Ask Me Help Desk - Ex's in family photos

Ex's in family photos

I would love to have a family photo with my boyfriend our new baby boy and his son (5, Devonte) from a previous relationship. However, my boyfriend brings up that he doesn't want to exclude his ex if we take a photo with her (their) son. I don't want to look at my family photo and see her. I would even be okay with him taking a family photo with her and their son and then our own. He says I would just creat separatism. I don't know how to explain to him that 'yes, you are still involved in your son's life but as far as their family unit goes, its just his ex and their son. Am I going about this the wrong way? Am I just be selfish?

HUmm... I don't think your selfish 4 thinking this way. I would think the same thing! Honestly, I think your totally right.

If you are not getting them professionally done -Compromise. Take pictures in every combination you can think of
Him and his son,
Him, ex and son,
You, him, sons,
Even professionally done I think they give you at least three different poses where you can add and take out people.

I can see his point. He doesn't want a picture of you, him, and your child together, and one of him, his other son, and the ex, because that sends a clear message to your step-son that he isn't part of the new family. And it seems that he is trying very hard to remain involved in his son's life, which is a very good thing. Kids, boys especially, need their fathers. Whether you like it or not, their "family unit" is NOT just the ex and their kid. He is a part of it, and will be, hopefully, for all his son's life.

Having said that, I am having a hard time myself with figuring out how to fit the ex into a family photo. I'm leaning towards Nohelp's view... take several pictures with different combinations of people. That way you will have some with and without the ex, which should hopefully make everyone happy.

I'm 22 and a step child in a family my mom and step dad and I have pictures together. I would never want my father in a picture with my mom and I alone it sends an unclear message to a young child as they grow up as well as family members. I honestly find it weird of him to say she has to be in it because they have a son together. I wouldn't mind if my dad wanted to come and get pictures with just him and I but not with my mom in them or vice versa...

Personally I don't think that the ex should be in the picture. My boys and I take "family" pictures with our family but I don't call my ex to get him in them. I'm sure he takes pictures, or he would if he visited them, and I'm not there and wouldn't want to be. Are you sure his ex even wants to be in them? They must get along great if he wants to do this, I hear that happens sometimes. ;)

If you were wanting pictures of just you, your BF and your child - then okay, I could see where he is coming from.
But, since you want the other son included - I don't get it.
The ex SHOULD NOT be in your family picture. That door has closed. Unless you guys act as one big happy family and she is a part of your daily life - then I don't think it is appropriate to have her in the picture.
I would have to question WHY he wants her in the picture - the reason given doesn't hold water with me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by CharD03

I would love to have a family photo with my boyfriend our new baby boy and his son (5, Devonte) from a previous relationship. However, my boyfriend brings up that he doesn't want to exclude his ex if we take a photo with her (their) son. I don't want to look at my family photo and see her. I would even be okay with him taking a family photo with her and their son and then our own. He says i would just creat separatism. I don't know how to explain to him that 'yes, you are still involved in your son's life but as far as their family unit goes, its just his ex and their son. Am i going about this the wrong way? Am i just be selfish?

No girl don't you fall for that! If he isn't with her then he doesn't need to take a picture with her, because all its going to do to the child is give him false hope that they are getting back together. Look I am a divorced mother I have a three year old and I just got married to my husbund and we now have a child together,and I'm sure that if I said that I wanted to have a family picture made with my ex husband he would flip out and I couldn't blame him, because he is not in our family that we now have you know.