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I am 15 years old and about to have a baby,but my boyfriend wants me to put the baby up for adoption but I don't know if I should.
I personally don't think it's a good idea and I really don't want to,but he keeps telling me I have to.
I understand that he's not ready for a baby and nither am I but its just something I feel really bad about.
What should I do?
Well to behonest there is another life you are considering than just you and your bfs, yes your 15 and yes its going to be well hard, but don't be forced by your boyfriend just because he wants to, its yours just as much as its his and I'm guessing he'd rather have a life than a baby, I'm not telling you to keep it, I'm just suggesting that you think about this and don't be forced or talked into something you don't want, how did you get pregnant, did you not use contraception and if not well then its not the babies fault.
Well he and I were not as careful as we should have been.Quote:
Originally Posted by soet626
At first he wanted me to get an abortion but that is something I am strongly agenst,
But yea I think he rather hang out,but he's still able to do that even when the baby is born because we live in different states,so he's not going to be the one struggleing with the baby,. I am but he's only thinking about how this affects him meanwhile he's not doing anything
What do your parents think? Keep or Give?? Excuse my rudeness, but c'mon now, you're 15. And if no parents, then what does who ever looks after you think?
Well to be frank he's not some worth the time then hunni, sounds like a complete idiot, and yeah he could still see his mates but well if he's not going to be careful then that's the outcome of it.
Is there anyone else that will be able to help with the baby?
You need to talk to a counselor, one that specializes in teen pregnancies/adoption.
Even willingly chosen, with eyes wide open, adoption is HARD.
Being a parent under the same circumstances is also really hard.
You have to make this choice on your own. Only you know what you can live with for the rest of your life.
I really suggest seeing a counselor about it, one NOT at an adoption agency (they will pressure you into choosing adoption, and you need to be absolutely certain of what you want).
As far as your boyfriend goes... forget him. Seriously... make this decision for your baby, and for you, not for anyone else.
First your "boy friend can not make you do anything, this is your choice alone, But you should be speaking to your parents first because it is above all depends a lot on their help at this point in your life. Also your boy friend should be in serious worry since at 15 this is statue rape in almost every state in the USA, so he should have a lot of other worries.
Also of course your boyfriend does not want to pay you child support for the next 18 to 21 years either.
And yes, from what it sounds, I would not worry about talking to the boyfiend, until you have him served with child support payments.
Well my mom wants me to give costody to her,but I don't trust her because at first she was telling me to put it up for adoption.
Lately my family has been really saportive of my decission to keep it.
But my boyfriend has been try to get them to tell me to put it up for adoption but there not because they know I don't want to
Well if you were smart and weren't having sex in the first place this never would have happened. But stuff happens.. look it's your baby and it's what you want.. chances are your heck of a boyfriend would leave you either way... do what you think is right.. your boyfriend just doesn't want to pay childsupport. But he will if he leaves you anyway... But on the other hand you're really young and not ready for a child.. and giving it to a family that would be able to support it and take care of it is a better idea. But don't choose it because of your boyfriend choose it because it's what's best.Quote:
Originally Posted by soet626
You don't even need to put his name on the birth certificate but then it may be harder filing for child support through the years as the baby grows. He would probably make you go for DNA test to prove he is the father just to make it more difficult on you. But point being, he really doesn't have a say one way or the other if you keep the baby. As Katieperez says what do your parent(s) guardian have to say about your keeping the baby? Will they help? Do you have any plans, ideas on how you are going to manage?
You should talk to your parents/guardians first. Since they will be helping you to support the child if you want to keep it, then they are the first people you need to talk to. I think you need to make a decision(with their help) that you think is right for the baby. Not for your boyfriend, not for you. You are responsible for this child's future. Are you ready to be a mom? You will have a lot of responsibilities. Not only will you have to keep up with school while raising a child, but you will also have to get up and change diapers in the middle of the night, rock a crying baby for hours when he/she is sick, clean up puke, make up bottles, and it goes on and on. I'm not trying to discourage you from keeping your child, but you need to decide if you are ready to handle all of it. Not only do you have the physical care of the child as a responsibility, but also you have to behave the right way towards the child. You have to teach him/her the right way to act, give them morals and guidelines to live their life by, and teach him/her important social skill. If you and your parents decide that you are up to the challenge, then there may be programs that can help you. Many crisis pregnancy centers have programs for teen parents. There also may be financial assistance available to you. Have you been to a doctor yet? If not, get there ASAP. You need to make sure that you are healthy enough to deliver a baby. If there are any medical problems, the sooner you know, the sooner you can get treatment for them. Once you go to your parents and a doctor, see what programs are available where you live. You may be given a social worker to help you out. I admire your sense of responsibility. If you do decide to give the child up for adoption, rest assured there is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes the greatest sacrifice a mother can make is to give her child a chance at a better life. If you do keep the child, then you will have a hard road ahead of you. I'm sure with the right support you can be a great mom. Good luck! :) Hope this helps.
Well making me go for a DNA test would be kind of stupid considering I was a virgin before him.
The thing about him is he's is confusing the heck out of me.
One day he's all happy an excited to be a dad and another he's paranoid and just flips out.
When he told me about putting the baby up for adoption I told him if you don't want a kid that bad then don't bother coming to see him if you want nothing to do with him.
Then he told me if I ever tried to keep him away he'll take me to court.
The whole thing is one big headache.
I would just like to point out, to counter PeggyHill...
If you choose adoption, you are at the mercy of the adoptive parents who will promise you ANYTHING to get their hands on your kids. Once they have your baby... every promise they make is up to them to keep, because there are no legal contracts in adoption.
You will wake up crying, missing your baby.
You'll miss every single first that child has... first step, first tooth, first word, first day of school, first date, first Communion--EVERYTHING.
You'll hear a baby cry, and wish it was yours.
You'll wince every time a little kid about the age of yours cries "Mamma" in a store, at a restaurant, in the park, everywhere--because your baby will NEVER call you that name.
You'll have issues in relationships because no one will ever understand why that child's birthday reduces you to tears and drinking wine alone at home.
You'll learn to hate Mother's Day, and hate your friends for never remembering with you.
You'll hate your family for not offering you the support you needed.
You'll end up in counseling for YEARS to get over your hang-ups.
People seem to think that adoption is a good option when you're still a teen, and can't support the child immediately without help--they'll tell you how good you are, how wonderful you are, how happy you've made someone else--and forget that you MISS your child, every day.
Then you get others--the ones that think you didn't love your child, and THAT is why you chose adoption.
People forget that you're not giving up just a baby--but EVERY MOMENT of a person's life.
Please... I'm not encouraging you to dismiss adoption. It was a very good option for me--I was in no way fit to be a mother as a teen. But I went into it eyes wide open, and it's STILL a struggle--and the only real reward is knowing that my child is well cared for and loved, even though I never get to see her.
15 or not--you are making an adult's choice now, and anyone that talks down to you because of your age is making a mistake. There are options out there if you want to parent--and it sounds like you do. Start with hitting the jerk of a dad with child support, and then look into your other options. There are programs out there not only to help you finish high school (if your family won't help) but to go on to college. It will be hard--I'm not going to lie to you--but you CAN do it, if you decide to.
Well this is a question only you can answer, because well think about it, I have a half-brother that is adopted, I love him with all my heart yet I've never met him. But if your final decision is to listen to your boyfriend, think it all through, I know your young but hey, people pull it through all the time so you can to if you really want to just make sure your not going with abortion because srry but I an rle against that... but follow your heart, if your ready or not, listen to yourself you;ll get the answer don't let anyone determine that answer but you because I can't even tell you the answer, go deep... you'll KNO what to do :D
My Dear... it Really Sounds Like Deep In Your Heart, You Really Want Your Child, But You're Just In A Bit Of Doubt And Fear Because You Have No Support From The People Who Are Supposed To Be On Your Side (family), Or Partner.
Like Synnen Said, You Should Seek Help From A Counsellor. If You Are Attending High School At The Moment, Then You Should Make An Appointment With Your School Guidance Counsellor. They Should Be Able To Direct You To The Right Source.
If You're Not In School, Then There Are Clinics Or Programs For Teen Mothers That Would Be Very Resourceful.
But Really And Truly... think About This Innocent Child, Who Had Nothing To Do With The Decision Of Being Brought Into The World And Then To Be Given Away. Also Think About The Way That "you" Will Feel, When You First Lay Eyes On That New Life, And Then Never Seeing It Ever Again.
Trust Me Girl... there Is Always Help Out There. I Am Sure That Your Parents Will Be Willing To Help You Out A Great Bit. As Far As Giving Over All Rights, I Strongly Disagree With That. It Will Be Like Giving Your Child Up For Adoption But Worse. You Will See The Child, But Have No Say.
Your Boyfriend Obviously Doesn't Want A Child For The Woman He "loves", Then Again... does He Know What "love" Is?? Do You?? Let's Just Say That Actions Speak Louder Than Words.
You Are Not The Only One That Has Gotten Themselves Into This Sort Of Situation. If Fact There Are Girls Younger Than You, Who Have This Kind Of Responsibility. It Will Be Hard... but Worth It!!
Please Let Me Know What You Decide. Follow 50% Of Your Heart, And 50% Of Your Mind, And I'm Sure Your Decision Will Be 100% Creditable.
Reading all of your responses really helped.
I applied for a school were I can bring my baby with me and they'll help me.
It's my baby and even though I'm young I will do my best to take care of him, with or without my boyfriends help.If he doesn't want to be the mature responsible adult he says he is then I'm not even sure he disserves to be a dad.
Im keeping my little boy!
Reading Your Response, Just Brought Tears To My Eyes. I Am Very Proud Of You, And Your Little One Will Be Also. Remember That God Wouldn't Give You Any Task That He Thought You Couldn't Manage.
Never Think That Your Child Was A Mistake... he Is Simply A Lesson. And This Experience Will Help You Make Wise Decisions In The Future.
You Go Girl!! I Believe You Will Be The Best Parent For Your Child!!
That's awesome! Good for you! That's great that you found the school! I'm sure you will make a great mom! Do you know, is it a boy or girl? Congratulations and good luck!
It's a boy!
I still haven't decided on a name yet, but I'll get there soon.
Wow if just picking out a name is hard I can't imagine everything else.
Wish me luck!
I do wish you luck because you are going to need it. No sermonizing about you shouldn't have had sex or not. You know the answer to that. You are giving up a good part of your childhood by being a mother at 15. But, from what you have written, that may be the best choice for you.
You have gotten good advice all around, but I think I need to emphasize a couple of points. First, you SHOULD list your boyfriend as the father on the birth certificate. If he wants to contest that let him get a DNA test to prove that he isn't the father (which, according to you he won't be able to). But you have to make sure he contributes to the support of this child. And putting him on the birth certificate is the first step to that.
You will need to file for physical custody as soon as the baby is born. Otherwise, its possible (though a long shot), your boyfriend could get custody himself. You then need to file for child support from him. Maybe he can't afford it now, but he may in the future.
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