It may be long but please read!
Well I have just broken up with someone, it was a 6 days ago (the same guy I posted a question about sometime before, now after coming back to me, it is official, we broke up) tomorrow is our 1 week anniversary, lol. So what I’m trying to say is I have no idea how to move on. It is hard, and I know that with time it will get better, but now I can’t stand the on going pain. I go to school with him, and he is in my classes and I can’t help but noticing the way he doesn’t sit next to me anymore and is far away from me in every possible way. I got used to having him always around. My story actually has a twist, he was the one who hurt me in every possible way, and now he’s acting like he was the one who got hurt. He is changing seats and sitting far from me. It makes me so confused because he changed SO much in so little time! We were laughing and having fun then he did the worse thing possible, when I got sad and hurt he didn’t come to apologize, instead he turned everything against me and he isn’t talking to me and he won’t even explain why he is angry. I didn’t go to talk to him, it’s been 6 days and none of us has said a word to the other. It is so confusing. I told a friend from outside of school and my mom, they both agreed he was mistaken and he is only acting this way so I’d go back to him. I didn't do anything wrong to him, I didn't even yell at him when he did it, I just stood up and walked away, I didn't do anything wrong, how come he's mad with me?!

Did he actually never really like me? There was a time I believed he was only using me to get to my friend, then he left her and came back to me and I thought he was just trying to make me jealous. Things were okay until last Tuesday. I don’t know how to get over him. He is always with me. And all my friends keep talking about him (the ones who don’t know we broke up, no one seems to notice or care) because they all admire and like him, so they may actually feel relieved.

My friend caught him looking at me several times in one class, then he went to sit far away from me in the next class. I try desperately not to think about him, but it is NOT easy since I am forced to see him everyday in school. I got to the extent of not wanting to go to school. I know I am weak by not wanting to go, and I know tomorrow morning I’ll force myself through the school doors, but still I am hurting too much when around him.
Help, how do I move on? How do I find myself and find my inner strength and determination to move on and forget him?

I understand your many questions. Many others have or will have these same questions. No reason at this early time to focus on any one issue but soon you'll have to start prioritizing some of the information or lack of. As of NOW your in PAIN. I lean toward the concept of "feel your pain and you will grow." I am also not shy of my doctor and would know when intervention outweighed any concept. Try not to hammer away at yourself with all the after the fact questions. If you have no answers for these questions right now just remember your dealing with a lot of pain and that very healthy brain of yours is not in the mood to deal with tons of questions; try one at a time. This type of pain is self limiting and will not last. Your pain will diminish and you will grow and become more of who you are.

Sorry you guys broke up! As far as the pain you are in, in time it will pass. I know that doesn't make it any easier right now. Just try to stay as busy as you can. It's rough hearing friends talk about someone you just broke up with. Try to think of it this way, if you had never been in a relationship with him, you would probably look at him the same way they did. They look at him as a friend, the same as he was before you guys broke up. I'm sure if you talk to those people, you will find that they are very sympathetic to you. Also, if you have the same group of friends, maybe they don't want to get involved in it. They might not want it to appear like they are taking sides. It sounds like your friends want to stay neutral, and really, that's a good thing. They can still be friends with both of you. If you tell them that you are still hurting, I'm sure they will do their best not to talk about him too much in front of you. Having him in your classes makes it hard, but just try to focus on what you're learning there. Tune him out, don't look at him, whatever it takes for you to pay attention. Stay busy when you're not in school, hang out with your friends, talk to your mom about how you're doing. It sounds like you have some people to support you, and that makes it easier. Just hang on to the fact that you will eventually get over it. It's like one morning you will realize that the breakup wasn't the first thing you thought of when you woke up, then after a while, you'll realize you didn't think about him all day. Then, after more time goes by, you will realize you haven't cried about him in a while, and so on. It gets better a little bit at a time. Good luck to you!

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Originally Posted by peggyhill

Sorry you guys broke up! As far as the pain you are in, in time it will pass. I know that doesn't make it any easier right now. Just try to stay as busy as you can. It's rough hearing friends talk about someone you just broke up with. Try to think of it this way, if you had never been in a relationship with him, you would probably look at him the same way they did. They look at him as a friend, the same as he was before you guys broke up. I'm sure if you talk to those people, you will find that they are very sympathetic to you. Also, if you have the same group of friends, maybe they don't want to get involved in it. They might not want it to appear like they are taking sides. It sounds like your friends want to stay neutral, and really, that's a good thing. They can still be friends with both of you. If you tell them that you are still hurting, I'm sure they will do their best not to talk about him too much in front of you. Having him in your classes makes it hard, but just try to focus on what you're learning there. Tune him out, don't look at him, whatever it takes for you to pay attention. Stay busy when you're not in school, hang out with your friends, talk to your mom about how you're doing. It sounds like you have some people to support you, and that makes it easier. Just hang on to the fact that you will eventually get over it. It's like one morning you will realize that the breakup wasn't the first thing you thought of when you woke up, then after a while, you'll realize you didn't think about him all day. Then, after more time goes by, you will realize you haven't cried about him in a while, and so on. It gets better a little bit at a time. Good luck to you!

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Its really really really hard. I have him in almost all my classes, I have to hear about him all the time from my friends, and I can't stop thinking of him myself. I have my first midterm tomorrow and I just can't stop thinking about him! I've tried studying on the table, walking around, taking a break, nothing is helping! My thoughts keep drifting to him. I even cried, but it made me think more of him. What shall I do? I am a good student and always get high marks, I don't want this silly boy to ruin my good grades. But I can't help myself. I keep wishing and wondering and waiting for him to come back to me and talk to me! At least EXPLAIN! At least apologize, show me he cares I was mad. Now it's a fight to show who can last without the other. Who can prove they can live a better life without the other and who can stay without talking to the other longer. I didn't want to lose the battle, but I didn't ask for this war!

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time at school. It is really hard when someone we love just acts like they don't care, especially when they won't even explain why. Maybe you should approach him in a couple of weeks and ask him to please explain why he ended the relationship. Tell him that you aren't trying to get him back, but that you feel he owes you an explanation. Try to stay calm when you ask him, and if he acts like a jerk, just walk away. At the very least, he should explain to you. It's hard to have closure when you don't even know why something happened. I'm sure if you were the one who broke up with him, you would have explained the reason why. Unfortunately, it sounds like this guy is acting very immature about this. Just keep your head up and just keep going. The hardest time is right now. You will be able to get through this. Do you think it might help to talk to your teachers and tell them why you are having a hard time right now? That way if you start having trouble they will know why. Also, you could ask them not to pair you up with him if you have to have partners for anything in class. I know it's hard right now, but it WILL get better, I promise!

Talking to my teachers is not a very good idea; my teachers aren't that really close to me if you know what I'm saying. We won't be hooked up together in a project because most of the time students get to chose their partners in projects.
The part that really hurts is probably when I find him talking to my friends, standing with my group, laughing and having fun not even bothering to look my way. As I said, it's a battle, a war. I don't know why it started. I always thought when someone made a mistake he/she should apologize and care to make things work, I guess they don't anymore. All I know is that he's trying to prove he is over me and so happy without me and doesn't feel the need to talk to me, and I must do the same. I go to school, I try to learn, I'm laughing with my friends, but no one can see the pain inside of me. What hurts is how he was so capable of forgetting all the times we spent together so quickly, it just seems like a nightmare and I keep waiting for the alarm clock to wake me up. I am acting like I totally don't care, as I said I'm laughing with my friends, living my life, and I am showing him NO emotion at all, it seems like we're two people too proud to talk to each other -I have a reason not to, but he doesnt- but I am afraid I'm the only one going through the pain. No one knows what's inside of me, there is no one to talk to and to tell how hurt I truly feel. I don't want him back and officially want to put him on my black list, I won't be ignoring him but waiting for him to come back to talk to me, or waiting till we'll at least be friends again, I won't. But see, that's the problem, I don't want to… but how can I with such terrible circumstances? What made him change so much? Does he have the right to be annoyed? He hurt me, he made a huge mistake, one he did and I told him not to do many many times, how could he not care for my feelings? How could all of it be... a lie?! :(

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Originally Posted by statictable

I understand your many questions. Many others have or will have these same questions. No reason at this early time to focus on any one issue but soon you'll have to start prioritizing some of the information or lack of. As of NOW your in PAIN. I lean toward the concept of "feel your pain and you will grow." I am also not shy of my doctor and would know when intervention outweighed any concept. Try not to hammer away at yourself with all the after the fact questions. If you have no answers for these questions right now just remember your dealing with a lot of pain and that very healthy brain of yours is not in the mood to deal with tons of questions; try one at a time. This type of pain is self limiting and will not last. Your pain will diminish and you will grow and become more of who you are.

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How long must I keep feeling this pain and confusion? Part of it is the confusion, the inablity to understand why and how? When he is the one who made the mistake and hurt me terribly, how can he be acting like its my fault without even telling me why he's angry with me! Its so confusing! :mad:

He is probably acting like it is your fault because he knows he is guilty. He knows what he did was wrong, but he doesn't want to admit it. He is acting like everything is fine and pretending he isn't wrong. He's acting very immature. He probably did enjoy, and does remember, the good times that you had. But, he cares more about being able to do what he wants to do than the feelings of others. By saying "I don't care, I"m going to act like I don't have a care in the world" he is able to pretend he has no reason to feel guilt. Just keep your chin up and stand your ground. I can understand why you want to act like you're not hurting when you are around him at school. You should still talk to someone about your feelings, if you're not doing that already. As long as you talk to someone about it, you won't be holding it all in. Talk to a trustworthy friend, an adult you trust, a relative, youth pastor, or someone. Talking about it online can be helpful, but you need people to give you hugs too! :) Just try to surround yourself with things that make you feel better. Listen to a song that makes you feel strong about yourself, watch a movie where the characters are dealing with similar stuff, punch a pillow, just whatever helps you let the feelings out. I promise as time goes by, it will get better. I know that doesn't help right now, but time really is the only thing that helps. The hurt fades after a while. I bet by the time Thanksgiving break comes around, you will already be feeling a lot better. It sucks in the meantime though. Remember, there is nothing wrong with crying about it; it helps you heal emotionally. Hang in there and be strong!

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Originally Posted by peggyhill

He is probably acting like it is your fault because he knows he is guilty. He knows what he did was wrong, but he doesn't want to admit it. He is acting like everything is fine and pretending he isn't wrong. He's acting very immature. He probably did enjoy, and does remember, the good times that you had. But, he cares more about being able to do what he wants to do than the feelings of others. By saying "I don't care, I"m going to act like I don't have a care in the world" he is able to pretend he has no reason to feel guilt. Just keep your chin up and stand your ground. I can understand why you want to act like you're not hurting when you are around him at school. You should still talk to someone about your feelings, if you're not doing that already. As long as you talk to someone about it, you won't be holding it all in. Talk to a trustworthy friend, an adult you trust, a relative, youth pastor, or someone. Talking about it online can be helpful, but you need people to give you hugs too! :) Just try to surround yourself with things that make you feel better. Listen to a song that makes you feel strong about yourself, watch a movie where the characters are dealing with similar stuff, punch a pillow, just whatever helps you let the feelings out. I promise as time goes by, it will get better. I know that doesn't help right now, but time really is the only thing that helps. The hurt fades after a while. I bet by the time Thanksgiving break comes around, you will already be feeling a lot better. It sucks in the meantime though. Remember, there is nothing wrong with crying about it; it helps you heal emotionally. Hang in there and be strong!

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Its too hard to believe he could forget everything so fast while I'm still drowning in the memories. If he is pretending, he should win an Oscar or an Emmy, whatever shows how good he is in bruising every part of my heart. I am the kind of person who doesn't get hurt easily, but when I do, it takes such a long time for me to heal. Similar things have happened in the past, but I didn't have to see that guy everyday and it took me too much time to heal! I am listening to Since you've been gone for Kelly Clarkson... any other suggestions? And any other things I can do whenever I find him laughing with my friends or close to me in school so I'd stop thinking of him and not get mad inside (as I said, I'm good at keeping things hidden inside of me) and focus on my studies? Anything I can do in school to make me feel better in and out? I can't find someone to talk to. The ones I told got sick of the same subject and aren't understanding how hurt I truly and honestly am, this is the first time I've felt so close to someone, and its much easier to write it down then to speak it out loud. Telling another person may make me feel worse instead of better... so I guess I'm going to stick with punching my pillow and talking to my teddy bear. Don't laugh, I still sleep with my teddy bear :D... I guess it was wrong to post this info online... naah, whatever! :p

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Originally Posted by Silent Breeze

It may be long but please read!
Well I have just broken up with someone, it was a 6 days ago (the same guy I posted a question about sometime before, now after coming back to me, it is official, we broke up) tomorrow is our 1 week anniversary, lol. So what I’m trying to say is I have no idea how to move on. It is hard, and I know that with time it will get better, but now I can’t stand the on going pain. I go to school with him, and he is in my classes and I can’t help but noticing the way he doesn’t sit next to me anymore and is far away from me in every possible way. I got used to having him always around. My story actually has a twist, he was the one who hurt me in every possible way, and now he’s acting like he was the one who got hurt. He is changing seats and sitting far from me. It makes me so confused because he changed SO much in so little time! We were laughing and having fun then he did the worse thing possible, when I got sad and hurt he didn’t come to apologize, instead he turned everything against me and he isn’t talking to me and he won’t even explain why he is angry. I didn’t go to talk to him, it’s been 6 days and none of us has said a word to the other. It is so confusing. I told a friend from outside of school and my mom, they both agreed he was mistaken and he is only acting this way so I’d go back to him. I didnt do anything wrong to him, I didnt even yell at him when he did it, I just stood up and walked away, I didnt do anything wrong, how come he's mad with me?!!

Did he actually never really like me? There was a time I believed he was only using me to get to my friend, then he left her and came back to me and I thought he was just trying to make me jealous. Things were okay until last Tuesday. I don’t know how to get over him. He is always with me. And all my friends keep talking about him (the ones who don’t know we broke up, no one seems to notice or care) because they all admire and like him, so they may actually feel relieved.

My friend caught him looking at me several times in one class, then he went to sit far away from me in the next class. I try desperately not to think about him, but it is NOT easy since I am forced to see him everyday in school. I got to the extent of not wanting to go to school. I know I am weak by not wanting to go, and I know tomorrow morning I’ll force myself through the school doors, but still I am hurting too much when around him.
Help, how do I move on? How do I find myself and find my inner strength and determination to move on and forget him?

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You are unique and unrepeatable! You have the right to feel confused and hurt. He has the right to be angry and not tell you why though. He is also an unrepeatable person. One of the hardest things for adults to master is acceptance that the only person they can truly control is themselves. If you want to, just ask him what's up. No matter what his answer may be, it does not impact your worth as a human being. Who do you want to be? What do you want to learn from this icky situation that you can take with you into the future? Are you the best person you can be, right now? If you are then that is the most you can do to make any situation better.

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Originally Posted by simoneaugie

You are unique and unrepeatable! You have the right to feel confused and hurt. He has the right to be angry and not tell you why though. He is also an unrepeatable person. One of the hardest things for adults to master is acceptance that the only person they can truly control is themselves. If you want to, just ask him what's up. No matter what his answer may be, it does not impact your worth as a human being. Who do you want to be? What do you want to learn from this icky situation that you can take with you into the future? Are you the best person you can be, right now? If you are then that is the most you can do to make any situation better.

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How can he have the right to make me so confused?! He knows why I got sad, why I turned around and walked away, however I have no idea why he is acting mad with me when he was the one who made the same mistake over and over again. I wasn't going to end our relationship, I liked him so much, I was, and still am, wishing he'd stop hurting my feelings and come back. I know this is what's keeping me from moving on. This isn't the first, or second, or third time he's done this... but I never thought he could ignore my hurt and stop coming to me and act angry with me and start avoiding me! I was supposed to do that! He knows he's wrong but wants me to come after him, now I know... I won't go after him, but how do I stop myself from feeling this pain? I'm afraid of asking him, afraid of his response, afraid of how hurt I could be after I hear his response, what if he was waiting for me to talk to him so he'd hurt me even more?

You cannot die from emotional pain. Hurt, like happiness flows through you and goes on. No feeling is permanent, ever. It sounds to me like you're playing social games. They're probably hurting more than just you.

You do not own him, nor are you responsible for his feelings. You can't change him. You can only change you. Yeah, I know, it effing hurts!

What really helps me when I get stuck in this place is asking myself when and where I'm using the words: can't, shouldn't, wouldn't, hadn't. Those words riding around on your thoughts are twisting. "He can't do this to me, he shouldn't act that way..." Remove "can't" and "shouldn't" because he is free. Yes he can! Yes he did! How are you going to move forward? I think you can. You got to want to be free too.