Thought I wanted to date but I want to get married
So I pushed my boyfriend of 3.5 years away because during the relationship I was unsure of what I wanted and "who I really am." 2 months ago he sends me packing back home (we lived in a different state than where I am from, so now I am home again). He says we need at least a year apart because he needs a fresh perspective on us. I understand his pain and his reasoning. Based on what I was saying at the time, it makes sense. Now, however, I know I loved him deeply during our entire relationship but I had hang-ups --- is this REALLY it? Am I ready to commit? Will he be able to make me happy forever? etc. I came back home and for 3 weeks it seemed like maybe it was a good idea. Now I am totally missing him, I realize I AM ready to get married and I don't want to date anyone. It isn't just break-up pains, I am sure of it. I already had some great guys take me out and I am just miserable. He doesn't want to see me or talk to me, and the fact we are 1000 miles apart just means I have that much less chance to show him how I have really come around.
Is there anything I can do? I joined yoga, I am reading books on relationships, and I joined an Anger management group recently to help me deal with my emotions. But it's like he checked out and gave up. Is there anything else I can do to show him? I want to go back and get married, but I think he thinks it is just because I am hurt and afraid to be alone, and that isn't it... I really want to get married. He had bought a house just a few months before the breakup and I was spending more time with his sister-in-law and her baby. I really was coming around to getting married but I could never say it in Denver when we were together because I had these hangups.
I have written him and I wanted to see him but he told me no. Can I do anything else? Should I wait to see what happens? I figure he might already be starting another relationship now. I love him SO MUCH and I don't think he believes me now. HELP!