out hurting his feelings? How do I ask him if I'm beautiful and get an honest response?

My thoughts.. .
Work on the inside first then out. Because how can we expect people to see something in us that we don't see and feel for ourself? Tell yourself you are beautiful, feel beautiful.. You need to love yourself more forget about the stretch marks, that is only physical and it probably bothers you more than it does your husband.. You need to take one day at a time.. I bet your husband loves you!! I think you may be overreacting because of the way your feeling about yourself.. I know we as women sometimes like to be reassured that we are beautiful, but the reality is the only persons that can validate our own beauty is ourselves.. Your husband may be showing his love for you in other ways, maybe by helping out, or doing things for you that may be his way of expressing his love.
As far as sex goes how can you feel anything when you don't feel good about yourself. I have been where you are...

Here is what I can suggest, do spontaneous things for your husband, perhaps get some lingerie, and seduce him a little.. Do something that he likes.. Try new things.. But most importantly work on yourself... Be a great mother to your children, because kids pick up on things.. they know when things are not right... Take it one day at a time...

Dear tides fan,

Since I believe we are in the same area of the country, I like you to look straight into the computer's screen. When was the last time anyone told you about your beautiful eyes? Or the smoothness of your facial skin or the richness in your smile?

Now add to your being your toy people and I ask you, how can you not be beautiful? You have held life itself inside you, you felt the rug rats grow and bounce off the walls of your of your body. You are woman! Please lighten up on yourself.

Okay, so you went through post partem depression and you may still be suffering from it, but you are still you, one of the most exciting women in this universe.

Would that I a mere mortal male could be graced by your presence, but alas, spousal concent would not be granted by my lady. She very strongly believes that such misbehavior on my part should carry with it my very own personal autopsy. Prior deat before the autopsy is at her discretioon.

I realize that I have self esteem issues as most women do, but to see it said is different than just knowing. I thank you for your response.

Thank you for that, kind sir. Your lady is lucky.

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Originally Posted by tidefan1983

When I first met my husband about five years ago, I was instantly attracted to him. I had just gotten out of a two year relationship with someone the week before and was just looking for some fun. I was at a friend of mines party when my husband and I first hooked up. It was supposed to be a one night stand but I found that I actually liked talking to him and we had things in common. So we started seeing each other regularly afterwards and then we moved in together. We started to talk about marriage. Then I got pregnant with our first daughter and went ahead and got married. As a result of pregnancy, of course, I have definite stretch marks on my tummy and I was kind of depressed after I had her. We had been having some financial difficulty and had to move in with my mother so that just added to the depression. Then, when my daughter was eight months old I found out I was pregnant again with our second daughter. I cried for two weeks straight. All during my second pregnancy I was crying at night, and very depressed with my body, and the fact we were still living with my mother. I lost my sex drive and I still haven't fully gotten it back. Then right before my second daughter was born, we moved into a house that we are now still in. After we had her I started to feel a little better about myself, even though I am very insecure about how my husband sees me. He never tells me that I am pretty, or if I dress up it seems like he barely notices.
I still rarely want sex, and if I do get it I feel awkward, unsatisfied, and alone in my feelings. I don't know how to express what's wrong with my husband because the one time I tried to tell him I was depressed, that something was wrong, he got angry and thought I was asking for a divorce. My husband has never been the touchy-feely type anyway, but I am. I want to know how to get back to where I was before I got pregnant? I want to know how to tell what my husband is feeling about me, if he still thinks I am beautiful. How do I tell him the sex isn't satisfying with out hurting his feelings? How do I ask him if I'm beautiful and get an honest response?

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I am a mother of two my kids are 11 months apart they are both 4 right now son will be 5... I felt the same way and still do at times, I wouldn't have commented on your post if I didn't experience this... I thought I would never get out of a rut, my own insecurties pushed my husband into the arms of another woman, now I am divorced with two children.. That is when I realized I was neglecting myself... because I was too busy being a wife and a mother, and now that I had time to be alone, I am getting back to my old self... I joined the gym started working out, starting doing things that made me happy, I have stretch marks, breast are not perky anymore, But I learn to accept that and deal with what god has given me, the gift of children... I also model now... I have stretch marks but if you see my pictures you wouldn't see them because they edit it out anyway... No one is perfect... But just continue to love yourself, and I hope I didn't come off harsh in the first post as I didn't mean too.. but I want you to realize that happiness starts within yourself... I bet you are beautiful!! You are special!! Please don't feel down.. I know its easier said than done... But take it one day at a time..