Ask Me Help Desk - Are muslims discriminating?

I`m a woman that has a serious relationship with a muslim man(born in the UK), and we have had some discussions due to cultural differences.

I`m more spiritual than religious, but yet we seem to have the same view on life, so it`s not that big of a deal for us. If you think about it, the word muslim is just a label, isn`t it more important that you actually PRACTICE what you believe in than to claim you`re a muslim? Sometimes I feel like I`m more of a muslim than my man cause I don`t drink alcohol, I don`t smoke, I don`t eat pork(simply cause I don`t like it), I try my best not to lie, etc. Not to talk bad about my man or anything, but he does all of the above except eating pork and then in occasions he tells me that "You`re so lost" and "You`re ignorant" and should convert. -Oh please give me a break, I know what I believe in and it gives me enough guidance to live a meaningful life.

Why does some muslims almost push you into converting? Shouldn`t you live your life yourself, believe in what works out for you? And can you be so sure that Islam is the ONLY way to live your life by? Every other religion also believes that "THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO GO, OR ELSE YOU`RE GOING TO HELL(that in some religions)". The Qvoran was after all man-made... Or he got information from God, I know that but that`s a whole other topic.

Back to my issue; His close friends and family disagree with us being together since I`m not Asian. I treat him good, we make each other happy and we are in love, and if this isn`t racism, then what is it... So if Islam is a religion that is SUPPOSED to represent peace and love, then why is his family judging me without even have met me? When MY family always asks how he is and how things are between us, my mum has even invited him to her home for christmas, but his family tells him; "I don`t wana hear about your girlfriend again!" So if this isn`t racism, what is it.. I have a multi-cultural background and have south-american in me, but they(his family and friends)still calls me a "white girl", when my skin has the same colour of most of them. I think it`s very petty and on a low level to judge someone like that.

I feel discriminated, I got the impression that his family and friends thinks I`m less worth because I`m not muslim and I`m not happy at all about it, soon I`m going to do something and speak up about this issue. Me and my man we are so alike and are best friends, so what`s up with all the hatred?

If I`ve insulted any muslims here, then please make me understand why muslims or Asians are so discriminating?

Muslims, non-muslims, women, men! Help me out here, make me understand this madness before I start having something against muslims!

I am a practising muslim.

Your man is not truly being a muslim, if he is drinking alcohol and sleeping with you, which are both considered forbidden in Islam.
He should marry you and become a better muslim,a better husband by treating you right and fair.That is just opinion.

If you are not drinking alcohol or eating pork out of your own choice,that is good and I must say there are some non-muslim who do follow such things better than some muslims who are muslims in name alone (the Almighty knows best what is in their hearts,for I cannot judge them).

I agree with you that discriminations exist and believe me that says more about the background the people are from than their religion being Islam.

Indian muslims may not like their daughter or sons to marry a Pakistan muslim.That is just that they are biased against each other whether regarding marriages or sports etc.

Some African muslims may not like their own to marry another muslim from another tribe of the same country.
It is sad really,because in the eyes of the Almighty it is not the colour or race of the people that matter but their piety,God-consciousness,purity of intention to please the Almighty and following the pillars and recommended practices in Islam that really matters.

Some Middle Easterns may not like their own to marry a European practicing muslim.

It is recommended practice in Islam to find a spouse who practises Islam, as this strengthens ones faith and provides a strong united household for the children (if any) to grow up in.

My advise to you would be, research into Islam and tell your man that what he is doing is wrong according to Islam.That should shock him into realising that he is not practising what he preaches.
About his family, do not mind much about them for the time being,first find a way for the man in your life to accept his faults and correct his ways instead of criticising you.

And another thing-
Islam is not supposed to represent peace and love.Islam is the submission to one Almighty God/Allah. By submitting and following the guidelines set by Allah we are muslims.:)
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Here is a start for you
http://www.iiu.edu.my/deed/quran/nobelquran/indexe.html

Difference in race and colour among humans is not for discrimination.Tell him these are signs from the Almighty and your man should not be discriminating nor should his family.
Quran 30:22.
"And among His Signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colours. Verily, in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge."

Quran 2:177.
"It is not Al-Birr (piety, righteousness, and every act of obedience to Allâh, etc.) that you turn your faces towards east and (or) west (in prayers); but Al-Birr is (the quality of) the one who believes in Allâh, the Last Day, the Angels, the Book, the Prophets[] and gives his wealth, in spite of love for it, to the kinsfolk, to the orphans, and to Al-Masâkin (the poor), and to the wayfarer, and to those who ask, and to set slaves free, performs As-Salât (Iqâmat-as-Salât), and gives the Zakât, and who fulfill their covenant when they make it, and who are As-Sâbirin (the patient ones, etc.) in extreme poverty and ailment (disease) and at the time of fighting (during the battles). Such are the people of the truth and they are AlMuttaqûn (pious - see V.2:2).

Do ask anything else that you might like to clarify in order to help him to mend his ways.
I would be happy to answer or help find answers to your queries.

Well you're discriminating too. Between the lines, you're making the assumption that all Muslims are sort of the same. So then why are you bothered if the family discriminates against you? You should have made your post even more case-specific and not one that has a title that puts all muslims in the same pot.

And yes, I agree that it's all the same. You made a slight point that it's more action, and not what you call yourself. In the end, it's ideology that proves what you are, and NOT just dressing up in a cross or a hejab.

Duckling, Firmbeliever was trying to help you exactly in the way that you asked for help. It would be nice if you didn't take out your frustrations on her and showed her a bit more respect for at least attempting to help you out here. She was not being discriminating in her response. She gave you excellent insight into what is going through the heads of your man's family. She is telling you why they are saying the things they are saying. Unlike your man, his family just doesn't accept going outside their religion to find a mate. And, she explained why. She is not stating that all Muslims are the same. I am not sure where you are seeing that. She is stating that a TRUE Muslim, follows the law of the Quoran (sp?) Those rules are very specific. As they are in most religions and cultures. Your man is not following the rules. So, the question you just asked in this follow up post is really for you to answer "why are you bothered if the family discriminates against you?"

Yes, you are being discriminated against by his family. It isn't racial as much as it is religious & cultural. They are trying to find any way, come up with any excuse they can to break the two of you up. His family hasn't met you. They don't want to meet you. You aren't a Muslim, you don't have the same background, so they don't accept you. Is it right? Is it fair? To you and me, no it isn't. But, it is how things stand with them.

You need to ask yourself if you can live with this because if you both decide to marry, their position will not change. They are the way they are. Nothing you say or do will change their minds. You may be the nicest, sweetest, and most courteous person in the world. It won't change the way they feel about you. You are not Muslim and they will never accept you into their family. We cannot change the things we have no control over. AND, you do not have any control over his family. This situation is unfortunately, what this situation is. And you need to accept that fact.

I had a very similar experience to what you are going through now when I was a young woman. It is waaayyyy too long to post specifics here but I was involved with someone of a different faith and background from me. I did meet his family. I was respectful and bent over backwards for them. It didn't matter. I was an "outsider" and they made it painfully clear that I would never be accepted into their family unless I was willing to completely embrace their faith and lifestyle AND even if I did, I still had a mark against me as far as they were concerned because I wasn't born into it all. Like you, I couldn't change my personal beliefs. So, I finally realized that it just wasn't going to work in the long run due to what I have told you above. I realized if I married the man, I would be miserable. I think that many people make the mistake of entering into a marriage thinking either they can change themselves to please their spouse, or they think they can change their spouse. It doesn't work. We all are the way we are. We can't change our basic nature, belief systems, and culture, and we can't expect that from someone else.

Quote:

Originally Posted by RubyPitbull

Duckling, Firmbeliever was trying to help you exactly in the way that you asked for help. It would be nice if you didn't take out your frustrations on her and showed her a bit more respect for at least attempting to help you out here.

I think you need to re-read this page, and then post an answer. How was Firmbeliever trying to help me if he posted before me?? I think you need to get your posts in order, or maybe your names. Then your premises might make more sense? And I never asked Firmbeliever to answer my question. READ MY POST. Is his name there? And he hasn't even posted after me...

But I do see that I should have provided better advice. Is that one point you were trying to communicate? Or is this all directed at Firmbeliever? Because how you started your post makes no sense.

Besides saying that it's "all the same" in my initial response, I have made an observation. I've noticed that many of my friends who's parents have older cultures and are more traditional, their parents seem to not like the girl or the man until after the wedding. Have you seen "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"? It's like there's a front, until after the marriage. This obviously does not apply to every case, as every situation and family is different.

I think you should also have a deep and critical talk with your man. He needs to live in a religious reality rather than the religious dream him and his family are in. Because, as you expressed, you're bascially Muslim. I mean, you're basically Jewish or Christian or Pagan, or any religion, since the primary requirement is to "be a good person". If the parents are hating on you, then the jokes on them.

As for not being Asian... It's so sad that there are still racist people in the year 2007. Work on having a healthy relationship with your man. If words are not working with his family and friends, let actions prove something to them. I don't think parents will entirely "not notice" when there is a healthy relationship between their child and their child's partner. You need your partner to meet you halfway though.

And this is very odd, about them carring that you are asian. Muslims don't divide their Church's between blacks and whites. There was never a phenomena where their holy houses were divided by race. So it baffles the mind that they would call themselves Muslim and be angry that you're not asian... You are right; you're much more Muslim than they are.

Apologies Duckling. It was my last post of the day and I was tired. I did think you were the OP and I thought "Wow, how rude to come back at FB like that!" Apologies again. I am not going to edit the post as others do here because then this thread really won't make sense. I screwed up and have to live with my actions/response.

Interesting point about parents changing their attitude after the marriage. In my observation with American women who marry men from the "old" country or men from a very traditional background and a different religion, the man's family have never accepted the "interloper" after the marriage. The marriage just deteriorates. AND, they stay married and miserable! Divorce is very much frowned upon in most countries that are outside of Western culture and these parents have instilled that value in their child. It is definitely one of those situations where hindsight is 20/20. I am very thankful that I had enough common sense at that point in my life not to walk into that kind of fate.

Quote:

Originally Posted by RubyPitbull

Apologies Duckling. It was my last post of the day and I was tired. I did think you were the OP and I thought "Wow, how rude to come back at FB like that!" Apologies again. I am not going to edit the post as others do here because then this thread really won't make sense. I screwed up and have to live with my actions/response.

It's okay. I've done that a few times. Something good came out of it though, where it made me provide better advice, because your post showed that I was lacking that in my response.

Thanks you guys, for giving me some insight in this..

Would like to just write down some of the thoughts that are going through my mind now...

Maybe I sounded a bit discriminating in my first post, but I am just frustrated because I would like to get along with my man`s family when I live with him. Frustrated because his family indirectly says that "I`m not good enough for him" because of my culture and beliefs, when in "my world", I`m more than good enough for him.

The cultural differences are an obstacle for us. I`ve had a chat to him about him not really being a practising muslim, and now he`s trying to become a better muslim... For example, he has quit drinking alcohol and he says that we should stop having sex until we get married.. (... ) Well, I don`t know if I should laugh or cry... I can go without sex, it`s not that big of a deal, but I don`t think it`s a good idea to suppress the sexual desire we have for one another -we might not get it back? We do love each other, and I don`t think that there`s anything wrong with having sex with the one you love. Just a thought.

He still tried to persuade me about converting, but then I say to him: "How can you have respect for me after I change my identity, beliefs and culture for you? I am not a weak, suppressed woman who you can mold into your perfect muslim wife. I know who I am, I know what I want. Take me as I am!" He says that he will maybe lose his family for this, but that`s a battle that he needs to fight himself. It`s not right to make me convert so that he can avoid confrontation with his family.

I`m born and raised in a country where it`s very equal between men and women, and my mom usually say to me: "Us women have fought for our rights for hundreds of years and now we finally have equal rights, don`t let any man come into your life and change that"

I do think that some aspects in Islam can seem suppressing towards women, and I don`t like the fact that it`s OK to have 4 wives! And that a virgin is worth more than a non-virgin... Muslim women don`t say that about the man they want to marry! Or wait, they don`t even have A CHOICE somethimes in who they want to marry and they can`t say anything if they have to be "wife number 3"... I`m tired of seeing women being held down by men, quite frankly. And I feel like Islam isn`t helping much to empower women. I know that Islam has it`s good sides too, but excuse me for speaking my mind, it is a bit old fashioned when it comes to women and we don`t progress if we live by these old rules; it is after all 2007. The world changes constantly, and it`s healthy to change or else we get stuck and stagnate. It`s really up to each woman individually, do they want to continue to give their power away to men?

This has become more of a feminist-speech than talking about discrimination, but it all kind of connects together..

I will not change my identity for a man, even if it ends with us splitting up. I am who I am and I don`t believe it`s right. How about asking him to give up his religion for my beliefs? Don`t think that would happen.

It`s true what you said, I can`t change his family. They just have to think what they want about me, and I can be happy that me and my family don`t have as many issues as them.

Maybe I could think about converting(not for a man, but for myself) if "I saw the light" in Islam. If it was a religion that wasn`t about a lot of boundaries and fear. My man is trying to teach me Islam sometimes, and I disagree with some of it. He can keep trying to convert me until his face gets blue, I am still not convinced..

I`m sure this will make a debate with muslim men (and women). I`m up for it.

I would like to know why it`s written in the Qvoran that when a man comes to paradise, there will be 7 virgins waiting for him? What about women, why is it not written that they will have 7 virgin men waiting for them too? Because women has got nothing to say, they can`t enjoy sex, they are just trapped in the kitchen to cook and to pop out babies for the husband?

Why is a female worth so much less if she has lost her virginity? Is it all that matters to you? A muslim man will choose to marry a virgin over a non-virgin. Why can`t you choose the one you have the best connection with, wouldn`t that make more sense?

Do you muslim men think that a man is worth more than a woman?

I`ve heard that men don`t believe in love, they just get married for practical reasons and because of honour. That`s really sad.

Why does muslim men in general CHEAT and PYSICALLY ABUSE their woman/wife more than other men from different cultures and religions? (Hey, I`m just looking at the statistics here.. ) Wouldn`t that mean that in general you have less respect for women?

Why do you suppress your women, and then you say that you don`t? Haven`t you heard the saying, actions speak louder than words?

Truly a divine valley where one's free-will fails to make an appearance as the clock quietly ticks away.
These "sissy-men" wash their hands with the tears of their women because they are blind to a world which stands beyond their ignorance.
These "pretend-to-be-men" are like children who were told they have purpose and to so prove this they set out to play a child's game in a world where their sisters, daughters and mothers have become adults and shoulder their responsibilities.
These "want-to-be men" do not know that in fact death did find them and they now live in heaven (Earth) and there are wonderful women available to them but they failed one simple test which cast them into the hellish place they reside in; a place called Creepsville. The test they failed? OK, it's the one about treating others the way you want to be treated. Keep it up guys and be sure to wash your hands with warm soapy water; it's the least you can do for everyone else. Thanks

WLgWi,

I would like to think that if this man loves you, he will want you to see that Islam is the right religion as he would I am sure want you to have the best in the afterlife too.

About blaming Islam for the problems you have in your relationship, I think is a bit unfair.As I said before Islam itself is not hindering you from marrying this man,but it is the mindset of the man's family in thinking that someone from one particular country is better than another.

If you would only learn Islam from the right sources and not be biased about it in the way the media portrays us,maybe it will help you understand your man better

And I also think that converting someone is not in our hands, when the time is right and you see the light then there will be no turning back.

I am a muslim and I believe it is the One true religion.
And NO! I am not going to debate with you here to convince you it is the right religion.I know it is and I follow it to the best I can and what others say does not really matter because in the end you or others cannot reach out or help me after my death.

Women in Islam
As a woman myself, and being a muslim I would say that the religion of Islam does not discriminate against women.
(EDIT)Or feel suppressed or oppressed!

Islam recognizes women as individuals with specific rights. Among these are:
the right to life-"O humankind! Be conscious of your Lord Who created you from a single soul, and out of it created its mate, and out of the two spread countless men and women. Be conscious of your Lord through Whom you demand your mutual rights and honor the wombs; God always watches over you." (Qur'an 4:1)
the right to learn-which is enjoined on all human beings equally.
the right to earn-the work should not require the woman to violate Islamic law (eg. Serving alcohol), and be mindful of the woman's safety. If the work requires the woman to leave her home, she must maintain her modesty. Her work should not affect more important commitments, such as those towards her family.
own and dispose property-
the right to choose a husband-consent of the woman is required for any marriage to take place.
the right, as a wife to her pre-marriage standard of living;A muslima does not have to give up her property or take the name of her husband after marriage.
the right to be treated equally;
and the right to inherit. –women inherit less than that of men because men have financial obligations in regard to his family and the people under his care, which a women is exempt from.
Women, like men, are rewarded by God for a righteously led life.

with reference Women and their status in Islam
In Islam the female sex deserves the same position, the same respect and the same diginity as the members of the male sex who, in their turn, are not allowed to degrade and insult them and make them their tools. To touch them with a bad intent is considered a sin and even to glance at them with a bad motives is counted as adultery in Islam.
"Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that will make for greater purity for them." [Qur'an 24:30]
The ladies too have been commanded in similar terms:
“And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and their ornaments except what (must ordinarly) appear thereof, that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands' fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers or their brothers' sons, or their sisters' sons, or their women, or those whom their right hands possess, or the male servants not having need (of women), or small children who have not attained knowledge of what is hidden of women; and let them not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden embellishment." [Qur'an 24:31]
Muslim women dress in a way that is modest and dignified. The purpose of clothing is not only to protect ourselves from physical elements, but also to protect oneself from immorality and pride.
Some traditions of dress, and more generally, the treatment of women in some Muslim countries and societies, are often a reflection of culture. This is very often inconsistent and even contrary to Islam teachings. Prophet Muhammad(pbuh) said: "The most perfect in faith among you believers is he who is best in manner and kindest to his wife."

About man being allowed four wives-
“And if you fear that you will not deal fairly towards the orphans, marry of the women who seem good to you, two or three or four, and if you fear that you cannot do justice between them , then (marry) only one." [Qur'an 4:3]

Doing justice is a requirement, financially and emotionally, which I am sure everyone knows is quite hard thing to do. Hence the man will be answerable on the day of judgement if he does an injustice between the wives in anyway.
On a personal note I would like to say that as a woman myself I would rather my husband married another woman and provided her as a wife than have him keep a mistress.
And this having more than one wife is permitted for many reasons.
One of them I believe is that many times there have been cases of women not recovering after childbirth or having a terminal illness.I am sure as a mother, a woman will want to have the children to be taken care of by someone who will look after them as a mother and I have seen women themselves looking for second wives and finding them so that the husband and children will not have such a hard time after she is gone.

About mothers
“Your Lord has commanded that you shall worship none but Him and goodness to your parents. If either or both of them reach old age in your life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour. And make yourself submissively gentle to them with compassion and say: O my Lord bestow on them compassion even as they cherished me in my childhood".[Qur'an 17 23-24]
It is reported that when the Prophet(pbuh) was questioned by a disciple as to who after the Almighty and His Prophet(pbuh)should be revered most, the Prophet said "Your mother." When questioned "Who, after the mother?" The Prophet said "Your mother." He was again asked "And, then, who after the mother? " He again replied: "Your mother". The man put the question for the fourth time and the Prophet(pbuh) then answered: "Your father." This Tradition shows that the position of the mother in the eyes of her sons and daughters should be three times higher than that of the father.

"Never will I waste the work of a worker among you, whether male or female. You are members, one of another."[Qur'an 3:195]

Paradise/Heaven/Jannah

The Reward of Women in Paradise - IslamonLine.net - Ask The Scholar

All Believers, males and females, will enter the Jannah. Allah says, ( Gardens of perpetual bliss: they shall enter there, as well as the righteous among their fathers, their spouses, and their offspring) (ar-Ra`d 13: 23)

Further, Allah says, (Indeed, the people of Paradise will be happily occupied. They and their wives shall be in shades, reclining on raised couches. There are for them fruits and there is for them all that they ask for…) (Ya-Sin 36: 55-57)

In the Hereafter Allah will say to the Believers, (Enter the Garden, you and your wives, you will be made glad. There will be brought round for them trays of gold and goblets, and therein is all that the souls desire and eyes find sweet and you will stay there forever. This is the garden, which you are made to inherit because of what you used to do. Therein for you is fruit in plenty whence to eat. ) (Az-Zukhruf 43: 70-73)

There are many other places in the Qur'an where it is mentioned that men and women both will find their reward and none will be deprived. [See: Aal `Imran 3: 195; An-Nisa', 4: 124; An-Nahl 16: 97; Al-Ahzab 33: 35; Ghafir 40: 40]

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Multiple Wives in Paradise: What Is for Women? - IslamonLine.net - Ask The Scholar

….that rewarding a mujahid with many wives doesn't mean betraying the female mujahid.

It simply means there is a such reward for those mujahids who are looking for it. In other words, there is no compulsion upon all mujahids to accept or reject this reward. It is exactly the same thing as the polygamy in this life.

It is meant for those who want it, not for every single mujahid. Yet every Muslim man and woman who is allowed to enter Heaven is given the opportunity to get whatever he or she wants as clearly stated in the Qur'an and many Hadiths of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). This means that those women who don't want their husbands to have more could be granted this wish and desire. At the same time if the husbands of those women want to have more than them Allah is great and can satisfy each of them in the way He, the Almighty, wants.

Therefore, a woman should not be frustrated for a privilege of polygamy offered to men. This is not, for sure, at the expense of woman. Heaven is meant for both men and women, both of them are equally entitled to get what they wish for.
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The Status of Woman in Islam - IslamonLine.net - Ask The Scholar
This link explains in detail on women in Islam.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Whats_Love_Gottodo_withit

Why is a female worth so much less if she has lost her virginity? Is it all that matters to you? A muslim man will choose to marry a virgin over a non-virgin. Why can`t you choose the one you have the best connection with, wouldn`t that make more sense?

Do you muslim men think that a man is worth more than a woman?

I`ve heard that men don`t believe in love, they just get married for practical reasons and because of honour. That`s really sad.

Virgins are not more valued than non virgins,but yes chaste,righteous women are to be chosen when looking for a wife.

As we muslims do believe in an afterlife and a Heaven and Hell, our wish is to submit and please the Almighty.And this includes the children we may/may not have.
By choosing righteous women/men, we are laying the groundwork for a solid foundation to build our families on, provide a stable family,with parents following the same values for the children to see as an example.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Whats_Love_Gottodo_withit

Why does muslim men in general CHEAT and PYSICALLY ABUSE their woman/wife more than other men from different cultures and religions? (Hey, I`m just looking at the statistics here..) Wouldn`t that mean that in general you have less respect for women?

Why do you suppress your women, and then you say that you don`t? Haven`t you heard the saying, actions speak louder than words?

I must say that I am sad to see that you have a very biased view of muslim men and women.
Muslim men in general do not cheat or physically abuse (do provide the statistics that you speak of please).

If and when they practice Islam as it should be, they are the most honourable of human beings you will ever meet.
A good muslim man will not misuse/abuse/discriminate their wives or daughter or mothers from the others.
In fact mothers and wives are to be valued and respected as they are the ones building society laying the groundwork for their sons and daughters to go out into the world as good muslims.

I too would like to know the source of the statistics, as well as the actual statistics that were alluded to in the original post.

Actually, the thing about more than one wives is sort of like a riddle. I think the Bible, or the Koran or those holy books, are always full of strange contradictions.

God says a man can have more than one wife, yet he also says he has not created a man who can treat wives equally. Therefore, I think it points to God saying that you cannot have more than one wife. That's why almost all Muslim men only have one wife (they believe you can only have one). Only a very tiny minority believes you can have more than one wife.

Yet, there seems to have been acceptions in CERTAIN SITUATIONS. For example, in looking at the prophet, Abraham (in the Torah, Bible, and Koran), didn't he sleep with another woman, besides his wife? He slept with her because his wife could not have children. So, this situation, according to the holy books, is all right. Now, during Mohammad's time, he also was with more than one woman because there was a "situation" where there was a shortage of men (like 1 man for every 8 women or something).

I find it interesting that when God allowed men to be with more than one woman, in terms of the examples I provided from the Torah, the Bible and the Koran, it was all for some sort of scientific reason? Like, not being able to have children, or a freak ration of men to women, and so forth. Or maybe this was allowed because men wrote the holy books and God didn't? I don't know?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Whats_Love_Gottodo_withit

I would like to know why it`s written in the Qvoran that when a man comes to paradise, there will be 7 virgins waiting for him? What about women, why is it not written that they will have 7 virgin men waiting for them too? Because women has got nothing to say, they can`t enjoy sex, they are just trapped in the kitchen to cook and to pop out babies for the husband?

Why is a female worth so much less if she has lost her virginity? Is it all that matters to you? A muslim man will choose to marry a virgin over a non-virgin. Why can`t you choose the one you have the best connection with, wouldn`t that make more sense?

Do you muslim men think that a man is worth more than a woman?

I`ve heard that men don`t believe in love, they just get married for practical reasons and because of honour. That`s really sad.

Why does muslim men in general CHEAT and PYSICALLY ABUSE their woman/wife more than other men from different cultures and religions? (Hey, I`m just looking at the statistics here..) Wouldn`t that mean that in general you have less respect for women?

Why do you suppress your women, and then you say that you don`t? Haven`t you heard the saying, actions speak louder than words?

I find it interesting that you mention all that, yet you don't mention that Islam is the only religion that allows a woman to have a divorce . That's huge. Also, in Islam, women are allowed to have abortions (like in certain situations when a child, for example, has been raped). That's huge, when in the most democratic of nations, they consider to not give women this choice.

Also, Islam is the only religion where the main prophet, Mohamad, worked for his WIFE. That's right: she gave him his income. So how come you're saying women are stuck in the house to only pop out babies and cook? How come you did not mention that the Islamic prophet, Mohamad, was an employee to his wife?

Also, I think what I suspected of your seemingly diplomatic post, has come out. The question you posted will keep the post up... even if the content you are now writing is very prejudice. The way you frame your questions "now" only serves propaganda.

How come you didn't mention that there are more women going to University in Iran than in America and Canada? How come you didn't mention that there are more female doctors in Iran than America? Funny, that doesn't sound like a woman that is staying at home and cooking all day.

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Originally Posted by Whats_Love_Gottodo_withit

I`m a woman that has a serious relationship with a muslim man(born in the UK), and we have had some discussions due to cultural differences.

I`m more spiritual than religious, but yet we seem to have the same view on life, so it`s not that big of a deal for us. If you think about it, the word muslim is just a label, isn`t it more important that you actually PRACTICE what you believe in than to claim you`re a muslim? Sometimes I feel like I`m more of a muslim than my man cause I don`t drink alcohol, I don`t smoke, I don`t eat pork(simply cause i don`t like it), I try my best not to lie, etc. Not to talk bad about my man or anything, but he does all of the above except eating pork and then in occasions he tells me that "You`re so lost" and "You`re ignorant" and should convert. -Oh please give me a break, I know what I believe in and it gives me enough guidance to live a meaningful life.

Why does some muslims almost push you into converting? Shouldn`t you live your life yourself, believe in what works out for you? And can you be so sure that Islam is the ONLY way to live your life by? Every other religion also believes that "THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO GO, OR ELSE YOU`RE GOING TO HELL(that in some religions)". The Qvoran was after all man-made...Or he got information from God, I know that but that`s a whole other topic.

Back to my issue; His close friends and family disagree with us being together since I`m not Asian. I treat him good, we make each other happy and we are in love, and if this isn`t racism, then what is it.... So if Islam is a religion that is SUPPOSED to represent peace and love, then why is his family judging me without even have met me? When MY family always asks how he is and how things are between us, my mum has even invited him to her home for christmas, but his family tells him; "I don`t wana hear about your girlfriend again!" So if this isn`t racism, what is it...? I have a multi-cultural background and have south-american in me, but they(his family and friends)still calls me a "white girl", when my skin has the same colour of most of them. I think it`s very petty and on a low level to judge someone like that.

I feel discriminated, I got the impression that his family and friends thinks I`m less worth because I`m not muslim and I`m not happy at all about it, soon I`m going to do something and speak up about this issue. Me and my man we are so alike and are best friends, so what`s up with all the hatred?

If I`ve insulted any muslims here, then please make me understand why muslims or Asians are so discriminating?

Muslims, non-muslims, women, men! Help me out here, make me understand this madness before I start having something against muslims!

Hello,
Firstly I think its important to differentiate between religion and culture, culturally speaking (British) Asian muslims are like this: they generally do not marry outside of their race, now this has nothing to do with the teachings of Islam this is their culture.I have many Asian friends with whom I have debated not being able to marry outside of their race, they felt that it was just the way it is and felt that somewhere down the line things would change (perhaps with their children). What gripes me about this is that these fathers would rather marry their daughters off to a man of their own race(who wasn't practising) instead of(per say) a white convert who was a practising muslim.

Your man trying to (or anyone) push or force you to convert is not on really and not in keeping with Islamic beliefs or practices. You convert after you have researched and after your heart feels that it is the right choice... if you are forced then you can't possibly be a true believer.He is clearly (from what you've told us) not the best role model, he couldn't expect you to convert as he hasn't shown you (and led by example) what it is to be a muslim.

Lastly yes you should "live your life yourself, believe in what works out for you", you can't live your life for anyone else! Ultimately you make your own choices in life, you weigh everything up and act on what you think is best. God has given us this choice because we are responsible for our own actions and will either reap the rewards or be punished for our choices.So choose wisely (",)
Good luck

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Originally Posted by Whats_Love_Gottodo_withit

I would like to know why it`s written in the Qvoran that when a man comes to paradise, there will be 7 virgins waiting for him?

Would you please tell me where exactly in Quran did you find that ? I would like to take a look at it. I think I know what is going wrong here. There are some metaphorical things in Quran. The metaphors are from arabic literature/language/culture.

For example, In on surah, you'll see a story about Prophet Abraham and His son Prophet Ismail. In that story Prophet Abraham tells his son to take good care of the threshold of his house. Why ? What's wrong with the threshold ?

It was actually a metaphor. In arabic culture 'threshold of the house' means your wife. Muslims (and non muslims) from other nations usually fails to understand this and start pulling their hair to figure out the meaning.