My boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 and a half years now, he's 8 years younger than I am, but this has never been a problem or even an issue. A few months ago, I found some messages between my boyfriend and an "old friend" of his... female of course. In this message, he proceeded to tell her that we (he and I) don't have much in common and that he doesn't really like hanging out with me. He then proceeded to ask her if she wanted to hang out sometime, even asking her to go out to his mom's new house with him on the weekend (which I hadn't even been to yet). I confronted him, he denied everything. He says that they're just friends and that they haven't hung out in a long time and that he just wanted to hang out with her again. I know that he still talks to her behind my back and tries to hide it from me. I don't think he's actually met up with her as of yet, but what the hell am I supposed to think about this? He swears that he'd never cheat on me, and I believe him, but what the hell is this? How am I supposed to handle this? Like I said, I know that he's still talking to her and trying to hide it from me. As far as I'm concerned, if you have to hide something, you shouldn't be doing it in the first place. I really need some advice. Please help!

Yes, that is cheating.

Hope you all can work it out and be honest or...

"Cheatin' and deserves a beatin' --"

You asked him to stop contacting "old friend" and he continues. That is a slap in the face. He is making all the preparations to cheat now. Hiding is one big red flag. When people are not happy in a relationship it is their duty to try to find ways to improve it. He needs to tell you why he is not wanting to "hang out' with you,so you can work on it if that is what you want to do. I say hang him out, make your exit plans.

If he is in a relationship with you and he is telling this other person that your not together in hopes of getting tight with this girl. That would give him the opportunity of cheating. How can he deny something that is right there in black or white. Did he explain why he is telling this other person these things. Old friend, do not think so.

Joe

Even if he's not cheating, he's not fully engaged in the relationship.

I agree with you, that if you have to hide it from your partner, its probably wrong... or at least it isn't going to help that relationship at all.

Sorry to say it, but I think you have reasonable cause to have trust issues.

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Originally Posted by Tdiggs

In this message, he proceeded to tell her that we (he and I) don't have much in common and that he doesn't really like hanging out with me. He then proceeded to ask her if she wanted to hang out sometime, even asking her to go out to his mom's new house with him on the weekend (which I hadn't even been to yet).

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Don't have much in common with you. And stays with you since 3.5 years. Doesn't it sound a little weird here? Its funny, right.
He doesn't really like hanging out with you. What are you for him? His girlfriend or his friend, cause I don't get this. My ex told me the exact words, and I found out she cheated on me with her best friend, with whom she has so much in common. Making it a little more funny, its like I'm going to cheat with my best *guy*-friend on my girlfriend, because he and me have so much in common, doesn't count that I'm a guy too :) I'm going to cheat because we have too much in common. Sounds logic ? To me neither.

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Originally Posted by Tdiggs

I confronted him, he denied everything. He says that they're just friends and that they haven't hung out in a long time and that he just wanted to hang out with her again.

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What did you expected? Him to tell you that yes, that is true? That I'm going to cheat on you, because we don't have too much in common? I stayed in that position for 4 months circa, until I found out that yes, she was cheating on me with him (because of the things in common) since 1 month, so 3 months after we started "arguing" about that thing, and like you, I said maybe I'm damn wrong, maybe really he is her best friend, I mean, she doesn't see him as a sexual opportunity. It happened, whatever I did, whatever I said, every word I said, was just vanished.

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Originally Posted by Tdiggs

I know that he still talks to her behind my back and tries to hide it from me. I don't think he's actually met up with her as of yet, but what the hell am I supposed to think about this? He swears that he'd never cheat on me, and I believe him, but what the hell is this?? How am I supposed to handle this? Like I said, I know that he's still talking to her and trying to hide it from me. As far as I'm concerned, if you have to hide something, you shouldn't be doing it in the first place. I really need some advice. Please help!

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He swears but you know that he still talks to her behind your back. And you still don't believe what he is doing? And you wonder you can save this realtion by talking to him? You waste your time, your energy, your words, become jealous, become "controlling", you don't let him do whatever he wants to do with this girl. They want to hang out, and than go to bed. But you don't let them. Why not? What do you have to loose. Just a little kiss between them, just a little sex between them, it won't be so bad. You are such a bad girl about them 2. you came in the middle of their little "relation behind your back". Believe me, this are the things he is thinking. I did it girl, I was in your shoes for 4 damn months, trying to save a null, nothing, I wasted my words, my time, I got hurt, disrespected, lied, everything what a person can live in a hell, and in the end, I was the "bad" person, because I was jealous and controlling about her and her reaction.
You get my point now? SAVE YOURSELF FROM THIS DRAMA NOW. EVERY CHEATING BEGINS FIRST AS A EMOTINAL CHEATING. NOT JUST LIKE THAT, ONE NIGHT STAND. THAT IS SOMETHING ELSE. THIS CASE IS THE EMOTIONAL CHEATING, AND AFTER... BETTER SAVE YOURSELF. NOT IF HE DOES IT AGAIN. HE DID IT, YOU GOT THAT, NOW WAKE UP, AND LET HIM GO TO THE LADY. So you don't waste your time and your energy, and say him that at least he is not obligated to lie.

It depends on your past with him and what you know of his character. From what you've described, (and I'm offering my male point-of-view opinion) it sounds like he's been trying to hook up with his ex (she may not be sure if she wants to) and now that you caught him before he got a definite response from her, he has no real recourse in trying to save face but to deny it. Just talking to his ex isn't cheating, but it sounds like he's walking the line and could find himself following through and actually cheating on you. I wouldn't want to be with someone that I don't feel I could trust, especially when they deny it when they're caught red-handed trying to do something they shouldn't be. I'd toss them aside and find someone worth the time.

He is cheating and if he is not, then it's going to happened!
It always starts like this and they end up sleeping with that so called friend!
You have it on paper! He said it you guys have nothing in common and doesn't like to spend time with you! I mean helloooooooo! Wake up!
Love is blind but you need to respect yoursefl!

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Originally Posted by Tdiggs

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 and a half years now, he's 8 years younger than I am, but this has never been a problem or even an issue. A few months ago, I found some messages between my boyfriend and an "old friend" of his... female of course. In this message, he proceeded to tell her that we (he and I) don't have much in common and that he doesn't really like hanging out with me. He then proceeded to ask her if she wanted to hang out sometime, even asking her to go out to his mom's new house with him on the weekend (which I hadn't even been to yet). I confronted him, he denied everything. He says that they're just friends and that they haven't hung out in a long time and that he just wanted to hang out with her again. I know that he still talks to her behind my back and tries to hide it from me. I don't think he's actually met up with her as of yet, but what the hell am I supposed to think about this? He swears that he'd never cheat on me, and I believe him, but what the hell is this?? How am I supposed to handle this? Like I said, I know that he's still talking to her and trying to hide it from me. As far as I'm concerned, if you have to hide something, you shouldn't be doing it in the first place. I really need some advice. Please help!

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I think if he is cheating on you of if you suspect something
Then confront him. Its much beta than knowing he
Is hiding something. You sshould find the guy who you
Know you can trust. And ask yourself if YOU think you've got
Something in commmon with the guy.

Make yourself happy and make the right decision

Take my advise and email me bak

Jazz

Even if he hasn't cheated on you doesn't mean he won't first chance he gets to.
I would tell him, "You are right we don't have much in common" and leave him.
You are wasting your time on him. You are investing your time on him and then he could up and leave the second something else comes along. You are cheating yourself.
If he wants to 'just be friends' with this other girl there is no reason he can't tell her to get a date and the four of you go out. That is unless he is hoping something more comes from
Seeing her.