So my girlfriend and I had a very good relationship. A few days ago she said that she realized she wasn't available emotionally, and that she thinks she has feelings for her ex. Since that isn't fair to me, things are currently done. The catch is, she thinks he is a jerk, and doesn't want to have any feelings for him. Her goal would be to make herself emotionally available and then work things out with me instead. I know many responses will say she's lying and sparing my feelings, but I do think she is telling the truth. While that is a small piece of good news in a heap of bad, what do I do next?

I won't simply wait around (it could take awhile) but what are the chances of her clearing her heart to move on from this last guy? Why would she be stuck caring for a guy she thinks is a jackass? Is there any reason for me to hold on to some hope? Is there anything I can do to encourage a decision in my favor besides wait around?

I want to give things the chance, but don't want to waste my time either...

I would not waste my time either, waiting for her to make up her mind. Not to sound cruel about this, but holding your life in such a pattern is unhealthy. You lose out on the rest of life and all that surrounds you. There are many positive things you can do for yourself after this break-up. There have been some excellent posts here on the Help Desk about handling situations like yours.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...kup-78597.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ed-123862.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-114179.html

I wouldn't wait either. Just get on with your life. If she come around then you decide how you want to proceed. You never get that waiting around time back. Take care of you.

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Originally Posted by iris107

So my girlfriend and I had a very good relationship. A few days ago she said that she realized she wasn't available emotionally, and that she thinks she has feelings for her ex. Since that isn't fair to me, things are currently done. The catch is, she thinks he is a jerk, and doesn't want to have any feelings for him. Her goal would be to make herself emotionally available and then work things out with me instead. I know many responses will say she's lying and sparing my feelings, but I do think she is telling the truth. While that is a small piece of good news in a heap of bad, what do I do next?

I won't simply wait around (it could take awhile) but what are the chances of her clearing her heart to move on from this last guy? Why would she be stuck caring for a guy she thinks is a jackass? Is there any reason for me to hold on to some hope? Is there anything I can do to encourage a decision in my favor besides wait around?

I want to give things the chance, but don't want to waste my time either...

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To further confuse my own question, I know I need to move on and not wait. If I start getting over her though, and she comes back, will I have any ability to get those feelings back? If I take care of myself and get over her will I also eliminate any possibility of having those feelings for her again?

No. Your head will be clearer, the pain will be less, and you will be able to decide whether this is what you want or not. If the feeling are genuine, they will still be there. If not then you will have your answer. At least you won't have waited around wasting time and energy.