Ok me and my girlfriend have been going out for 7 months and I was obssessive like, always calling her while she is busy and when she doesn't awnser when she is busy I start saying "you dont love me do you" or "youre gona forget about me" I was a real pain I can imagine and then just one day she started crying while I was talking to her and said she didn't want a boyfriend and she didn't wan to be with anyone and it hit me hard really bad and she said she would get back with me when she was over wanting to be single and so I was OK with that even though I was still upset, I still call her a lot and I know it gets on her nerves taking a break and its like almost completely the same before she took a break but I can't help it I just have to be with her and talk to her. I feel like I'm messing it up for us and that if I continue she will get sick of me and now after 2 weeks I wait until she calls me to talk to her but sometimes I call her because I get tired of waiting and I need help on what I should do now so that I can save our relaionship before I mess it up.

You really need to find some other interests. You're building your whole life around this girl and it's not healthy. Especially since she's so ambivalent about wanting to date right now. Waiting around for something that's never going to happen is never a good thing. You can certainly be friendly with her but don't bug her with incessant phone calls or you'll blow whatever friendship you have with her. Try the shoe on the other foot ; would you want someone calling you 3 , 4 , 5 times a day every day, even when you were busy doing something, etc? It'd get on your nerves pretty quick, wouldn't it? You certainly wouldn't be interested in spending a lot of time with that person, would you? Play it cool, meet some new friends, have fun (but don't be obssessive.) As other posters on this forum will no doubt agree, the busier and more popular you make yourself out to be, the more likely you'll be to attract her interest and that of others.

If you ever want to run a women off just be obsesive and a crybaby and call 3-4 times a day with that insecure crap.You don't need a girlfriend you need a life.Find a hobby or sport or hone a skill and leave ALL the girls alone till you rid yourself of all that extra baggage.Don't you have any friends to hangout with?get some.Can't you have a coversation with a female for a little litefun ,no strings or ulterior motives?Until you learn not to be so needy and get more social no female in their right mind will have anything to do with you.. this ain't rocket science and practice make perfect.good luck!! :cool:

Hi,
You said what to do before you mess up your relationship. You may have already messed it up, I'm sorry to say.
It's hard, sometimes, to really care for someone so much that you won't to be with her all the time, talk with her everyday, and know how she feels all the time. Being married now for 28 yrs, I know what that feeling is all about.
But, you aren't married.
I felt the same yrs ago, while in college, about a girl I was in love with. But, it didn't happen for us. She found someone else.
It doesn't matter sometimes what you do or don't do. All relationships are not going to work out. If they did, we would eventually be married to 18 or 20 girls at the same time!
For now, please just try to be friends with her. You never know, it might work out. At the same time, it really, really helps in meeting new people. Talk with others, get to know some other girls. It really does help. I do wish you the best, and hope you find someone.

Hey thanks for the advice guys yeah I stopped being obssessive and stuff and she came over to eat with me for thanksgiving and to the movies and other places and now were back together so any advice on how I could help our relationship grow stronger would be cool

Thanks

lightlemon101

Glad to hear your happy.If you leave the baggage in the closet and treat people the way you want to be treated usually things work out okay. :cool:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by lightlemon101

Hey thanx for the advice guys yeah i stopped being obssessive and stuff and she came over to eat with me for thanksgiving and to the movies and other places and now were back together so any advice on how i could help our relationship grow stronger would be kool

thanx

lightlemon101

---

Excuse me, but do you have a different date to celebrate Thanksgiving? And there is no way that a person that acted as confused and obsessive as you did, can turn 180 degrees and suddenly change. May I suggest that you see a professional therapist to find out why you have an obsessive nature to begin with, you might have a fear of being alone too long, due to being neglected at one point in time, so please don't take this lightly. There are people out there that can help you get over your phobia, and things will have a better outlook once you stop 'telling stories' to yourself and others.
:confused:
Good Luck.

Yeah we do eat before thanksgiving at my aunts house and even if you can't believe that I stopped calling a lot and stuff like that well I did stop and things are going pretty good, I'm just trying to not be obssessive and no I was not rejected or whatever you said in my life but I did get lost in walmart when I was little once :D but I really would like advice on how to prevent this from happening again and I would appreciate it :)


GO XSV!! KILL THE DRAGON!!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by lightlemon101

Yeah we do eat before thanksgiving at my aunts house and even if you can't believe that i stopped calling alot and stuff like that well i did stop and things are going pretty good, im just trying to not be obssessive and no i was not rejected or whatever you said in my life but i did get lost in walmart when i was little once :D but i really would like advice on how to prevent this from happening again and i would appreciate it :)


GO XSV !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KILL THE DRAGON!!!!!!!!!!!!!

---

I wish I could recover as fast as you,AAHHH YOUTH!! :cool:Read this thread again as many times as you need to! :) :) :)

I'd be upfront with her and tell her you get confused when she's not around and you fear you'll loose her if you cling too much, she will either understand and reassure you or tell you what you need to do to not stress her out too much. The important thing is to communicate with her and not just in little quick words, but try and explain how you really feel. Some might say you'll be giving her power over you, but this will help her understand you better and will also make you a stronger person in admitting your faults so that you can do something to change them. If this relationship does not last forever, gosh, you're still young and life will go on, so don't panic. You need to calm down and take one day at a time. Is this your first real close relationship? It probably won't be your last, and it depends on you how you handle your life without anxiety in the future. You seem so hyper and need to vent it by keeping busy with other people and making friends, or working out, etc. Things will fall into place as destined, but you cannot and should not rush things because you might even change your mind some day. This is something that happens to all of us once we get the taste of 'love' or 'lust', and it's normal, just don't over-react. If you still feel the need to call her a lot, let her know it's because you like the sound of her voice if that's the case, that will at least compliment her instead of stressing her. Don't make promises you probably cannot keep, and don't expect her to do so either, the relationship is still too new. So again, take it one day at a time. Good Luck and keep us posted.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gifDon't expect everything NOW, it does not work that way.. keep calm.

I think lightlemon, the reason people are worried is that normally guys do not act like this, well I shouldn't try and state what is normal, well let me say it like this, on average guys do not do this. I think people are worried because clingliness is a trait more associated with preteen girls. And I think chery makes some excellent points, your kind of obssesion with her was quite shocking and for you to turn it around that quick is more than just peculiar. However, I would like to think you wouldn't lie to us, so I do trust that things are going well and if so I am happy for you. But, I don't think you fixed what you were doing, I think it was a bandaid instead of a cure. I am afraid and really listen to me, I think that you did this for a few days and now that everything is better you might return to your obssesive ways, I fear that somewhere down the road you will start to become to clingy again, if not then again super, but it is something to think about.

It seems you are slowly working your way through this situation. I would suggest you walk and exercise a bit more when you are obsessing over someone. You have a lot of energy to expend.

Thanks for the advice guys I really appreciate it

Happy thankgiving !