Ask Me Help Desk - Girlfriend needs a break

Okay here is my situation... I have been dating a girl named Kristin for four years. We are the best of friends. I treated her so well.. vacations, dinners, manners, etc. All of a sudden over the past three weeks she has been acting diiferently. A lack of affection, she seems to have lost interest in being romantic almost having me asking about sex. I have been trying to figure out what is going through her head. She has just been acting unhappy and she has had lots of stress at work. Our sex life wasn't always great and we both had diffucluties at times.Our relationship has been awesome up until recently. We never have fought before and this is why her asking for a break for a few weeks has hit me so hard.She says the problem was a lack of physical chemistry and she wasn't sure if it was something she could change or not. She said that she needs to take some time to be selfish and evaluate herself where she is at. When breaking up with me she also said that I was a fantastic boyfriend and that I deserved much better treatment than she was giving me(ex:being romantic more, showing affection, the things couples do) She also said that it was not right of her to do this to me that there are certain things a girlfriend should want to do for a boy. She felt as though she needed to figure out when she started to act this way and why. She was emotional at the time of the breakup and said that it was hard to take a break but she needed it.I found it hard as she told me to call her if I needed to call her.I tried to call and beg and plead for her to work out whatever issues we have together but I keep getting I need time before letting me know if things can be worked out. What do I do ?I called her a bunch of times after and texted I miss you those kind of things.Why is she doing this to me?

Ok your on a 'break'? The term used loosley. That means your relationship is over as far as she's concerned. She has all the power whilst you sit around in doom and gloom. Give her what she wants and become the happy, bubbly person you once were before the relationship. No contact until she says to you directly can we talk face to face. I am sorry, bla bla etc.

Concentrate on you and improve yourself. Get out and about, don't sit about. I suggest you look at the top two stickies.

Got to back off buddy!

NO MATTER how it hurts you got to give her the space. ANYTHING you saytoher now will hurt you. In some cases, girls will stay away but remember the good times,but in order to see that they need to live life w/o you for awhile, if you push she will run, you got to be strong.

If she is leaving and not coming back than whatever you say will not change that, its up to her now, I know it sucks but it may work itself out!

Well it has been a week since we took a break and 2 days since we haven't talked. Iwas surprised and received a call from her today. We discussed maybe getting together to see a movie. I told her we don't have to talk about the problems, just go out and enjoy each other company and see what happens. Lets hope this is the right approach.

I hope things work out, but until she says she wants you back, give her some space. She recognises there is a problem and wants to fix it. She sounds pretty smart to me.

We left off as me saying for her to give me a call later and she said maybe.I said no problem enjoy your day. Should I text her with a thank you for calling or let her call me again when she's ready?

Do nothing. Get busy...

Don't answer next time HELL she wants a break and your calling her...

Get busy living lkife and she will be back. Next time she calls and mentions a movie say your busy. Don't worry leave her at home alone she is only using you that's why she asked for the break then wants to see a movie. Your moving on don't fall into her trap. Let her be confused while you move on.

The post ash123 provided is good to read. The link embedded in the body of the post leads to the main page. Click on the link in the signature.

I'm going through the same thing after a relationship of 2 years. Go No Contact with her, the sooner you stop thinking about her or analyzing the situation, the sooner you can start healing. There are no answers, and if you try to find them and keep contacting her, you will not be happy.

Everyone is going to tell you, go no contact, get busy, working, working out, hobbies, friends. It's going to be tough, but you will be OK, just like the rest of us. It will take time, and have your good and bad days. You are not alone. We are there for you.

The thing is that she says she loves me still and is just at a point in life where she needs to figure herself out. She is not a calous person and I believe in her calling me that there is something still there. She says that she has not taken down any of our memories and that she is not going anywhere. Why is it that women are so damn confused all the time. The hardest part is that we are the best of friends and everything just feels so right when were together. She obviously wants to work things out regardless of whether she says it or not. Maybe she just needs time. Every situation is different and I hope that we can reconcile.Im sure at 25 the pressure of a guy talking about moving a step further must have scared her and made her feel too much pressure and this may be my fault for mentioning it so damn much. I don't know. Sometimes life sucks. For her to just call me up after telling me that she needs space even confuses me more. Now she texts me back and we talked again for a few minutes.I think from today on I will make no contact with her until she calls again. I just hate waiting for the final answer from her on whether things can be worked out or not. This is a girl I feel like I want to spend the rest of my life with and we have had such good times that I hope maybe she will see those and make the right decision.

Quote:

Originally Posted by John3977

The thing is that she says she loves me still and is just at a point in life where she needs to figure herself out. She is not a calous person and I believe in her calling me that there is something still there. She says that she has not taken down any of our memories and that she is not going anywhere. Why is it that women are so damn confused all the time. The hardest part is that we are the best of friends and everything just feels so right when were together. She obviously wants to work things out regardless of wether she says it or not. Maybe she just needs time. Every situation is different and I hope that we can reconcile.Im sure at 25 the pressure of a guy talking about moving a step further must have scared her and made her feel to much pressure and this may be my fault for mentioning it so damn much. I don't know. Sometimes life sucks. For her to just call me up after telling me that she needs space even confuses me more. Now she texts me back and we talked again for a few minutes.I think from today on I will make no contact with her until she calls again. I just hate waiting for the final answer from her on wether things can be worked out or not. This is a girl I feel like I want to spend the rest of my life with and we have had such good times that I hope maybe she will see those and make the right decision.

I feel for you. Me and my ex were together for the same amount of time. For us timing was a big issue. I went through a tornado in my personal life as soon as we got together. Lost my best friends and my brother in the same 12 month period. It was very stressful for both of us. I love her to death still today and miss her but I know the time apart is for both of us. I needed to get my head on straight just as much as she did. She actually did me a favor a HUGE favor. I realized allot of the things and it helped me focus. I can't say I wouldn't take her back I am sure I would right now. However I have several things I would want addressed. I don't really think too much into us getting back together I know that what we had was special. I know how special it was for me but I don't know if it is a 100 percent mutual. Maybe she has other plans and I am not included. I don't know. But the fear of not knowing is what is gone now. Good Luck!

PLEASE read my survival guide.

It does not say to kill yourself - but rather to sit back and let them have space and communicate when the time comes - in the right way.

The only way to get what you want is to be polite and stay away.
If she wants to talk, keep it brief and polite. You don't have to act like she is dead necessarily. I had a girl break up one time and I said "fine. that's that..." (it wasn't - she came back a month later) and when we reunited she said if I had responded to her she would not have dated anyone during our break, if I had called her back...

WHAAA?? The point is - don't try to figure it out... it's just biology... they want to be chased. Then when caught, they want to chase... yawn. So. Let them. Look at the squirrels in your backyard... they do the same... LOVE is the equalizer... they calm down when they realize it... don't sweat this man... if she's the one - cool... enjoy your time off. If she ain't - she has to live with the guilt of being the breaker - not you.

Anyway man, it's woman logic... just let 'em runnnnn... they'll stop and think at some point... and you can see then.

I think you should just leave her alone, give her the space she needs. Don't call her, she'll call you, if it gets to be too sressful for you tell her not to call you anymore until she knows she wants. But don't you intiate any conversation.

An update on the situation... She called me on Monday night and we talked for a while.She seemed liked her mood was improving and we taked about things. She still needs time and I told her that I want her to be happy and that I would give her whatever time she needed to figure things out.I told her that I love her and that she was the love of my life and she said she loved me too. I hope things work out in the end. I guess it's a case of wait and see.

Good luck. But when the waiting gets to be too much, put and end to it.