Ask Me Help Desk - My boyfriend goes clubbing 2 times a week!

Hey everyone, was hoping to get some response from you on this one as I`m about to make an important decision.

Maybe I`m in love and are too blind to see the truth, or maybe I`m in love and just paranoid of losing him! Would be nice to hear other opinions.
See, I`ve been with my man for about 9 months now, we just moved in together and are becoming quite serious, the relationship is great. I`m 24 and he will turn 24 soon. When I first met him, he used to go clubbin almost every night. Now, he goes out 1-3 times a week, always telling me that he will stop but he doesn`t. I know what clubbin is about; drinking, smoking, dancing and flirting. And it was a period when we were on a short break where I found a photo taken in a club where he held around a girl`s waste (on facebook), which made me very paranoid. I don`t know what he`s doing when he`s in the club, he could be flirting with every girl in there for all that I know of! But anyway, he always comes home to me though... About 5 o`clock in the morning!

I used to go clubbing a couple times a week too, but it sort of destroyed the relationship, as he`s jealous too, so I stopped for the last 4 months. He doesn`t want me to go out clubbin, but he want to go out and flirt with other women(!? ) while I`m waiting for him at home!

I`m a bit of a controlling/jealous person in a relationship, and I can`t even sleep at night while he`s out.. And it`s really starting to make me depressed, cause I go through a lot of stress because of this, and I don`t think I deserve to be treated this way. I want to go out and have fun with my friends too, but I`m scared that he will stop trusting me. Because when I used to go out clubbin every weekend, he didn`t treat me as good as he does now because he didn`t trust me much. I know it sounds crazy. But he is very good to me in every other way, I know that the feelings we have for each other is real. He told me several times that I`m the first woman he has ever loved in his life, he has done a lot for me and all his friends calls him whipped.. (hehe).. I know he cares a lot.

I have talked to him about this many times. He says that he will stop going clubbin, but he doesn`t. He has even admitted that he flirts sometimes, because that`s just the way he talks, but he will never cheat. I say, why play with fire.. I don`t think it`s acceptable!

This is getting too long now, better get to the point.

This is so stressful for me, that I`m thinking of breaking up cause I can`t take this no more. Right now, he`s out clubbing and I won`t be able to sleep before he comes back to me.

Or should I start going clubbin too and see what happens?

Ladies, If you were me, what would you do?
And I would like to see the guys opinion too, what do you think guys?

I would go out. Why should he get to control you and you not have a say so in what he does? It's not right. I wouldn't like it either if my husband went out clubbin and grabbing other girls and flirting. I think if he is really cerious about you and wants to be with you that he should respect you enough not to go out clubbin. There are other things he can go do with his buddies. I wouldn't waist my time at home when he is out having fun. Go out girl and have some fun too.

When he says he's going out, let him go then around 1am or something you show up at the club and see what he's up to!! If he gets mad just say ohhh I was going to surprise you hunny I was bored at home all alone.. heheehe!

Well going out 3 times a week is hardly healthy is it? Does he not have a job to hold down?

Perhaps good communication will help?

Also if you don't like it the door is near by. Unfortunately we can't allways change a persons behaviour. Why not try doing your own thing for a while, which gets your BF more interested.

I think that you should just go out and do what you want to do just like he does. It seems like you've made a lot of sacrifices for him but he hasn't done likewise for you. Evidently you're not the only one with jealousy/control issues. If you invest more in this relationship than you get out of it you're going to end up getting burned. I'd back off for a while and spend more time with your friends and doing your own thing. I won't tell you flat-out to break up with him but it might come down to that.

Why is pretty girls/women always attracted to "badboys" and vice versa? I just don`t understand! Is it because the badboy is shallow? Is it because the pretty woman want more testosterone?. hmm..

Most girls like a-holes when young.
Why?
They pose no potential of commitment. They do not want that as they follow biological wiring to test many "suitors..."
Or if they had a bad relationship with parents (esp. father) they like them when older.
And "Hot" girls get the guys they want - even if not the best for them.

So, pretty girls get what they want - for now.
Bit in the long run, they look for a guy they can connect with
(or pays their bills if shallow or lazy) and then go for him... if not too late and working on divorce #1.

What you`re saying makes sense...

Hello people, I have some "good news"... I have experimented a bit now...

It`s been a couple of weeks now since I posted my question, and after I read your opinions and did a little thinking myself, I decided to take "revenge" on him...

About a week ago, a few friends of mine wanted me to go out clubbing with them so I put on the sexiest/nicest dress I have, did my hair and make-up and was ready to party! Of course, my boyfriend was NOT happy about it and he got really anxious when he watched me getting ready. Hehe.. But I told him "I warned you about this, and you had it coming, the way you`ve been acting lately.." He couldn`t say anything, the way he had been going out lately... He just said "Let me know which club you gonna go to"..

So I went out with my girls, had a drink or two, and I got a lot of attention from other men(not that it`s something to brag about, but I kind of felt that my boyfriend deserved this.. ) Around 1am I could suddenly see my boyfriend in the club, watching me! He approached me, and looked quite insecure, even nervous. One of my friends got a bit angry with me "why did you have to bring him here?", but I didn`t ask him to come! He said to me that he wanted me to get home safely, but I think he was there for selfish reasons..

Well, my friends went home earlier, and I was stuck with my boyfriend standing in the corner. He was sober, tired and didn`t want to be there so he kind of killed my mood. He had gone there with a few friends, and as soon as he turned his back at me to say something to a friend, guys came to talk to me. My boyfriend got really jealous, to a point where he almost got into a fight, cause a guy pinched my waist. And there was another guy in the club that has fancied me for years, and he`s quite good looking too, and my boyfriend knows about him and my B.F. freaked out when he saw him, he even started to shout at me which he never had done before(And I don`t think I deserved to be shouted at)! Looked like he was going to have a nervous breakdown! Because the other guy told me that night "I still love you, and it hurts me to see you with your boyfriend"... And I told my B.F what the guy told me.. it kind of slipped out of me and it sure drove my man crazy.

So, to make a long story short, my man was "tortured" all night, by men that tried to chat me up, even in front of HIM. He tried his best to chase them away, my poor boyfriend.. and he kept repeating the same line: "I just wana go home!" Think it was sort of a nightmare for him yes.. But he deserved it!

AFTER THAT NIGHT MY BOYFRIEND HASN`T GONE OUT EVEN ONCE, HE DIDN`T EVEN GO TO HIS FRIENDS BIRTHDAY PARTY ON SATURDAY. HE TOLD ME THAT HE WANTS TO STOP GOING CLUBBING AND DRINKING COMPLETELY.

Sometimes revenge does help, it gives a wake-up call for the person who is doing you wrong and makes them realise how it feels when the tables has turned. I`m so happy I went out, and I`m glad I don`t have to worry anymore that he`s out drinking in the club without me. I`m not going to trap him in the house every night, but to go out 2 nights a week is unacceptable. Lets just hope it stays this way or else I just have to do it again!

Oh my God. It feels like I was reading my story. Me and My husband got married 8 months ago and we are experiencing the same problems. I will definitely try that on him, hopefully it changes things for better...

Wow, your story has inspired me. I am 18 and my boyfriend is 20. He is always out clubbing and never once has aked me to come with. He say's its because he will have a bad night as he knows how other guys are. I do understand how this could be the case but it is really hurting our relationship manly because I am at home waiting for him to call and wondering what he is doing. It makes me so so angry. I think I am going to find my own groove haha and start spending more time with my friends :)... see what happens