My husband of 14 years has told me that he just doesn't feel the same and isn't attracted to me anymore. He says something has "clicked". He is now planning on moving out of our home to have some time by himself but still plans on making time to see our two young children as much as he can. I am fairly certain there is no one else involved in this situation. But it would be foolish of me to say I'm 100% certain. (he says their isn't)
My question is; do some men go through phases like this? Where they just aren't attracted to someone and then the attraction somehow comes back? We have been together for a long time. (20 years, total) I'm not sure if I should wait and see what is going on or if I should just cut my losses and run. I love this man but don't feel I deserve this kind of treatment from him.
As a side note, I am basically the same that I have been for the past 10 years. Aside from being an older version of myself, I haven't let myself go or haven't lost or gained a large amount of weight. This just seems to have come out of the blue that he doesn't feel the same. He says that the more he tries to feel attracted the less he likes me. Can anyone else relate to this?

Thanks!
Elcee

elcee I am sure he still loves you. He probably isn't in love with you at the moment. And oh yes there is a difference. Love is the caring, trusting feelings. In love is the sparks, butterflies, and want to rip your clothes off kind of thing. When you have been with someone for so long those feelings can come and go. I might not be you it might really be him after 20 years a person changes so does their feelings and their tastes. Don't wait for him. It is easier said than done but you have to move on and find what you are attracted to now. You are probably crying and depressed and it is going to be that way for a while but you need that. That is what is going to make you strong and realize that the man that you felt comfortable and secure with is abadoning you. And if he decides to come back you might be strong enough to realize that you don't want him back because when he made this decision he didn't take your feelings into consideration and you deserve better than that

Elcee,

Speaking as a married guy I can honestly say that I don't know the answer to your question. Personally, I have never met another lady that fascinates me more than my wife does. We have been married for 42 years now and I've never felt the desire or need to chase another lady.

However, I do know some fellows that have done catastrophic damage to their marriages because of equally lame excuses or "My wife doesn't turn me on, anymore." Statements such as that kill the partner's pride and debase themselves worth.

The one I am most familiar with is a friend of mine who was asking me if I thought he should search around and find a youger woman to please him. Let's call him Tom L from Florida was bouncing on the edge of this situation,

My suggestion to him was first look at himself and figure out why his wife wasn't sable to turn him on. Then search around and see if his wife was not every bit as nice as on their wedding day. Look at other women and see if they were really what he needed when he had the woman he chose to be his wife waiting for him at home.

I also told him that maybe the problem wasn't the wife not turning him on as much as something else wreaking havoc. I suggested Tom see a Urologist. It was a phsycisl problem with Tom, not anything to do with his wife, which was causing Tom the problem, however, Tom chose the wife to bear the blame rather than believe it could be him.

My suggestion to you, Elcee, would be to chain your husband to a chair and bang him over the head with an anvil just to get his attention. Once you have his undivided attention ask him what about you is hindering him. If he gives you the standard dodges, do not accept them. What he is saying about you is that you have changed in some way that is not exciting to him. Personally, I don't believer that baloney for even one minute.

Ask him to tell you Haw you are different now then on your wedding day, If he says he can't be specific its just a bunch of little things, then ask him "If it's just little things, why are you willing to move out and abandon your family for just little things?"

I will go just one step further than Donf. I think you need to ask your husband to go to marriage counseling with you (after you have tied him to the chair & hit him over the head). You need to point out to him that you have built a life together, you have children together, and after all these years together, he owes your marriage much more respect than he is giving it.

Unfortunately, many men and women do go through a sort of life crisis in a marriage. They realize they are getting older and see their youth slipping away from them. They panic at that, and feel that maybe they can recapture it if they step out on their own. What they fail to understand is that the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence. Living a life as a single person again is not a bed of roses and comes with it's own set of problems. A objective third party, such as a counselor, will explain all this to your husband. They will also suggest he get a health check, as Donf suggested. Your husband might be more willing to listen to a figure he deems as an authority in marriage. If your husband absolutely refuses to go with you and refuses to make some attempt at reconnecting with you, then I suggest you seek out a counselor for yourself. You need someone who has experience with this to talk to face to face, and help you from an objective viewpoint. Friends won't cut it. Here is a link to help you get started: The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory

Honey, my heart truly goes out to you and hope you are able to find a constructive solution to help you through all this. You sound like a very nice woman and you don't deserve to be treated in this dismissive manner.

I agree with the previous posts. Many people DO fail to realize that the grass is never greener on the other side.
I believe that both men and women just "get bored." If you haven't changed physically or emotionally and you are the same woman he fell in love with - there should be no reason why he can't remember those things.
I would, if he is willing to participate - go to a third party.
If he is willing, learn to communicate. I know you said that there were no real problems before he just up and decided to change his mind about you - It really sounds like boredom to me. He wants that "new" feeling all over again, and you can give it to him. :) Don't give up!
Ask yourself: Are the conversations I have with him about dinner, laundry, work choirs (just the usual?) If so, there are some great books out there to ask questions from. Start new convos. Initiate a date night (without the kids.) Initiate sex...
Hope this helps :)

He is probably going through a restless stage where he *wants to find himself* or a mid life crisis. My sister's husband and one of my friends husband left for another woman and eventually they both realized the grass wasn't greener and came back.
If he is willing ask him if the two of you can start *dating* again and put something into it to make your relationship more interesting. As the others have said he has probably gotten bored and feels your relationship is in a rut and thinks leaving will cure it for him.
I would say the best thing you can do if he isn't interested in trying to work things out with you is enjoy your time by taking a class or starting a hobby or doing volunteer work. If you meet someone good for you; if you don't you will at least be having a life you can call your own. The last thing you need to do is sit around the house moping and feeling sorry for yourself while he is out enjoying himself.