Two years ago I met this girl with two kids we hit off real good for the first year.now all the sudden she sleeps on the couch by herself and not in her bed with me.she says it is not me its is her.she was drinking everynite at first thenwanted to have sex all the time.I don't think she ever been sober to make love to me.I want to make this work but I'm not sure now.I feel like to get out of her house but then again remember the kids they have a crack head father which I know they love me but I know it would hurt them as well which I'm worried about.ive try many times to talk to her of this but she says I'm over tend about things.and it is all in my head she says she in love with me but for real why she sleep alone and not with me like normal couples.please help me to uinderstand this situation.

Are you ready for the point of view of a woman who loves nothing more than to lay in the bed next to her man every night? My hunch would be that she is sleeping with someone else. The children, although you love them, although you have grown attached to them, you must remember, these are not your children and they are not your responsibility. I feel for them, they have a drug abuser as a father and an alcohol abuser as a mother. If this is going to work out, then it is going to take commitment, and agreement from the both of you. If you are the only one who wants to make it work then you will be better off packing your bags now. If the only way that she will have sex with you is if she is intoxicated that's not saying a whole lot about the way that she feels for you. I hate to see good men like you being taken advantage of. I think that you should move out now. If you want to continue to see her then that is all right but you must make other living arrangements.
Good Luck.

I agree with pretty much what letmeno said above (but I hope it is something silly like "snoring," or the bed is too small, etc.).

BTW, how frequently is she doing that anyway? If it is every night, you got a problem to resolve, one way or another. If it is several nights a week, it may just not be a big problem.

First not all couples sleep together for all sorts of various reason, majority yes they do, but not "ALL"

Now let us look at it.

1 Drinks all the time
2. relationship is based mostly on sexual activity first year

Are both of you still drinking all the time?
Are you having sex regularly ( at least two or three times a week)

Have something changed with one or two of you, more commitment, job, partying or drinking?

Often when couples merely move in together based on sexaul conduct and lots of party they soon grow apart or lose interest.

Issues, kids living in a household of adults that are always drinking, are being subjected to a bad situation anyway.

You are not their father and no matter what you want, you can not make a relationship work for very long "just for the kids" esp if they are not your kids.

Both of you get help for the drinking, then get relationship help if you want to make it work,

I have to agree with chuck on this one. Especially about when couples get together based on sex and partying habits. This is not what a relationship should be based upon. What do you think will happen to the both of you when it is time to handle real life situations such as jobs, bills, child rearing etc.

Hi,
Your girlfriend might have a drinking problem, not sure, but something to think about.
Why don't you give yourself, and her, and the kids, a break?
I agree with the others; Move out.
Find yourself another place to live. Let things cool off some, and eventually, if this is really meant to be between you and her, you will get back together.
Remember, you are not the kids' father, and you are not married to her.
Give her a chance to decide what she wants, and you, too.
If you both really love each other, then a "separation" from each other for awhile will only make your love grow stronger. But, if your relationship is not really love, then you need to find that out also. If you really love those children, get away for awhile, and see what happens.

Yes - move out. She has to has clue as to why. She forced this - something is wrong.

WHY won't women communicate what's wrong. It must be something serious for her not to lay next you. WHY haven't you seriously talked about this? AND why haven't you helped her get help with her drinking?

You need to seriously sitting down with her talk. She MUST have something to say. Ask if there is another guy.

Women don't really communicate with the guy in their life because most men's ego wouldn't be able to handle the truth in the raw and uncut form. "Hey, the reason why I don't sleep next to you every night is because it's not really you that I would rather be sleeping next to, it's someone else." I'm not a guy and it still stings just to think about hearing something like that. I don't think that she is really into him anymore. I think when she sober's up and is faced with real life and adult decisions she maybe see's him and her relationship in a whole new light. What ever the case may be, I don't think I could handle living under the same roof with someone for one night if they didn't want me, much less night after night. That has to be torture.

Why do women do this? I'd rather know tha not.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Turn Around

two years ago i met this girl with two kids we hit off real good for the first year.now all the sudden she sleeps on the couch by herself and not in her bed with me.she says it is not me its is her.she was drinking everynite at first thenwanted to have sex all the time.i dont think she ever been sober to make love to me.i wanna make this work but im not sure now.i feel like to get out of her house but then again remember the kids they have a crack head father which i know they love me but i know it would hurt them as well which im worried about.ive try many times to talk to her of this but she says im over tend about things.and it is all in my head she says she inlove with me but for real why she sleep alone and not with me like normal couples.please help me to uinderstand this situation.

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What I read into this is that she has no self-respect whatsoever. The father is a crack head, she drinks, and has to be high to have sex - that is an underlying problem from way back, maybe even abuse. But mainly she feels not worthy of anything, and if you are just a little bit nice (and probably said 'I love you' at least once), she's not used to this and can't handle it and does not feel worthy. It sounds as if she has lived with pain, humiliation, and maybe even abuse all her life and expects this to be the norm. She needs a talking to by you and/or a professional and get to feel that she has a right to be happy and not just 'used' for the rest of her life. Believe me, taking that 'kick me' sign off the back for everyone to see and do, takes a long healing process. If you care for her, you'll help her take that sign off. This is a pattern that many of us have lived with until we either do the suicide bit fast, or slow by alcohol and/or other damage to oneself. Get professional advice if needed and help her out of this, not just for the kids, but for her too. You sound like the right person to do the job and it's a hard long road, and you already took the first step - good for you. Good Luck.

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Dude - I REALLY hope you left. I agree with the women here.

I do agree that she probably is sleeping with someone else.

By leaving you will get your answers.

You will see IF she will get help and IF she wants to be with you.

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Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Dude - I REALLY hope you left. I agree with the women here.

I do agree that she probably is sleeping with someone else.

By leaving you will get your answers.

You will see IF she will get help and IF she wants to be with you.

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Dear, if you know anything about life-long humiliation, abuse, and you feel your not worth crap, and then drink to do the slow suicide bit, you're down so low, you need a little help getting back up. I know this from my mother's treatment of me and then my exhusband. And only after he hit my child by mistake, I woke up and started doing something about it. Would you have closed the lid on me while I was down so far?? Sometimes it takes something drastic to finally arrise from this stupor and we all hope there is someone there to help. I'm glad I had help and I hope this poor woman will get help too. She is not a user, she's been used - that's the difference.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/11/11_12_4.gif

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Originally Posted by Turn Around

two years ago i met this girl with two kids we hit off real good for the first year.now all the sudden she sleeps on the couch by herself and not in her bed with me.she says it is not me its is her.she was drinking everynite at first thenwanted to have sex all the time.i dont think she ever been sober to make love to me.i wanna make this work but im not sure now.i feel like to get out of her house but then again remember the kids they have a crack head father which i know they love me but i know it would hurt them as well which im worried about.ive try many times to talk to her of this but she says im over tend about things.and it is all in my head she says she inlove with me but for real why she sleep alone and not with me like normal couples.please help me to uinderstand this situation.

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Turn Around- If she is still drinking every night then there is a problem, no matter what she says. My biggest concern is the kids. Are they safe with her? I can see you're in a tight spot. You love her but don't understand what or why she's doing what she's doing. Does she still have her parents and are they around to help with the kids? If they are, maybe you should consider talking to them and asking them to take the kids for a while so that she can get some help. In love with you or not, drinking every night and then going to bed on the sofa alone is not a good sign. Offer to go with her to AA but don't force her. If she won't accept the fact that she needs help and needs to get it for the sake of her kids then she's on her own. Move out and keep in touch with the kids so that they don't feel abandoned. Staying there will only make the situation worse. Maybe if she see's that you're honestly concerned about her she will do something about it.

She has to get high to be with you.

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Originally Posted by Katiy

She has to get high to be with you.

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We don't know this woman or what she has gone through all her life. There are those that are lucky and grow in a stable and happy family, and there are those who were not so lucky and needed an escape and/or crutch to deal with their delemas. Those not so lucky were usually maltreated from the beginning and now think it's the only way they deserve to be treated even though they wish things were different, therefore using anything and everything to escape from their torn up reality. They never got the experience of a caring and loving environment and long for something missing in their lives. This does not mean they are bad, just confused as heck. When treated like crap all your life, it's hard to take kindness and compliments because they don't know how to reciprocate. He did not say she mistreated her children, otherwise someone would have taken them away already. He does care for her and wishes he could help, otherwise he would not have turned to us. I laud him for this and maybe, just maybe he might be able to help her realize there is more to life than being kicked all the time, but it will take time to heal this wound. I still feel positive about this and hope my gut feeling is right this time. As I said before, I've been there and am glad I had help and am able to understand more about the rationale behind most self-destructive actions. There is always a 'beginning to the rest of the story' even if you have to dig into the past.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_44.gifput yourself in her shoes, if you can..