:confused: hi everyone I'm new here and I want immediately some answers... I was in a relationship with this girl back home for 1,5 years.we loved each other but sometimes cause I was jealous I made her cry and she didn't know what to do.. she loved a lot and I loved her too.
This year I came to uk for studies.. at first we didn't speak very good to each other ans suddenly she told me she wanted a break to our relationship to leave her some space to think.. but cause I loved her I didn't want to leave her alone that's the problem and she was speakink awaful to me.. one week ago she told me she met a guy and that they talk very friendly.. and because I was jealous I was saying but things to her and as a result she told me not to call her again.. she tells me that she loves me but its difficult for her the distance and that I am jealous and she said that she won't do anything with the other guy and want me to leave her alone... its been one week I don't eat,I cry a lot and don't know what to do.. she called me today to see how am I but she said to me she doesn't want to be together she likes her life now that she's alone
My questions are why she's saying that she loves me and doesn't want to be with me...
What if I give her some space and then falls in love with the other guy.. I don't know what to think anymore
Please help me tell me what to do.. I love her

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by adwnis

:confused: hi everyone i'm new here and i want immediately some answers...i was in a relationship with this girl back home for 1,5 years.we loved each other but sometimes cause i was jealous i made her cry and she didnt know what to do..she loved a lot and i loved her too.
this year i came to uk for studies..at first we didnt speak very good to each other ans suddenly she told me she wanted a break to our relationship to leave her some space to think..but cause i loved her i didnt want to leave her alone thats the problem and she was speakink awaful to me..one week ago she told me she met a guy and that they talk very friendly..and because i was jealous i was saying but things to her and as a result she told me not to call her again..she tells me that she loves me but its difficult for her the distance and that i am jealous and she said that she wont do anything with the other guy and want me to leave her alone...its been one week i dont eat,i cry a lot and dont know what to do..she called me today to see how am i but she said to me she doesnt want to be together she likes her life now that shes alone
my questions are why shes saying that she loves me and doesnt want to be with me...
what if i give her some space and then falls in love with the other guy..i dont know what to think anymore
please help me tell me what to do..i love her

---

I know how you feel, cause I`m a very jealous person in a relationship too... But you have to learn to LET GO a bit. If you love her, then why are you strangeling her? She probably does love you, but your jealousy destroyed it. And by being jealous, you indirectly tell her that she can`t be trusted, and that`s not nice of her to hear from you... You have to let go, and tell her that you respect her decision and you just want her to be happy... Tell her that you can understand why she can`t be with you, because you have a jealousy problem, but you just love her too much so it`s difficult for you to control yourself sometimes..

And if it`s meant to be, u`ll be together again.

Do you know that if you`re too jealous and controlling, you can actually drive your lover to cheat on you? That`s a fact, so take control of your emotions before both of you gets really hurt, if it`s not too late already...

Wish you the best of luck, try to eat something, and I promise you that you`ll be all right.
Take care. Xxx.

Hi, I wanted to tell you that you should give her space. She is probably hurting just as much as you are and just doesn't want to show it. You need to learn to control your jealousy. I'm the same way over my husband and he calls me paranoid. It will drive them away. We almost split up cause of it. You can't force anyone to be with you or do what you want. You know that saying, If you really love someone sometimes you just have to let go. I know it hurts but, if it's meant to be, it will happen. Give her space and time. Don't show her that you are hurt. If you act like it doesn't, it will probably get her thinking that she didn't do the right thing. And if it doesn't happen, you will find someone else. It may not seem likely now but, it will happen. Hope everything turns out for you. But, don't starve yourself over this.

Hey I have a question: if you guys carry on, then will you be together (I mean side by side not LDR)? ANd if so, when can I happen?

Since if you guys don't have a clear plan about when to come together then things just simply fade away...

Showing her how jealous you are, makes her feel like you do not trust her at all. When my LD boyfriend did this to me, it really hurt and I felt I can't do anything or have any opinions, I'm just trapped under his rules. We actually broke up for a bit. We are together now again though. I know when she says oh I met a guy (just friend) About 2 million bad thought go through your head. But you can't freak out at her. If you keep a Good relationship, she won't want to cheat or anything she will be so excited to see you again, that she won't want to cheat. Have a good talk with her and say I know I have been acting really jealous lately and I'm sorry I am just finding this LDR really hard. I will try to work harder at keeping those emotions in because I'm sure you feel them to ,you just don't tell me. Something like that hehee, showing her you are taking responsibility will make a difference.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by adwnis

:confused: hi everyone i'm new here and i want immediately some answers...i was in a relationship with this girl back home for 1,5 years.we loved each other but sometimes cause i was jealous i made her cry and she didnt know what to do..she loved a lot and i loved her too.
this year i came to uk for studies..at first we didnt speak very good to each other ans suddenly she told me she wanted a break to our relationship to leave her some space to think..but cause i loved her i didnt want to leave her alone thats the problem and she was speakink awaful to me..one week ago she told me she met a guy and that they talk very friendly..and because i was jealous i was saying but things to her and as a result she told me not to call her again..she tells me that she loves me but its difficult for her the distance and that i am jealous and she said that she wont do anything with the other guy and want me to leave her alone...its been one week i dont eat,i cry a lot and dont know what to do..she called me today to see how am i but she said to me she doesnt want to be together she likes her life now that shes alone
my questions are why shes saying that she loves me and doesnt want to be with me...
what if i give her some space and then falls in love with the other guy..i dont know what to think anymore
please help me tell me what to do..i love her

---

She is saying that she loves you but is not happy with you. You're jealous sometimes not very nice and you're not there. She does not want to be in a relationship like that.
The best thing for you to do is o respect her wishes and leave her alone.

It sounds funny but I think your fear of losing her is what has been driving her her away. You're not alone... I've done the same thing. The first thing is don't worry about this other guy, because if you do you're going to make yourself sick over something you can't control. The second is to take a step back give her some space. If you just simply cannot leave her completely alone settle for a simple Email... assuming its OK with her. While you're taking a step back try to see things from her persepective.

And as for her saying that she loves you she just doesn't want to be with you... I can think of a couple of things first of all being the hard truth that she does love you she's just not in love with you OR there's that She like doesn't want to have to worry about everything she does that she loves you she just can't handle the jealousy thing then again it could simply be that being away from each other and fighting so much is just wearing her down...

Just give it some time... either way... things will work out how they're suppose to

Good Luck!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Baby-_-Girl-_-19

It sounds funny but i think your fear of losing her is what has been driving her her away. You're not alone...I've done the same thing. The first thing is dont worry about this other guy, because if you do you're going to make yourself sick over something you can't control. The second is to take a step back give her some space. If you just simply cannot leave her completly alone settle for a simple Email...assuming its ok with her. While you're taking a step back try to see things from her persepective.

And as for her saying that she loves you she just doesnt want to be with you...i can think of a couple of things first of all being the hard truth that she does love you shes just not in love with you OR theres that She like doesnt want to have to worry about everything she does that she loves you she just can't handle the jealousy thing then again it could simply be that being away from each other and fighting so much is just wearing her down....

Just give it some time...either way....things will work out how they're suppose to

Good Luck!

---

Thanks for your answer but I will ask you something.she says that she loves me OK what if I give her this space that she wants and then starts to like the other guy what will happen then?I will lose her

When we spoke to the phone 2-3 days ago I told her I respect her dicision but I won't be there expecting her to come back and she told me she loves me.how can I understand if she has sth with the other guy but she doesn't want to lose me also?

You may very well lose her. This does not sound like a healthy relationship and moving on may be the best thing for both of you.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by adwnis

:confused: hi everyone i'm new here and i want immediately some answers...i was in a relationship with this girl back home for 1,5 years.we loved each other but sometimes cause i was jealous i made her cry and she didnt know what to do..she loved a lot and i loved her too.

---

Really? Since when Jealousy is love?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by adwnis

this year i came to uk for studies..at first we didnt speak very good to each other ans suddenly she told me she wanted a break to our relationship to leave her some space to think..but cause i loved her i didnt want to leave her alone thats the problem and she was speakink awaful to me..one week ago she told me she met a guy and that they talk very friendly..and because i was jealous i was saying but things to her and as a result she told me not to call her again..she tells me that she loves me but its difficult for her the distance and that i am jealous and she said that she wont do anything with the other guy and want me to leave her alone...its been one week i dont eat,i cry a lot and dont know what to do..she called me today to see how am i but she said to me she doesnt want to be together she likes her life now that shes alone
my questions are why shes saying that she loves me and doesnt want to be with me...
what if i give her some space and then falls in love with the other guy..i dont know what to think anymore
please help me tell me what to do..i love her

---

Listen guy, or whatever you are. I was in your shoes a couple of months ago. 6 exactly. From the way I will talk, you will see the difference and my improvements. Call me crazy if you want, arrogant, whatever. And if I'm talking harsh to you, that means I have learned something, and I'm talking like to myself. I was the most freaking person in the world, crazy, fu.cking stupid, I did everything what someone completely idiot and a controller can do with the life of someone else. The end? I lost my ex. Reason? Jealosy. Controlling. Manipulative. Insecurity. Co-dependency. I was the hell in her life. Yes, I hate myself!! But I hate you too. Why? Cause you remember myself. I didn't understood I was controlling her. The break was a way to put some light on my behaviour. Look at me now. A lot of therapy. Consults. Everything. Why? Because of me. Im not going to win her back again. I don't want her. I want myself back. Do you get my point? No? Look at my quote below.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Matteus

Really? Since when Jealousy is love?



Listen guy, or whatever you are. I was in your shoes a couple of months ago. 6 exactly. from the way i will talk, you will see the difference and my improvements. call me crazy if you want, arrogant, whatever. And if im talking harsh to you, that means i have learned something, and im talking like to myself. I was the most freaking person in the world, crazy, fu.cking stupid, i did everything what someone completely idiot and a controller can do with the life of someone else. The end? I lost my ex. Reason? Jealosy. Controlling. Manipulative. Insecurity. Co-dependency. I was the hell in her life. Yes, i hate myself!!! But i hate you too. Why? cause you remember myself. I didnt understood i was controlling her. The break was a way to put some light on my behaviour. Look at me now. A lot of therapy. Consults. Everything. Why? Because of me. Im not going to win her back again. I dont want her. I want myself back. Do you get my point? No? Look at my quote below.

---

It depends of what things you were doing when you are in jealous.maybe that's the difference betwween me and you... thanx for the answer by the way

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by adwnis

it depends of what things you were doing when you are in jealous.maybe thats the difference betwween me and you....thanx for the answer btw

---

Listen man. Being jealous or not, that is not going to save the relation, if the lady wants out. You get this? And it doesn't count that much if I was angry when I was jealous, or if I got mad at her, or what ever. Jealousy is a sign of weakness. That's enough for lady to know who you are.
Jealousy and codependency, as manipulation and controlling, are just going to make the breakup harder, makes the other partner forget the good times between you too, and live in a hell, as long as she/him wants to postpone the end of the relation, or she/he ends it right there, wasting her/his further hurts. Relations work this way: You are you, she is she. Everybody has its own space, and once the other partner comes my way and tries to occupie my space (meaning: controls me, try to manipulate me, depends on me, is affected at me at the point that I just feel bored and like I own him my affection too, is jealous at me), I will be bored, nervous, angry, etc, which means, I won't feel happy in that kind of situation, which means, I will go out or for the sake of the relation, I will ignore those also abbusive behaviour of my partner, until I can't get with it anymore and finish the relation.
It doesn't count if you are a nice guy, or you try hard to save the relation. The relation doesn't depend on you only. It depends on you both. And you can't make someone change their way, by just telling them that I will try, I'm going to be good, I will change, or by being jealous. Words just don't change their way! It will only push them even more to their decision. Best choice for you, would be this. The lady wants out? OK, let her go out of the relation and see the life without you. That should not be a problem for you. You get my point? Respect her choice, and in the mean time, have the consult about the problems you have that don't let you be a Real Man in the relation. Being a Real man, doesn't mean being only someone who cares about the partner. It doesn't mean you have a good job and are paid good enough, and the lady should stay with you. It means being confident, it means have a status. And you are not showing any kind of confidence if you stay there near your girlfriend like a puppy lover. Remember, You have to be the catch in a relation, cause you are the man. If the girl doesn't find you a catch (and this because of you) she is going to get another catch, you get this ?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by adwnis

thanx for your answer but i will ask u something.she says that she loves me ok what if i give her this space that she wants and then starts to like the other guy what will happen then?i will lose her

when we spoke to the phone 2-3 days ago i told her i respect her dicision but i wont be there expecting her to come back and she told me she loves me.how can i understand if she has sth with the other guy but she doesnt want to lose me also??

---

Yes but if you push to hard you will push her away even farther and she might start likeing that other guy anyway

Im not really sure how to awnser that because I don't really think there's a right or wrong awnser I know that what she's doing to you isn't fair exspcially because she knows how much you love her but then again I know that if you guys are in a long distance relationship things are bound to get rough exspecially because you're both young adults with your whole lives ahead... It could be any number of things... the only thing I know is that when she's ready to talk that's something you're going to have to ask her...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Matteus

Listen man. being jealous or not, that is not going to save the relation, if the lady wants out. you get this? And it doesnt count that much if i was angry when i was jealous, or if i got mad at her, or what ever. jealousy is a sign of weakness. thats enough for lady to know who you are.
Jealousy and codependency, as manipulation and controlling, are just going to make the breakup harder, makes the other partner forget the good times between you too, and live in a hell, as long as she/him wants to postpone the end of the relation, or she/he ends it right there, wasting her/his further hurts. Relations work this way: You are you, she is she. Everybody has its own space, and once the other partner comes my way and tries to occupie my space (meaning: controls me, try to manipulate me, depends on me, is affected at me at the point that i just feel bored and like i own him my affection too, is jealous at me), i will be bored, nervous, angry, etc, which means, i wont feel happy in that kind of situation, which means, i will go out or for the sake of the relation, i will ignore those also abbusive behaviour of my partner, until i can't get with it anymore and finish the relation.
It doesnt count if you are a nice guy, or you try hard to save the relation. the relation doesnt depend on you only. it depends on you both. and you can't make someone change their way, by just telling them that i will try, im going to be good, i will change, or by being jealous. words just dont change their way! it will only push them even more to their decision. best choice for you, would be this. The lady wants out? ok, let her go out of the relation and see the life without you. that should not be a problem for you. You get my point? Respect her choice, and in the mean time, have the consult about the problems you have that dont let you be a Real Man in the relation. Being a Real man, doesnt mean being only someone who cares about the partner. It doesnt mean you have a good job and are paid good enough, and the lady should stay with you. It means being confident, it means have a status. And you are not showing any kind of confidence if you stay there near your girlfriend like a puppy lover. Remember, You have to be the catch in a relation, cause you are the man. if the girl doesnt find you a catch (and this because of you) she is going to get another catch, you get this ?

---

Its OK my friend.. yesterday we spoke to the phone she told me she wants to be alone until I go back for the christmas to be together amd I told her straight to off from my life.. I don't want this girl anymore I care for her only I don't love her.. I can't be with a girl that wants to be alone and when I go back for 15 days to be with her...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by adwnis

its ok my friend..yesterday we spoke to the phone she told me she wants to be alone until i go back for the christmas to be together amd i told her straight to off from my life..i dont want this girl anymore i care for her only i dont love her..i can't be with a girl that wants to be alone and when i go back for 15 days to be with her...

---

1. Lets assume your words are how you really feel:
From giving her that space she wants, now you go to stage "i dont want her anymore"? You don't love her anymore or you can't be with this girl anymore because of your ego and your pride? Make yourself a question. It's a confusion in here. You don't love her anymore (?), You care about her, but you cut her off your life... What is love buddy? Cause I don't think you know the answer... Love is just an expression, a word, nothing... An illusion. The real cause you stay with someone, is because you like to stay with her/him, its because you have things to share, interests to share, like each-other company, have things in common, etc. Once those insterests, those things to share, those likes, are gone, everyone, even you will look for something and someone else. I don't understand why people still call it love? All these things YOU like about her, and the way she makes YOU feel, the moments she gave YOU, YOUR need to fill the void, YOU call love. If there are things YOU don't like anymore, she doesn't make YOU feel like YOU want, not such "great" moments anymore, you just don't love the other person anymore, and cut her off your life. You are egoistic and your kind of "Love" is egoistic (its not called love).

2. Lets assume your words are influenced from your angry:
You are more likely angry with her... And your response was influenced from your angry. As you see, you didn't learned nothing at all about your behaviour. You became angry, because she said that thing to you... Can you see through it? You are still dependent on her and her actions. She said something, that hurted you, and now, you revenge through your angry and cut her off from your life...

Anyway you took the other path, and now, you have to live with the conseguences. But now, don't even think to talk or call her again, otherwise you will look like a dog and a weak person in her eyes.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by adwnis

:confused: hi everyone i'm new here and i want immediately some answers...i was in a relationship with this girl back home for 1,5 years.we loved each other but sometimes cause i was jealous i made her cry and she didnt know what to do..she loved a lot and i loved her too.
this year i came to uk for studies..at first we didnt speak very good to each other ans suddenly she told me she wanted a break to our relationship to leave her some space to think..but cause i loved her i didnt want to leave her alone thats the problem and she was speakink awaful to me..one week ago she told me she met a guy and that they talk very friendly..and because i was jealous i was saying but things to her and as a result she told me not to call her again..she tells me that she loves me but its difficult for her the distance and that i am jealous and she said that she wont do anything with the other guy and want me to leave her alone...its been one week i dont eat,i cry a lot and dont know what to do..she called me today to see how am i but she said to me she doesnt want to be together she likes her life now that shes alone
my questions are why shes saying that she loves me and doesnt want to be with me...
what if i give her some space and then falls in love with the other guy..i dont know what to think anymore
please help me tell me what to do..i love her

---

We have the same story, me and you...
Just that I'm a girl, and he is a boy. I'm trying not to be jealous of him, but after he told me he felt no connection, didn't know if to continue our relation, I feels so bad about anything he says... and get hurt for nothing... and now he started to date a lot of girls, even. While we kept together...