Ask Me Help Desk - Together... or not?

Okay people, here's wahts going on. There is this guy I am currently with, well, not really. We just talk and we go out and mess around... except when other guys ask me if I'm single I say that I am... yet I feel like I'm not. Then this guy expects me to be exclusive with him yet I don't know if he is being "faithful" to me. I even feel weird using that word... but don't get me wrong, I like him a lot yet I also feel interest in other guys. Is that messed up or what?

So I don't know where to go from here, and to add to all this, the guy and I had talked about being together officially but we decided not to since he's leaving in two months to Boston and I won't be able to be with him... and there's something else... recenlty a guy asked me to go to his house and when we were there we got close, it wasn't like we were going at it like animals, it was that borderline friends crap, and he asked if he could kiss me and I said no. I felt like I should be faithful to my other guy yet we weren't together and I questioned whether it was all right to test the waters... I dind't though, it would have weighed heavily on my conscious.

Now, tonight I go to a drawing session called "the burn" with a room full of guys and there is this one guy I think is so beautiful and he looks like he's a lot of fun, he said he would see me there today. He said that he was looking forward to being able to hang out afterwords and I don't think I should go because I might just not be able to control myself, life is such a *****! Anyway, I don't know what to do. Why is life so confusing... send me your help, I appreciate it and I'll be oh so grateful. Thanks.

I was browsing through the site and your issue is somewhat similar to mine.

The bottomline is your guy si leaving for Boston in two months.

After that, what? Does he come for weekend visits? Will he write or call?

If it's a permanent shift and you are not moving with him, then there is a very low chance that this relationship will work out.

If you just want to have good clean fun, and you can live without your guy... then I would suggest, talk to your guy if you can be UN exclusive... n baby... when you see other guys, you neednt have sex all at once. Take things slow.

If he wants you to be exclusive... work things out with him.

The bottomline is sex is important, yeah, and so is fun, but everyone, you and I.. need a friend.. an exclusive friend to run home to when the days done. You goota look out for that guy.. and hook him fast

Rachel has a good point. You did not state how old you were and how long you have known each other, but you do seem to 'feel' close. Is this because you have a wish to 'belong' to someone, or do you really care about this guy? Relationships are confusing and need a basis of communicating, that leaves the wondering out and therefore less stressful. Talk to him, ask him if he intends to see other girls, and see his reaction, take your cue from there. It's OK to 'talk' to other guys, you are not married or wearing an engagement ring, but you should take it slow. Looking at a guy does not tell you if he will be 'fun' or not, he could be a wolf in sheep clothing, so you need to do more than just look before you make your choices. I know a well decorated plate looks good, but the food sometimes tastes like crap, so what you see is not always what you get. If the thought of a kiss makes you feel you are 'cheating' then you really need to let the guy know how you feel and ask him what the future looks like. After that, you can plan on what to do next. I think I repeated myself at a point there, but you know what I mean, I hope. Good luck, and keep us posted. http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_3_1.gifGosh, if we could only be sure...

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I agree with what's been said except for one thing I would like to point out... The married thing... whether engaged or married or not, it should not affect talking to a person of the opposite sex. Hanging out with them on your own can lead to trouble, but if you are in a room full of people, whether there is a ring on your finger or not, it's okay to talk to other people.
I would just like to add one thing, if you can't talk to the guy now and see where you stand, how on earth do you expect to be able to keep ANY kind of relationship going once he moves? It's true that communication is one third of any relationship, commitment, and compromise. The biggest one however that which without it there is NO relationship is trust. If you trust him then definitely talk to him, trust him to be able to look past himself and see what you are asking. You need to know before this guy leaves town, is he leaving the town and everything in it, or is he going to come back for you someday. You need to know long before he leaves where you stand so you don't waste your time waiting for him and pushing away potential "forevers" for someone who's leaving and not coming back! Whatever you do, don't leave it totally his call make sure that whatever is decided, is a mutual decision. Otherwise, it gives him a certain power over you, and may lead to you getting messed over in the end. If given too much power over someone else, people sometimes end up taking advantage of the situation and thus rendering us lost and wondering where we gave up the power!
Good luck...

Quote:

Originally Posted by lavaya23

I agree with what's been said except for one thing I would like to point out... The married thing... whether engaged or married or not, it should not affect talking to a person of the opposite sex. Hanging out with them on your own can lead to trouble, but if you are in a room full of people, whether there is a ring on your finger or not, it's okay to talk to other people.
I would just like to add one thing, if you can't talk to the guy now and see where you stand, how on earth do you expect to be able to keep ANY kind of relationship going once he moves? It's true that communication is one third of any relationship, committment, and compromise. The biggest one however that which without it there is NO relationship is trust. If you trust him then definately talk to him, trust him to be able to look past himself and see what you are asking. You need to know before this guy leaves town, is he leaving the town and everything in it, or is he gonna come back for you someday. You need to know long before he leaves where you stand so you don't waste your time waiting for him and pushing away potential "forevers" for someone who's leaving and not coming back!! Whatever you do, don't leave it totally his call make sure that whatever is decided, is a mutual decision. Otherwise, it gives him a certain power over you, and may lead to you getting messed over in the end. If given too much power over someone else, people sometimes end up taking advantage of the situation and thus rendering us lost and wondering where we gave up the power!
Good luck....

How true, but there are a lot of people who don't want to confront these issues because of fear of REJECTION. There are two answers to basic questios: yes and no - and if one can't face a 'no' now and then, you'll be lost and insecure all your life without confidence. So ask that question, no matter what, and you'll know where you stand and can go on with future plans. Again, Good luck.

Hi,
When you say you are "single", and are not married, you must be referring to the fact that you are not going with any particular person?
How old are you?
Anyway, it doesn't matter. Life is full of surprises, and full of new people.
You meet new men every day, and have fun with them. You are normal.
Enjoy meeting others, and don't worry or be confused about it. We use to call it "playing the field", when someone doesn't want to be involved with just one person all the time.
Eventually, you will meet the person who you want to be with, and can't think of anyone else but him. You will be amazed that you don't want to think about other men!
It will happen, but you're having too much fun now for any serious relationship.
I do wish you the best, and keep having fun; enjoy it.

Beautiful men while nice to look at are always bad news because they know they are pretty.