Hello. I have seen this question on here a few times, so Im sorry about this, but I just need some advice. Im stressing out... okay... Im 19 years old, in University, pursuing a goal... my fiancé is 25 years old, finishing his grade 12 then going to college. He has a criminal record, and has just recently turned to God, a born-again Christian. We recently told my mother our plans to get married... we've been together 6 months, but on and off for 5 years... The conversation did not go so well. Her opinion is that if we love each other as much as we say we do, then there's no harm in waiting another 4 years until were done school. I agree with her, but the way we see it is as the next step in our relationship and do not see the point in waiting if we know this is what we want. Basically, the way I see it is that my mother wants me with someone else... shes going on about me being immature at 19 and that in 3 years I will have grown up and changed my mind... I do not agree with this. I think I am mature... Ive decided what I would like to do with my life and am pursuing my goals... how is that immature? I know she is just trying to be protective of her only daughter, but what upsets me is why can't she just be happy for me and support my decision? Her and my step dad married after 6 months of dating... so what's the difference? She saying that we need to take tests to see if we're compatible... well what's a test going to show? That were not able to get married? Marriage is about working together... we both know that this is what we want... we've worked through our differences, and we are very much in love. We can't see each other with anyone else so what's the big deal? Please, if anyone has any advice for me on this I would appreciate it. Im meeting with my mother on Sunday to plead my case so I need some advice... thank you very much.

Hi,
Thank you for your question here at this site, and welcome to the site. I am sure you will get many answers in a little while.
Just so you know how to either accept or reject my advice, I am 63 yrs old, married the first time for 7 yrs, then divorced. (I was 24 when first married). This second marriage is now going on 29 years!
A fact about divorce: Over half of all marriages in the US end in divorce, and the younger the partners, the more chance of divorce. Now, this might not apply to you, but something to consider.
I agree with your Mom. At 19, you have the whole world in front of you, and your future. Why rush it? If you two are really in love, why want it wait for a little longer??
Are you afraid your boyfriend will change his mind about you?
A little secret: At 18 and 19, I thought both my parents were quite crazy, didn't know anything, and I knew more than they ever would. But, at 23, I begin to realize just how much my parents really knew about life. They had been married many, many years by that time.
True love does not just go away. It will stay, thrive, and if you two really love each other, will grow stronger with time.
At 19, please don't "rush" into marriage with anyone; finish college, and be guaranteed a good future. There is no quarantee you will finish college married! There is no quarantee that you will not finish married either; but the chances are greater that you won't finish.
I am a Christian, and so glad to hear your boyfriend has made that choice... good for him; and you.
I do sincerely wish you both the best, and please wait. Your love will grow stronger.

Oh my goodness I think we are twins! My mother and stepdad were married exactly 6 months to the day after they met... I went to her for the same reason 3 years ago... you know what I did..? My then boyfriend and I broke up after we realized we really weren't meant to be together and then I went in the military... my mother then began doing the " i told you so" thing so I married one of my friends to prove her wrong and because I was lonely. Which ended in a divorce 4 months later. But now I am more grown up and I'm in a realationship that is amazing... wait at least another year... if it really is meant to be the it will be... there is no rush... see how you do over the next year... you will either grow so much stronger or you will realize you are not meant to be... and trust me a break up is so much easier than a divorce... as far as your mother, let her know you are you and not her and that you are an adult and will make your own decisions... she needs to give you room to make mistakes because trust me you will and you will learn from them... do what you think is best for you but I really think that you should wait another year... it would be a wise decsion... :)

Take it from me as someone who DID get married at 19 you should be really careful. Marriage is really hard, and nobody really knows what it's like before they get married. Even people who live together before hand.

At 19 you aren't fully matured yet. You fundamentally change as a person between 19 and mid twenties, and if you don't grow together that can cause significant problems in the relationship. I'm not saying don't get married, but I am saying go in with your eyes WIDE open. It's not going to be easy.

Regarding the tests thing. My husband and I had compatibility tests done, and we came out as really incompatible. But we were so in love and we'd been together for three years and we were so fool hardy stubborn that we got married anyway.

I gave up so much to be married to him. He was working and I was still at uni, but we had financial problems so I had to drop out and start working. I've done a job that I hate ever since because it pays well and meant that he could have all the boy toys he wanted.

Now I'm 24. And I left my husband about a month ago. I'm severely messed up by the whole experience. Just be really really careful. I'd recommend some preventative counselling. Figure out what your issues are and fix them before they become insurmountable.

I really hope that everything works out for you.

I'm inclined to agree with your mother that you should think things over carefully and not make any abrupt decisions. There's a lot of things happening here ; you're attending college pursuing a degree , your intended is 25 years old but lacks a high school education and has a criminal record. You say that he's recently become a born-again Christian. If in fact the Holy Spirit has truly convicted his heart and he's become a new man then more power to you both, but beware as these things often are simply a fad and do not last in the lives of people in crisis, as was the case with your intended, having a limited education and being incarcerated for a crime. After all, simply being a "born-again Christian" won't land him a good job ; he still needs the skills and education. Given the circumstances, you'll probably have to help out with the breadwinning, probably being responsible for the majority of it and that will be very difficult to do if you leave college before completing your degree. I hope that you're studying something that will leave you with a marketable skill and not just "liberal arts" ; otherwise, as the old joke goes, you'll be saying "Do you want fries with that?" $5.15 per hour minimum wage at McDonald's or Wendy's, 40 hours a week (large chains like that don't believe in paying overtime, so forget it) amounts to $206 a week before taxes ; hardly enough to even come close to affording raising a family. You've got a lot of things to think about here, so please take them seriously.

I had my daughter when I was 18, I was engaged @ 19. I listened to my mother and did not follow through with the marriage and decided to wait a while until we were both old enough and mature enough. All I have to say Is THANK THE LORD that I did not marry this man. I grew up, he didn't. Eventually @ the age of 22 I left him and didn't regret a thing. He grew up to be the type of man that I didn't want anywhere near me or my daughter. People change, I highly doubt that @ the age of 25 or 30 you will be the same person that you are now. The fact that he is 25 is one thing, the fact that he doesn't have a high schoold diploma is another, the fact that he didn't even attempt to go and get a GED speaks volumes about how resoponsible and capable of a man that he is. How is he going to support you without an education? I take my hat off to anyone who turns their life over to the Lord but my dear, without an education he is still not going to be able to adequately provide for you. WAIT! Take this slowly and time will tell.

Marriage is a commitment and one that only the couple can really tell.

AT 19 you will change a lot in the next 5 years, but then you will also change a lot more over the next 10 also.

The biggest issues will be your background as to what you feel about so many issues, and what type of life you have latter. Often some of the hardest changes in couples deal with new jobs, making more money, hard for couple to decide how to live.

All marriages have issues and troubles. But the couple has to commit, if they are willing to walk away too soon, then it will never work.

I would say give it another year and then see where you are at. But then I am an one who has seen years of waiting and learning.

Jen, just in case you missed it in the previous 57 some odd posts, WAIT! At the very very minimum 1 year, if at all possible 2 years. And during those two years, please keep your eyes and your ears open to every aspect about him and your relationship. Do you fight a lot? Is he honest? Hard working? Does he treat you with love and respect? If you don't have it now, it won't change later by the magic of marriage. You're young, if you have anything, its time! Best of luck..

Hi dear, I agree with Iwannababy2 and Eva, and momincali - they all make a very good point.
My daughter thought she was mature at 22, and she was, but I knew he was the wrong guy, and now she's getting a divorce. I did not however, say she should not, I let her make her own choice, but I told her that I would be there for her no matter what and even threw a shower for her. Why not wait another year? That way, you can prove to your mom that you guys can wait and are responsible and she cannot then say anything against it. But I'm sure she will go along with what you want, because she's human and made her share of mistakes in life too, and probably did not listen to her mother either. We all have to make our choices, good or bad, and learn from them. I wish you both a lot of health, and luck, no matter what you do.

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I feel we are our own person and I think you should go and live your life the waqy you want not the way anyone else does.

Everyone so far has had negative things to say, valid, but still negative. Not everyone's marriages breakdown. Some actually work out. My boyfriends parents were married when his mom was 19 and his dad was 31. They are like still happily married and are getting on in life. Our friends are 17 and are getting married and they have worked out fine.