My best friend and I have been really close now for the past 2 years, and we absoutely love hanging out together, no matter what we do! She's hilarious, and always makes me feel better when I'm angry or sad, but there's one HUGE problem that I really hate about her personality... she's extremely racist, and I'm nothing at all like that! For example, when we were hanging out at my house during a sleepover, we decided to learn the "Soulja Boy" dance, which we both really think is cool! But the person who wrote it and was teaching the instructional video was colored, and my friend was imitating his voice the whole time. What really bothered me, though, was how she stuck out her lip, smiled, and said, "N***er"! Then she looked at me, laughing. I didn't say anything, and I kept a straight face. I absolutely hate racist jokes... they are SO not funny at all, and it's horrible how people think they are!! Also, when we were doing a school project in communication arts, called a timeline, I was thinking about using Martin Luther King Jr. When I told her, she said, "Oh. Well, my mom marked Martin Luther King Jr. day on the calendar with 'So what'?" That REALLY ticked me off! SO WHAT? You bet so what! He changed the whole human nature for the better so we are who we are today! That's ridiculous! I can't stand how she says things like that. So I really value her great attributes as a friend, but I almost feel like her racism is bringing us way farther apart. I will stand up for what I think, because I know that's the right thing to do, but what should I do about our friendship? I'm thinking it's not really politcally correct to push my beliefs on her, but is that the only to keep her from acting like this? Thanks for the help!

tkdgal ♥

You can't change someone, but you can talk to her about how you believe all people are equal and you wish that she would not make racist jokes or comments around you because you value her friendship and you understand that she's free to do as she wishes, but it bothers you and you don't want to hear the racism or be around it.

You can be honest with her and just come out and say as much as you love her as your friend, you do not love her racist comments, jokes, sneers, and attitudes. You have a major difference with her and it is not likely to change. She is learning this at home and home is reinforcing her behavior. She does not see the need to change. This is really sad, really very sad for her. I imagine she goes to church with her family too and listens to the minister's sermons about compassion and understanding and acceptance.

Now it is possible that once you talk to her, that she does listen to you. Hopefully she will think about your friendship. If she values your friendship as much as you do, she can see the need to change her outlook. Racists can change. Often it takes some traumatic event when the racism is that embedded. But you put the kernel of change in her head and heart. Being strong is not easy but you cannot just be in that relationship without some of it rubbing off on you. It is like the story of the little girl all dressed up and then goes out to play and gets all dirty. The clean did not repel the dirty but the dirty created a disaster for the dress.

Do not worry about political correctness here. That is part of what is wrong with many people. Sooooooooo worried about offending someone who is offensive. Call it as you see it. Be prepared to walk away from the friendship. When you tell her exactly how you feel and she says, "forget it" - do not stay. That will only reinforce what she is doing.

Good luck to you.

Just come out and tell her. I'm sure she won't do it anymore when she realized it bothers you. Tell her you love everything else about her, except that. It sounds like her mom may have influenced her beliefs. Hopefully, as she gets older, she will realize the foolishness of those ideas. You can set a good example for her, but don't expect her to change her beliefs, at least not right now. Hope this helps!

It sounds like she comes from a racist family. A lot of racist people are that way because they have only seen the negative part of a race. Only recently has television begun to wander away from stereotypes.

When my brother was in kindergarten a few years ago, he came running out of a bathroom at the fair crying because a "gangster" was in there. It was just an average black guy, but in an honestly 97-98% white town, with the only view of a black person being a TV full of episodes of "COPS" and shows with black gangs, what was he supposed to think? My other brothers laughed at him and called him a racist, but TV really did make him scared of black people so much that he cried and ran away.

I'm glad that shows on Nickelodeon and Disney channel are now challenging stereotypes because it is really important for children. Shows like "Dora The Explorer" and "Cory In The House" will have a huge impact on our society when our kids grow up and become the decision makers.

Sure there are rotten apples in the black community, but I recommend that you show your friend the spectrum of her own race.
On one end we have this YouTube - Perlman in Russia- Bazzini
And on the other end :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_HCM7dpkOc (must watch all)

That really stinks about your friend if she is a REALLY close friend just try talking to her and saying that all those raciest things hurt your feelings if she's a good friend she will value your friendship with her and respect that and maybe change. But if she's more of like an aquitance then you should still try and tell her how you feel and if she doesn't want to listen the only last reliable source is to stop talking to her.

Hope everything works out for the better!

This topic is 2 weeks old, please don't post on oldish threads if they've been answered already, especially if you're saying basically the same thing the other people have said.

Hi, I am real sorry to bother you, my mom and dad are Indian.
I know many times people have beliefs that they hold strongly and
It is not always easy for them to change their beliefs - maybe
Because their parents, who did many things for them held the same
Beliefs.

I hope even though it is hard to hear your friend's comments, that
You never give up on them, because if your friend had grown up
In a different environment, she might not have had the same beliefs,
And she must believe in her mind that she is being responsible?

God bless,

I totally understand your point of view and how you feel! My best friend is not a racist but she does make fun of black people sometimes and says the "n" word when she's angry. I get really mad but there's no point in arguing with her because she's like I'm sorry but she will repeat it. She is always stereotyping everyone but she sounds really stupid when she does it. I feel like it's the ignorant people who does it. She's like why is it OK for black people to call each other the "n" word but not us White people. I'm like, have you ever even associated with a black person so, why would it even matter? You only want to say it to be mean! Plus, she knows that white people used to call blacks that in the slave era so, that word is very hurtful! Morevoer, I am Indian so, she thinks it's OK to make fun of all other races since I do not fit in that category. Whenever she quotes my mom, she has to use that Indian accent all the time. I'm like do you have to mimick my mom like that? She just says sorry and laugh... Then somehow, she watched Slumdog Millionaire and she can only make stupid comments and I do not want to even justify myself. I am like you never stepped in India, I'm the only Indian person you know and it's not like I share my culture with her anyway because she's so close minded. So, please don't generalize and stereotype but, it's impossible with her! So, yeah I do understand how you feel! I've known this girl for 14 years and besides this problem, she has been a good friend. So, it's really difficult for me to close ties with her!!

Have you considered trying racism yourself? I have heard of people suppressing their own racist urges and turning that energy into anger toward others. Bt maybe you should stay away from this friend if it doesn't seem to be worth listening to her racist beliefs. At the end of the day, even if you aren't interested in taking part in your friend's culture, it is best to have a healthy respect for the beliefs of others, no matter how different their culture may seem! For example, you should ask yourself if your friend were a muslim, or hindu, or a christian, and you belonged to a different religion, would you let that get in the middle of your friendship?

-Pam