Situation: Husband and wife about to start filing for divorce. Husband uses drugs, wife doesn't but has tried to commit suicide. Husband is a good dad regardless of drug use. Wife has changed locks and uses threats and tries to keep the 14 yr old daughter from husband. What happens in the OH court system? Does drug testing come into play for the husband during court proceedings? Does he have any rights to his 14 yr old since the wife has recently tried suicide? All this is going on before any papers have been served. Who should file first?


Signed - a caringfriend worried about the daughter

Dear Cake King,
Every dad has "rights" to his children. But the important question is what's best for the 14 year old daughter. The mother's attempted suicide is unlikely to occur again if the drug-using, apprently scary husband gives the mother and daughter some time and space. It is fine for the mother to change the locks. That is not a mark against her. I don't know what kind of threats you mean, but it sounds like the husband has given the mother reason to feel the need to protect her daughter from him.

The best thing for this daughter is a happy, relaxed mother, and the drug using dad should do everything he can to let her become that, primarily by not interfering. He should not be trying to control the mother's behavior by any means at all, including a custody suit. Likewise, the daughter is more likely to WANT to see the dad if he behaves with moderation and doesn't start a custody battle for the sake of his rights or to reduce child support, for example. At 14, the daughter has considerable say in how much time she spends with her dad. He should respect those wishes and he should not try to play mother and daughter against one another, as that would not be in the daughter's interest. If he is a good dad, the daughter will want to see him and will see him. He does not need to do anything. He should be patient right now and not rush things. That is the best thing he can do for his daughter, and in the long run, for himself.

His drug use certainly would be an issue if he started a custody battle. But even if his drug use weren't a problem for him, he should not do that, as it would hurt his own daughter to take her mother to court. Her mother will recover from her emotional problems if the father stays out of her life as much as possible and limits his role in his ex-wife's life to financial support for the daughter. Everyone in this family needs peace and guiet. Custody exchanges should take place in a neutral place where the husband and wife do not need to see each other. The father should not try to talk to the mother any more than necessary at this point. Tell him to sit tight and let his daughter come to him. She will, and then everyone in the family will be happier for his restraint.
Asking

It doesn't matter who files first... somebody just needs to file.

A drug test can be ordered if the mother accuses the father of using drugs and is using that as a reason to try and limit visitation with the child.
The father has rights regardless if the mother has tried to commit suicide or not... and the same can apply as far as that is concerned... if the father has proof that the mother had tried to commit suicide recently, she could be ordered to get medically evaluated.

Bottomline... it sounds like these parents need to get it together. They need to worry about the wellbeing of their child.

With a 14 year old and this type of family history the Judge may very well ask the daughter want she thinks, where she wants to live, what visitation she would like in place. Doesn't have to do what she wants but should give her a voice.

I have seen drug allegations in Court and drug testing ordered right then and there - also mental evaluation.