I have finally realized that my past has made me VERY needy of my husband for emotional stability. When he is not home, I then need approval and affection from my male friend. What can I do to not be so needy?

Can you join places that offer hobbies or things that interest you.
Try taking a class at the Y or community college that interests you.
Do charity work or volunteer your time to an old folks home, maybe try applying for a job somewhere that you could use your talents. The more you assert yourself and do things where you can develop interests the more independent you will feel.