Hi everyone I'm new to this site but here's the situation. I broke up with my girlfriend of about a year in early September and a couple of weeks later ended up having sex with another girl. I felt really horrible and I don't even know to this day why I did it.well I told my ex that I had sex with this other girl because she asked me and I wasn't going to lie. At first she told me she forgives me but I guess not anymore. I still love my ex a lot. I mean a lot... I went to the hospital over this. I think its kind of rotten how I told her because I thought I was doing the right thing but maybe not.I mean I know I messed up and all but people make poor choices sometimes. Well here's the problem... she tells me sometimes that's she loves me and wants to get back together one day, but not yet. And she calls me and talks with me sometimes for hours and it makes me really happy but most of the time shell be saying she hates me and that she doesn't want to ever hear from me again. I don't know what I'm supposed to think. Does anyone have any suggestions. Its been over 2 months and I've tried to keep busy to not think about her and I've tried to cut off all contact. Ive tried praying to god for salvation of some sort but things just keep getting harder and harder. I'm at the end of my sanity almost. Or that's how it feels. Please anyone and everyone tell me what you think. What can I do? Why is she so hostile? I used to make her smile all the time.

Goodness... OK! So you broke up with her and then had sex with someone else?
If that is the case she has no right to vent her anger directly to you. If you were not in a relationship with her at the time then she shouldn't make your life miserable! She will still probably be upset to hear you moved on but you were broken up!

However, if you were dating her at the time she will be upset, hurt, angry and a whole host of other horrid feelings - I'm sure you understand that!

Why is she so hostile? You f*ed someone else when you supposedly loved her. The fact is, broken up or not, if you truly loved her then you wouldn't have slept with someone else. Also, you broke up with her for a reason, obviously something just wasn't right with your relationship. Yea she may still love you but knowing what you did is probably too much for her to forgive. And she probably misses you, so every once in awhile she's probably able to rationalize what happened but then she gets her wits back and gets mad again. Even if she were to "get over it" nothing would ever be the same and she would always have a form of hostility and anger towards you. Unfortunately, I think the only thing you can really do is move on. Maybe you can be friends for awhile and then let it bloom back into love but other than that... I don't know. Good luck though, hope it works out for you

Can I ask why did ye break up in the first place?

Because I lost hold of who I thought I was. I needed some time and I thought we were done. When I had sex with that other girl it felt so wrong that I stopped and left. I didn't even want to I don't know why I did it. It was a mistake that I made but I want more than anything to be able to redeem myself and show her how sorry I am that I broke up w/ her in the first place.

I wouldn't be so hard on yourself. You let her go for a reason don't let pride draw you back.

The thought of her sleeping with someone else can drive us crazy!

If she got mad cause u had sex with someone else she is in the wrong cause

You guys were not together. IF she doesn't want to speak to you now

Because of it then she needs to grow up. If it was the other way around

She would tear you a new one for questioning it.

So does anyone have any advice as to what I would want to do if my heart tells me that I want her back. I've tried to let go and say it is in the past but there is so much more we didn't do and so much more I wanted to do with her. I really want to be with her I've never met anyone even close to the same personality as she has. She's just so amazing

I know I can't make her want me but I feel like maybe my efforts to try and get her back are pushing her away. But I also tried to leave her alone and let her think and sometimes shell call me and say she misses me but lately its been impossible to not think of her. What do I do..

Quote:

---

I know I can't make her want me but I feel like maybe my efforts to try and get her back are pushing her away. But I also tried to leave her alone and let her think and sometimes shell call me and say she misses me but lately its been impossible to not think of her. What do I do..

---

I know how you feel man, you are right you can't make her want to be with you. The only thing you can do is to move on and make a life for yourself. If she wants to come back she will do anything it takes to be back with you. It is best to go NC and stay there until that day comes. But don't count on that day, think of it as over for good. I know its hard man, I am dealing with it myself every day. I have better days than others. Its been 3 1/2 months since my breakup and I have had NC going now for almost a month. She has been so mean to me and played with my feelings too much over this. I know how you feel about being in love and then trying to be with other girls. It feels akward, and it hurts to be with others but still thinking about your ex that your in love with. I wish I could get over this easier, just keep NC in place and hope for the best and keep it way in the back of your head. Just move on like its never going to happen. Its hard I know but has to be done. Stay strong...

Dude... as far as she's concerned... you PLAYED her. You broke up with her to have sex with another girl, and now you want her BACK, because you got that other girl out of your system (Look, I know that's not howyou say things happened--but I bet that's how SHE sees it). What happens if in the future you want to have sex with someone else again? You'll just break up with her again so that you're not cheating, and then expect her to just be waiting there for you when you're ready to come back.

(again--think of this from HER point of view)

Honey... whatever the reasoning--breaking up with her and then having sex with someone else doomed your relationship.

You're not going to get her back. Do "no contact" and move on from her.

I don't see how you did anything that horrible honestly. Except for telling her something that was really not any of her business. When you guys broke up she lost the right to know what you are doing on your time. If she thinks you did something horrible then I disagree. You are human you have needs and ish happens. Does it mean you don't love her ? No. Does it mean you did anything wrong? No. But if that is how she takes it then don't waste your time and move on. Its not anything you did IMO its her.

Why did you even tell her? Fact is a few after breaking up, it's a probable fact the ex you dumped is going to feel pretty emotional about the whole thing. Who wouldn't? Not many people want to here the guy/girl you loved who split up with you, just a few weeks before is now having sex with others.

You weren't together so nothing wrong with that but think of it, from her point of view. My whole opinion of my ex went down the drain when I heard and saw what she had been doing. She wasn't the person I made her up to be, it was just blind stupidity from my behalf and ignorant!

If ever my ex phoend up and said lets do another try, I probably wouldn't be able to accept what she had done since our breakup. Fact is its broke for a reason, all you can do is apoligise, send a letter or speak face to face. If she's not interested then move on.