Let me start of by introducing my relationship to all of you in this category. My boyfriend and I have been together, off and on; more on then off, for the last 7 plus years. He's in general a good guy. Last year, around 10/06 his ex have found his family information online and contact him at his house, I was there when she called, and they start talking and got each other numbers. After that day they start talking everyday after he gets off from work, I know cause I pay for the phone bill, I checked. He then ask me if I want to go the where she lives now and visit her family; her husband, and two kids. I said I wouldn't want to go but then I changed my mind and went with him and another close friend of ours. We stayed for a couple of days at her house, her husband was not happy when we were there, I mean who would. During the time over there my boyfriend didn't pay much attention to me and even have the guts to ask me if I want to move and live close to her family. I said if he want to move, go right ahead, I will never move there with him. After the trip I lost my trust in him and his judgment. Before the trip I quit my job and was so depressed yet I went with him because he want to go so bad. After the trip I told him that I don't want him to ruin our relationship and the family she have already, he said I was saying non-sense, they kept talking after that but behind my back which he didn't do real well. Mid 07 she called said that she's visiting family about 6 hrs away from where we live, asked if he would like to meet with her. He said "yes" without asking me about it. Because he planned to go by himself. At that time he wasn't working. I told him if he want to go he can but after that I would leave him, I don't want to be with a person who doesn't care of my well being. He didn't go after all. Our relationship since then was really good until recently she called again and since then he wasn't paying attention to when I have to say and keep day dreaming, I was there when he was day dreaming about something. I really don't know what to do but I don't want to be in a relationship where I cannot trust him. BTW his parent are dead, brothers and sister lives far away. The fact that I haven't break up with him is he doesn't have anyone close to him. I care but that's pretty much how I feel about him. Can anyone give me some idea on how to approached the situation. Thank you much.:confused:

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Originally Posted by BabieBooBoo

Let me start of by introducing my relationship to all of you in this category. My bf and I have been together, off and on; more on then off, for the last 7 plus years. He's in general a good guy. Last year, around 10/06 his ex have found his family information online and contact him at his house, i was there when she called, and they start talking and got each other numbers. After that day they start talking everyday after he gets off from work, i know cause i pay for the phone bill, i checked. He then ask me if i want to go the where she lives now and visit her family; her husband, and two kids. I said i wouldn't want to go but then i changed my mind and went with him and another close friend of ours. We stayed for a couple of days at her house, her husband was not happy when we were there, i mean who would. during the time over there my bf didn't pay much attention to me and even have the guts to ask me if i want to move and live close to her family. I said if he want to move, go right ahead, i will never move there with him. after the trip i lost my trust in him and his judgment. Before the trip i quit my job and was so depressed yet i went with him because he want to go so bad. After the trip i told him that i don't want him to ruin our relationship and the family she have already, he said i was saying non-sense, they kept talking after that but behind my back which he didn't do real well. Mid 07 she called said that she's visiting family about 6 hrs away from where we live, asked if he would like to meet with her. He said "yes" without asking me about it. because he planned to go by himself. At that time he wasn't working. i told him if he want to go he can but after that i would leave him, i don't want to be with a person who doesn't care of my well being. He didn't go after all. Our relationship since then was really good until recently she called again and since then he wasn't paying attention to when i have to say and keep day dreaming, i was there when he was day dreaming about something. I really don't know what to do but i don't want to be in a relationship where i cannot trust him. BTW his parent are dead, brothers and sister lives far away. The fact that i haven't break up with him is he doesn't have anyone close to him. I care but that's pretty much how i feel about him. Can anyone give me some idea on how to approached the situation. Thank you much.:confused:

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Yeah, that sounds confused... but you have some red flags there in your relationship. I mean, everybody can look at them. It seems to me that, the guy feels unsure and confused of what he is doing. He just obeys you, but after all, its not what he likes. He even may see you as a big wall between him and her, if you try to stop him. You have to ask him about that relation she had with him. Who ended it. If she did, than there is the possibility that the guy had a lot of hurt because of her, and if they keep talking, he can be easily influenced even by the way she talks with him. Every word she says, may be taken as an "invitiation" for him. And one day, sooner or later, that depends from the communication they have, those feelings of him will come back again. And believe me, he won't care about you and your feelings at all. Its not his fault, if he still feels something for this girl, or those feelings came around again. You get my point? Otherwise, if it was him who broke up with her, that is much easy, because usually the breaker doesn't have feelings once they are gone. Well, they may still come, but its much harder. Now the point is, I don't say you should not trust him, but I say talk to him, and ask him who did the break. If he did, take things slowly, and let him know how this is influencing your opinion about him and the relation at all. Otherwise, I say get out of that relation as soon as possible. Believe me, you can't change his feelings if he still has some about her, by telling him how you feel. He will see you as a controlling type, and in the end, you will be the bad person by trying to save the relation, and he will be the good one.

I have to ask, why do you keep breaking on and off with him? It sends a message to both parties that whatever reason you choose to break up for in the first place or any other times after is not serious enough to the person who broke it off each time.

He is emotionally cheating on you and you are letting him get away with it. You know better. When you say you're confused, usually you know something is wrong but you don't know what exactly and you feel like you need to be validated.

He is selfish, but you know that, who else would risk a relationship by keeping in contact with someone you're supposed to have moved on from, visiting them much less the nerve to visit husband and kids too, and wanting to move close to her? Omg please joke you are unsure what to do at this point!

Here's what I'm assuming your boyfriend keeps in mind. I can live off my girlfriend, she pays the phone bill what else can I get her to take care of? At one point, I didn't work, I'm sure she took care of me then since I don't have my family to rely on.

As for you, I can't believe you used the excuse: I haven't broken up with him because he doesn't have anyone close to him. He was screwed up before you two met and he's screwed up when you leave him, if he wasn't screwed up his ex wouldn't have married someone else and had kids, hence moving on. Most of the time, females put too much effort into salvaging a relationship.

You need to break off right now, it's an unhealthy relationship on so many levels, and better guys than him are out there. Guys who pull their own financial weight in a relationship and are focused on you, not the previous girl.

By the way, your bf's ex is not haunting YOU, YOUR BF is haunting HIS EX! Stop making excuses for the sorry bastard.

It's a year later, what happened?

Dump him, if he cared about your feelings he would not do this, I would dump him, he is clearly still in love or lust for her.

He seems to like someone forbidden and putting you off? That is definitely a red flag to consider a break up, just do it. He is a grown man, he will find a way to feed and clothes himself but only if he HAS too, so make him grow up and teach him a lesson that he should have valued you whenever you were willing to work with him at whatever it was. It is time to move on.

He is not a child, he is grown man messing around with another man's wife.
Leave him. He has no respect for you.