I was sleeping one day, and our computer is in our bedroom, when I woke up, and rolled over there I saw my boyfriend watching porn videos.. he didn't see me, but NOW I'm so.. I don't know, I don't even have words. I am a very sexual human being, and we have sex all the time, I enjoy porn just as much as he, and I'm always horny, more then him sometimes... anyways, when I made it obvious I was awake, he quickly turned it off, when I groaned or moved or whatever... I haven't mentioned it since. I don't know what to say, I really don't miind the porn, but I guess I'm a little insecure about him imagining other women.. we have been together for just about 2 years and I know I have nothing to worry about, and I'm def. not one of those women who despises porn, but I guess I feel a bit bothered, and annoyed... what is it with porn? Is it a fantasy sort of thing? And what should I do?

I understand being a little upset, it seems like he was hiding it from you, which brings up trust issues. Honestly I think men who look at porn in secret get the extra thrill out of it being a secret. I mean, sure it's great if you watch it together, but if it's taboo, that adds to the sexiness. In my opinion, unless you find this is a habitual thing, where he is spending all his free time looking at porn and hiding it from you, I wouldn't worry too much about it.

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Originally Posted by maryJane159

I was sleeping one day, and our computer is in our bedroom, when i woke up, and rolled over there i saw my boyfriend watching porn videos..he didnt see me, but NOW im soo..i dont know, i dont even have words. I am a very sexual human being, and we have sex all the time, i enjoy porn just as much as he, and im always horny, more then him sometimes...anyways, when i made it obvious i was awake, he quickly turned it off, when i groaned or moved or whatever... i havent mentioned it since. I dont know what to say, i really dont miind the porn, but i guess im a little insecure about him imagining other women..we have been together for just about 2 years and i know i have nothing to worry about, and im def. not one of those women who despises porn, but i guess i feel a bit bothered, and annoyed...what is it with porn? is it a fantasy sort of thing? and what should i do?

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I myself am a bit of a nimf and watch porn with my partner I found it strnge for him to be wanting to watch it on his own as I have a very high sex drive and thought he wouldn't need anything else. But men like to fantazise a lot and you would not find it right if he did this while having sex with you and thinking of another woman. Many women see this as cheating an I suppose you can look at it that way but its not! Have you ever watched an episode of sex and the city and found yourself getting hot flushes but would never be able to watch something like that with your partner and feel the same well that's how men view it. I suppose its like private time and being able to relax yourself without having to do a lot of hard work in the process. Its understandable you find it odd I mean when my partner even reads a porn mag or page free I get funny but its what they can't have but to be onest wouldn't want if they could.

Girl, you have issues. Credit card debt that won't go away, in part due to your drug addiction. Now you're expressing resentment towards your boyfriend for watching porn. And the guy wasn't even hiding it from you! He was in the same room!

Please take my advice from the other thread and contact NA. They can help you.

He was right there next to you. I wouldmt really worry about it. At least he was there watching it and not out getting it!! I don't partiulary love my husband watching and he doesn't much,but I don't ever get upset. Its not worth it and he seems to enjoy it every now and again so who cares. Not worth the battle. We have much worse issues to battle then that :)

You say you enjoy porn, does he know that? Maybe he is afraid of what you may think. Maybe when your looking at porn ask him to come look at it with you, see what he does. Might give you a clue to answer your own question.

Just my $0.02 CDN :D

Obviously is personality & sexual prefernces will affect the situation so keep that in mind
But when a guy watches porn they're usually not thinking of the women, it more the action. Also a lot of times men will put other women in place of the one shown in the porn, because they can be a bit ugly/trashy.
Also I would suggest you talk to him about it

Although you were asleep, he was looking at the videos while you were in the room, so he may have felt comfortable looking at them with you there, and he may have felt that you wouldn't have any issues with it if you woke up and saw him. Now, it sounds like you may have gotten the point across to him that watching porn by himself will be a no-no, so unless you change your mind, he'll do it when you are not around.

Most men enjoy porn, but it doesn't necessarily mean they don't love their wife. I feel certain that you may have a fantasy or two swirling around in your mind while he is making love to you. Couldn't a person argue that it could be construed that your fantasies are mental porn movies playing in a your head.

Unless there are other things that we don't know about that are causing you trust issues, relax. At this point in time, I think it's harmless.

Thanks guys, I have spoken with my boyfriend, and like I said, I do love porn and I know he does too, I was just making sure I had nothing to worry about and I def. don't. I love him regardless of him watching porn. And I'm so thankful for all of your comments. :)

I'm happy that things worked out.

Constructive, non-threatening communication can be one of many things that a couple can do that can lead to a long relationship, and trust can be another.

It looks like you and him are working towards those as positive goals.

Take care. :)

I just had this problem with my boyfriend.. and he said the only reason he watched it once without me is because he likes the fantasy of the girls dressing up and playing role reversal and was to embarrassed to ask me if id try it with him..

Hahah.. boy was he wrong ;)

Let's see here, where to start. This can sometimes be a little tough to convey, and this could take an extremely long post to fully explain. I'll try to keep it as brief as I can.

There seem to be at least four different aspects to your post. First, there appears to be the issue of why guys like porn in general. Second, there is an aspect of your question about the type of porn that your ex liked. Third, there is the aspect that you feel a man is cheating by looking at porn. Fourth, you ask why does porn seem to be accepted or acceptable by people.

To try and answer your first question, as a guy, all I can say is that a majority of guys like to look at porn, and I'm counting dirty magazines as porn, and not just movies. If a majority say they don't, then chances are strong they are lying.

Every guy is different to where at one end there are the guys that want to look at porn non-stop, and at the other end there are guys that don't want to look at it at all for whatever reason. The guys that constantly want to look at porn several times a day every day (24/7/365) might have an addiction problem and might need help. Regarding the guys that don't like to look at porn, it's hard to say. They may have a low libido and have no strong urges for it, they may be sexually repressed and have some sort of hangups, or there could be something else that I can't think of.

Porn for guys may fulfill a fantasy they know they can't do or will not do in real life. I guess it could be compared almost like playing a video game to where you commit various levels of theft or aggression. For example, some guys might enjoy a type of porn to where a wife is being shared with another man, but in real life, they would never be able to (or want to) do this. Some guys might enjoy watching girl on girl sex, but they know their wife or girlfriend would never do this. I guess it could be seen in some ways as a fetish or a fantasy.

This leads me into the second aspect of your question to where your ex like watching girl on girl. Some people might say that it could be some repressed homosexual type of feelings, and that he can't handle actually watching gay porn, or be with a man sexually, so watching two women could be an acceptable form of this. Others might say that he might fantasize about performing with and watching two women, and it's hard to say if those were two strange women or you with another, but he feels you would not be open to it. It's really hard to say if it could be either of those, or something else entirely. It's almost like trying to answer whether he would actually want to act out that fantasy in real life. Chances are many men would chicken out for the possible fear of being excluded by the women somehow within the act, or not being able to perform for both women and one of them being pissed off for whatever reason.

The third part of your question involved porn and is it cheating. I'd say it isn't, but I'm sure there could be others that would argue against it. Many men and women fantasize about other people while having sex with their spouse. I have and I'm sure my wife has too. The only thing could be is that porn is actually viewing sex acts or fantasy partners instead of thinking about them. It's hard to say without knowing the person, since so many men like porn.

The fourth part of your question seemed to be about why does porn seem to be acceptable by people. I feel that one reason could be that people are understanding that sex is part of biology. Another reason could be that sex is everywhere within our movies, TV, magazines, and advertising. So, porn may not seem that dangerous or a threat by people. Of course, there are people out there that do not feel that it's acceptable at all. Depending on the circumstances and such, my wife and I perfectly fine with it, and no, we do not watch porn movies like crazy. We watched a few when we were younger.

It sounds like you and your ex were polar opposites when it came to ideas regarding sex to where you are very conservative compared to him, and he was more open to different ideas. Don't get me wrong here. I'm not saying that either of you is right or wrong regarding each of your views. It's hard to say why each of you are the way that you are. I would be curious as to what attracted each of you to the other, and what the views on sex were.