Hi I have been with my boyfriend for just over a year and I love him so much we do have a great time together, however until I met him at age 18 (he is 18 also) he had never taken part in any physical activity including masturbation as he had a very sheltered childhood. Things such as hand jobs and blow jobs were new experiences for him and for quite a while he seemed to really be in to it, yet he showed no interest in me. A few months ago I was looking on his history part on his computer to find a website address I was looking for and I came across loads of pictures and videos of half naked men he had been looking at including things such as gay kisses. I was so shocked and felt sick with worry and when I comfronted him he said I only look at them because I'm jealous of the way they look compared to me, however something told me this was not the case and he was looking at them when he was masturbating. The problem is as he had a sheltered lifestlye he doesn't know really what to do and he only recently has started doing things like fondelling my boobs. I realise I have to patient but I can only take so much and part of me is now thinking is he gay? Is that the reason why he is not interested? Anyway I didn't fully believe him despite his word (which I know was wrong) and I knew when he masturbated as he would always say aww I'm going to bed. When he actually went to bed he would ask me to turn off the computer and when he was actually taking part in other activitys he told me to leave it on, I then began at every opportunity to check what he had been looking at and found it was these videos. I was so worked up and eventually when I had had enough and was so upset and screwed up about it all I decided to comfront him. He was angry upset and everything with me and said I had broken his trust and that I had no business snopping around and I obviously didn't love him and things, but I love him with all my heart. I was so upset and I knew I didn't want it to break up as we still do have a good time. Yet it upsets me that its all take and no give with him. Even when in bed, up until recently he would hide his face under the duvet cover when I was giving him a hand job. He said to me when I comfronted him that I needed to trust him and that he wasn't going to stop looking at the videos just because I wanted him too as he wasn't using them for any sexual purpose, but I still can't help being unsure and looking every so often at his computer history. He is most of the time very caring and does constantly tell me he loves me and hugs me and things. I think maybe the reason he is scared of moving further is he doesn't know how but I want to reassure him. A couple of weeks ago in bed I had my underwear on and he was erect and he started pushing down on me with his penis, however he had had a lot to drink and I always feel that when he drinks it's the only time he actually does become aware that I am a person with needs as well. We were very close to sleeping together that night however we ended up just hugging close and then me (as usual) masturbating him. I said I was worried that our relationship would be at the same I masturbate and give you blow jobs stage a year later to him and he broke down, he said he didn't know if he was ready to sleep with me. The thing is that's not necessarily what I want and I wouldn't dream of pushing him but fondling from him to me would be good. However when I said there are oppertunities other than sex he said he didn't really know what to do and what they were. Is this just an excuse. He also said he didn't really know exactly how to have sex and when I looked at his history in one of my paraniod moments again it did have a website which explained how to have sex and whether you are ready. We are both now 19 and I miss being in such a sexual relationship and it really upsets me to think he masturbates to these videos. I however love him so much and have never been so close to someone in a relationship. Do you think he might be gay or am I being unfair and paranoid? Please help I really am at the end of my terror and this worry is making me feel ill!
Thanks
Susie

You could possibly bring up to him in a sidehanded question if he is gay, like "How drunk would you have to be to kiss a guy" stuff like that.
Does he actually look at pornographic material of men, or is it just men being all cut with no shirts on and stuff?

Well we could never really know if he's gay without knowing him and such. If he is he may need time to come to grips. He obviously doesn't want to be confronted yet. Here's a question to ask yourself. If he comes to you a year from now and says he's gay, Would you support and accept him and be his friend? Anyway until you find out. Tell him that he's not the only one in the relationship who needs to be taken care of sexually. You need to be patient and slow with him. But talk to him, you need to be able to have discussions you need to be able to talk about sex. Tell him if he doesn't know how to take care of you then you can show him. Take steps with him. Show him. Talk to him. Show him what you like. Take his hand and show him. But only if he agrees to. If you just do it without talking you may be pushing him and make him angry and even more uncomfortable. Till then you don't know if he's gay. And nothing will remove the question from the back of your head. But just try to put it behind you and just move on with your relationship. But ask yourself how you will take it if he is. Will you befriend him and move on. Anyway that's what I think. Goodluck I hope things get easier

Well, first of all, you were invading his privacy. That was wrong of you. I understand you were upset and acting out of love and care, but it was still wrong. Secondly, since he was so sheltered, maybe he doesn't know what he is. I mean, maybe he is trying to figure out if he is gay, bisexual, or straight. He might just be exploring... he might not even know yet. Ask him that, in a non-confrontational way of course. If you're OK with him "investigating" and "exploring" to see, truly, what it is that he really does want... then tell him that. Maybe your acceptance of who he is will make him want you that much more.

Hope I could help!

Look he's gay or confused. Either way he is lying to you and that's not healthy for any relationship.

It's a case of sexual experimentation-he's trying to discover where his sexuality is bi gay or straight. Yes he masturbates to the videos take that for granted-but I would be telling him that YOU need sexual release as well- he needs to give you something back-either he does that or tell him he needs to go because YOU are just as needy sexual wise as he is.

Cheers

Speaking as a gay man, I would guess he is gay. The first answer that he gave you is one that I would use if confronted... It sounds like he does love you, I have many girl friends that I love, but not in a sexual way. The fact that he doesn't return any of the sex acts also confirms what I think. I know it hurts, but I think you both would be happier if you broke up. You could remain great friends, you could find someone whom you can share an active sex life with, and he could discover who he really is. Let him know that you want him to be happy and that you'll be there for him through it all.

At 18 he should be wanting to have rampant sex with you and explore your body. It all sounds very one sided to me, and certainly not in the realms of your usual horny young guy.

Granted, he may have had a protected upbringing, but in my experience, this doesn't stop most guys. Also, if he was 'straight' he would be masturbating to pictures of women, I would suggest, definitely not guys.

I'm so sorry, but I think that it's a no brainer - he's gay.

This is going to sound odd but here goes:
1 By going onto his computer and looking through all his stuff you may have damaged his trust in you
2 Therefore his ability to communicate openly with you may be hindered.
3 He may not ant to admit to any sexuality that is not "main stream" due to sheltered up bringing.
4 He may be bisexual and going though a phase of being more inclined to the male sex.

What can you do:
1 Apologise for looking through his computer tell him you did it because you needed the answers you were getting upset because he was reluctant to be close.
2 Open up the communication don't be confrontational! Be honest and open tell him exactly how you feel. I he sees you being completely open with him it will help restore trust.
3 Tell him that you love him and want him to be happy but at the moment you are not happy as you are sexually unfulfilled.
4 If he wants the physical relationship to continue teach him slowly how and where to touch to please you. Once he knows what works he might experiment more for himself.
5 If he doesn't want the physical relationship you need to make a decision :
a) stay in the relationship and continue supporting him.
b) become just friends and support him.
c) if you cannot stay friends make a clean break and cut all communication no playing spite games.

I don't think you sound like a girl who would do c but just remember you broke his trust it won't be easily restored.

Good luck x

He lead a sheltered life and he is trying to fit the role of normal and very likely hasn't come to terms that he very likely is gay.
(My guess is yes he is gay)


I have heard of many stories where men or women got married and always felt something wasn't right. Then later in life when being gay got to be more accepted they realized that was the missing puzzle piece to their life.

I wouldn't get any more serious or involved with him until he can be honest with himself and you.
Basically whether he is gay or not you sound sexually incompatible and it most likely won't get any better with him.

As most people here have said, we have No idea if he is gay, or even bi-sexual. He might be, but you Will have to ask him. Ask him if he is turned on by you, if he would Like to have sex with you. Then, you can talk to him about guys. If they turn him on, or if he would like to have sex with them.
In all truth, Most guys his age would want to have sex NOW NOW NOW. haha!
You will have to really sit him down and talk to him. It's up to the two of you to get this worked out.

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