Ask Me Help Desk - Is my boyfriend gay.

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for over three years and was expecting to get married next year. When we first started going out I found him looking at she-male porn and confronted him about it. He told me he was curious and for some reason was aroused by it. He swore to me he wasn't gay and he would never look at it again. Well recently I found some she-male porn saved on his blackberry and I don't know what to do. I again asked and he told me before he his first sexual experience (which was with a woman) he was sure what his sexual preference really was. He told me he has never been attracted to guys but for some reason a very hot woman with a penis turns him on. So I have called of the engagement but I am trying to make the relationship work. I just don't know if there is a point. My biggest fear is that he is gay and will take the best years of my life and leave me for a man and with AIDS. When we have sex he has no problem getting turned on and he loves to do oral on me but I just don't know. We only have sex like once or twice a week now mainly because I have put on some weight and just don't feel sexy enough but he doesn't seem to have a problem. I am so confused please help me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by elizabeths22smith

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for over three years and was expecting to get married next year. When we first started going out I found him looking at she-male porn and confronted him about it. He told me he was curious and for some reason was aroused by it. He swore to me he wasn't gay and he would never look at it again. Well recently I found some she-male porn saved on his blackberry and I don't know what to do. I again asked and he told me before he his first sexual experience (which was with a woman) he was sure what his sexual preference really was. He told me he has never been attracted to guys but for some reason a very hot woman with a penis turns him on. So I have called of the engagement but I am trying to make the relationship work. I just don't know if there is a point. My biggest fear is that he is gay and will take the best years of my life and leave me for a man and with AIDS. When we have sex he has no problem getting turned on and he loves to do oral on me but I just don't know. We only have sex like once or twice a week now mainly because I have put on some weight and just don't feel sexy enough but he doesn't seem to have a problem. I am so confused please help me.

My personal belief is that humans are all capable of being aroused by either sex. i.e. we are all psycally bi-sexual. There is a huge difference between what turns one on and what one loves and cherishes. It took me years to understand that. For example I used to get angry inside because my husband like to watch porn while we had sex. It made me feel as if he had to watch that to be with me. I too had put on some extra pounds after having five children...

However, after the divorce, and through meeting many new men and talking frankly about sex with them, I find they are just visually stimulated and it is an enhancement, not a requirement.

As to you own issues about whether he is "gay" If you were with him as husband and wife do you believe he would cheat o you? If so, don't marry him because you do not trust him enough to spend the rest of your life with him.

Find your best friend, the one you know won't betray you. That is who you marry.
Good Luck

I think that you answered your own question... you called off the engagement because of your doubts about the pathway his sexuality is taking him... that means you have to break up with him and go out and find another man more suitable to be your life's partner, your husband.

Don't waste time while you are still young and attractive and strong!

Basically I think it can be very incompatible to be with someone who has sexual interests outside of your own that you do not feel comfortable with. He may not be gay or interested in this BUT if he gets to the point that this no longer simply turns him on and he wants to explore something more erotic to his senses... you have NO idea where the possibilities could lead.
I think you are doing the right thing backing off.
I know of guys that say they like watching two girls together and then after awhile that gets to a point it no longer turns them on so what do they do? They continually ask their girlfriend to have another girl in bed with them.

Will his interests stay on computer or will he want to live it out in real life, one never knows.
It seems you already know the answer, since you called off the wedding, marriage is a matter of trust and you no longer have that with him.

I was in this almost exactly last year. I was going out with my boyfriend for 3 years and we were engaged as well. He came out to me a little before August. Believe me, I know, it's heart breaking. He too also told me countless times he wasn't gay, But I'd find him looking at guys and jerking off to gay porn and what not. I think the best thing is for you to either confront him about, or just wait it out, or if you really don't want to risk the heart break, leave him. I know it's hard sweetie, but we're human. We can survive like this. We were built for it.

Let him watch a gay porn and he gets erect, oh boy, problem. Next, if you have the guts, let a guy aroused him and when he bites it, goodbye.

Id say dump him and move on, find a guy that loves women and you and make sure he doesn't like or love chicks with s. It will, most asuredly cause problems in your future no mater what he says. Remember, in a relationship YOU have to be happy also.

How old is the guy... surely he has figured out what rings his bell by now. If he is into guys why has he decided instead to be with you. I think there is more info we need to figure this out.