Ask Me Help Desk - Sexual harassment

I was recently involved in a sexual harassment case. Both partys involved are close to me. The girl and guy names I will be choosing to use will be changed to protect them.

Heather= Girl
Cary= Guy

I was just relieved on my break and left Heather talking to Cary. I was gone for a good half an hour and when I returned Cary looked at me and left, Heather came to me and almost started crying. She claimed that she put out her hand for a stick of gum when cary had taken her hand in his and began to squeeze and stroke it. I was shocked but on a previous occasion I remembered Cary had done something very similar to me except he hadn't touched me. She went further to say that when they were talking he leaned in closer to her and told her that he was very interested in everything that she was saying. She added that when he gave her a package of gum she dropped it rudely on the table because she didn't want to touch his hand. She admitted she was rude but she was angry and scared. After what had happened he told her if she was going to be like that she could stick it in his pocket. She was shocked that he would do such a thing since he was supposed to be her friend and role model.

I told her everything would be okay and that we would talk to our supervisor when she returned from her trip.

A half an hour later she returned to my desk and told me how cary had tugged her hair and was following her around. He had asked her where she lived and she had lied about it.

I could feel that she was scared and angry, she had reported it soon after leaving me.

Now, I am wondering why cary would do such a thing. He knows the difference between right and wrong but what he had said seemed pretty sketchy.

I am both their friends and yet I have refused to talk to cary since. My friend is young,polite, and very kind. I doubt that she would pull a story like this from thin air.

I have recommended that she take this case further but I am not sure if this is the right course of action.

I wasn't quite sure where to post this and have entered it twice. Here and under Ethics:confused:

When in doubt, advise her to do what she feels is right, but don't be too quick to believe it all and spread rumors. There is always the possibility that she misinterpreted something, or else only told a portion of the story. You can give her advice, but if you choose sides, more than just making it clear that you won't tolerate any of the crap, then you are in some ways guilty of potentially prejudging the guy. Women can lie about stuff like this for various reasons...

She should definitely bring this to the attention of her boss... if nothing is handled by them, then she should keep climbing the corporate ladder until someone resolves the issue.

If this guy thinks she isn't going to do anything, he will continue to do it to her, and maybe other women.

Quote:

Originally Posted by whisperingwind06

I was recently involved in a sexual harassment case. Both partys involved are close to me. The girl and guy names I will be choosing to use will be changed to protect them.

Heather= Girl
Cary= Guy

I was just relieved on my break and left Heather talking to Cary. I was gone for a good half an hour and when I returned Cary looked at me and left, Heather came to me and almost started crying. She claimed that she put out her hand for a stick of gum when cary had taken her hand in his and began to squeeze and stroke it. I was shocked but on a previous occasion I remembered Cary had done something very similar to me except he hadn't touched me. She went further to say that when they were talking he leaned in closer to her and told her that he was very interested in everything that she was saying. She added that when he gave her a package of gum she dropped it rudely on the table because she didn't want to touch his hand. She admitted she was rude but she was angry and scared. After what had happened he told her if she was going to be like that she could stick it in his pocket. She was shocked that he would do such a thing since he was supposed to be her friend and role model.

I told her everything would be okay and that we would talk to our supervisor when she returned from her trip.

A half an hour later she returned to my desk and told me how cary had tugged her hair and was following her around. He had asked her where she lived and she had lied about it.

I could feel that she was scared and angry, she had reported it soon after leaving me.

Now, I am wondering why cary would do such a thing. He knows the difference between right and wrong but what he had said seemed pretty sketchy.

I am both their friends and yet I have refused to talk to cary since. My friend is young,polite, and very kind. I doubt that she would pull a story like this from thin air.

I have recommended that she take this case further but I am not sure if this is the right course of action.

i wasn't quite sure where to post this and have entered it twice. Here and under Ethics:confused:

Tell her to go to the Supervisor the first opportunity she gets. She shouldn't have to put up with that. It is sexual harassment and he needs to stop.

I have also had 3 more girls come up to me with similar stories but none have fully reported them as Heather did.

See? If he thinks he can get away with it he will continue to do it.
I was the victim of sexual harassment in the workplace... in the beginning I just kept ignoring the advances and touches... but it progressively got worse until one day he cornered me, ran his hand down my sides, grab my hips and thrust me towards him and refused to let go... luckily someone else saw this and yelled out to help me... so I really didn't need to do much because there were witnesses.

But he will just continue to do the same or worse.

Quote:

Originally Posted by oneguyinohio

When in doubt, advise her to do what she feels is right, but don't be too quick to believe it all and spread rumors. There is always the possibility that she misinterpreted something, or else only told a portion of the story. You can give her advice, but if you choose sides, more than just making it clear that you won't tolerate any of the crap, then you are in some ways guilty of potentially prejudging the guy. Women can lie about stuff like this for various reasons...

She claims that she doesn't want him to lose his job just to stop what he was doing. I am afraid that I have looked this one-sidedly but I cannot find a reason for her to report something like this without cause. Especially since she gains nothing from it.

Tell her to write and/or email the supervisor the situation dates and times. Your company can be liable for not clearing this up in a timely manner. Also, you said that 3 other women came forward tell them to do the same thing. Cary will be out of a job by the end of the day.

Hmmm, sounds like a good place to put in an application if anybody is looking for a job? Except for all the gossip... you've got the guy convicted already... reminds me of a time when one girl at a party said I was hitting on her big time (and I was), then suddenly three or four other girls accused me of the same thing with them (which was not true)... I know it wasn't a work situation, but I have to wonder why no one reported it before if it happened to them as they have said... kind of seems like nobody wants to be outdone... I wonder if the stories will get bigger and bigger as to what he is supposed to have done?

Please don't misunderstand, I don't support that type of behavior from any guy, but I personally know a number of people who have lied about it.

Anybody have any thoughts about the situation where any group of 3 or 4 women can get any guy fired or at least in a lot of trouble by accusing them of something like this?

I'd really like some advice on how a guy is supposed to protect himself from such allogations... other than not doing it of course??

Well, oneguyinohio what I do is. I keep business business. I don't entertain conversations that are not related to work. Very rarely I would have a conversation with a woman one on one. I'm the employee that's nice but distant. Hard to say someone is sexually harassing when that person doesn't have any contact with that person. If a woman were to claim that I sexually harassed her, the supervisor it wouldn't even be believable.

My company has zero tolerance policy so someone is going to lose there job. So if woman wanted to get someone fired she would choose someone that has a rep for being inappropriate. I would not entertain conversation that are inappropriate with anyone male, female, co-worker and/or customer.

Yes, I believe there is a time and place for such things. Otherwise, to prevent from being accused of something it would be best to consider who your talking to (ex: sensitive, outgoing, bold, close friend etc.)and always pay attention to what they are saying and how they are saying it. If they don't seem interested its best to end it there. A lot of things get out of hand when you talk to a very sensitive person in an inappropriate way.

By the way, its going on a week since she reported the incident and no one has gotten back to her. She is about to take legal action both against the company and the offender.

She says that they are waiting to talk to Cary, but Cary hasn't shown up for work since the incident. And she's starting to forget what happened because she doesn't want to remember it. She also talked to our company manager and he had told her not to write a statement about it until Cary comes back. But, she has already written a 6pg paper on the whole incident from him touching her hand to her last encounter with him.

I know it is best to get both sides but this is getting to be completely ridiculous. I hope that I never get in a situation like this and if I do I'll kick his lame a$$ and quit my job if it comes to it. Gosh.:mad:

Quote:

Originally Posted by whisperingwind06

I know it is best to get both sides but this is getting to be completely ridiculous. I hope that I never get in a situation like this and if I do i'll kick his lame a$$ and quit my job if it comes to it. gosh.:mad:

Well then get HIS side to the story. Also, why is he "out" of the office and hasn't come back? Does he know about the allegations against him?

Women read a lot more into certain situations then men do; she could be spinning the story to her side. Somehow, the real truth will come out, and if Cary is the bad boy that Heather says that he is... then he is gone and you won't haffta worry about him anymore.