Hi, me and my husband have almost been married for 5 years. Last year we split up and a result of that we both got with other people. I became pregnant with a nother mans baby and he says he fell in love with a nother woman. We have continued to talk and be friends. We still tell each other that we love and miss one another. He has forgave me for the baby and I am willing to forgive him for her. I want to make my marriage work and he thinks it can but he doesn't want to break up with her. He has told me that he doesn't want to get a divorce because he still loves and cares for me. He won't choose between us and says he doesn't want to hurt one of us. It has been almost a year and he can't make up his mind. I don't want to give up on us and I want to do the right thing. How long do I wait and who do you think he should be with me or her?
:( :confused:

Wake up, wake up. He loves the other woman and he loves you and the poor guy just cannot make up his mind. Make his mind up for him already and take the next step to file for divorce. You can make your life on your own - without a man. Part of your problem is that you have not stood on your own.

What I think about where he should be is of no consequence here. I think you would be better off without him. You both are guilty of adultery. While I know that does not mean much in today's society, it still is there. Why would be go to be with you, when you carrying another man's child? He would be responsible for the child's upbringing and care and all that goes with the child for at least the next 18 years. You said he forgave you, he most likely did. That does not mean he wants to jump back in and be the surrogate Dad. Think about it.

So be strong. Many women before you have been the single Mom and done quite well. You have the biologcal father to collect child support from for the next 18 years - do it. It is not for you, but for your child. Part of accepting responsibility and owning up to the consequences. Your child deserves the best you can give. It would not hurt if you went to some counseling. I am sure you are sad and confused. But honestly, your husband is not going to be the man of the hour for you. He has his choice made. The other woman. Do not wait around hoping for what is not likely to happen. Be your own controller of your destiny. Give that baby all the love and care the baby deserves.

Marriage is between two people not three

Im sorry to say this but it does sound like he wants to have his cake and eat it, time to move on.

Ber721,

What marriage are you referring to? The one where you both broke your vows in and killed the marriage?

You, will have a child to deal with as a result of your actions. That means you will also have the father of the baby to contend with as well as his parents (Grandparents) or are you planning on not telling the father he is a father.

Here is a real story for you to consider, It is my story of an early Saturday morning and a phone ringing. I pick up the phone and it's my son's ex (he said she was an ex girl friend).

She wants to know if my son had told me she was pregnant? I said no. Then she said did he tell you I had a baby girl? I said no and asked if I call her back.

I get back in bed and my lady sleepily asks me what the call was about? I tell her who it was and that she wanted to know if you knew you were a grandmother? Literally, with that my wife cleared the bed and stuck to the ceiling. After I scraped her down, in between smacks and what not, she asked what in the H*** I was doing. I said to her, well if you are a grandmother, that means I'm a grandfather and I have to sneak up on that one!

And so began our relationship with my granddaughter. We went to see her that night and the darling owned me completely just by blinking at me. It took the two idiots three years to finally work out paternity. By that time it would not have mattered to us who the daddy was. We loved the little girl! The little girl is now 15. What a joy in my life she is!

So I ask you, have you planned exactly how your relationship with the father of the baby is going to be like and how it will impact the relationship with the "Light of your former life?"

I suggest that you move on with your life and thank the Good Lord for the gift you are going to have. Focus on the relationship with the child's father. As I said earlier, the both of you killed that marriage already!

This is sad. I can't believe that he would tell you, in your face, that he loves her. That is total disrespect and I strongly question his love for you. He sounds like he doesn't care about you or your feelings he couldn't give crap!You got your answer there. What you should do is have an affair with someone who makes you happy. Don't do it to spite him. Do it to make yourself happy. The person must be 100% better than him especially financially. If possible he must also be married. Believe you me when you feel stressed you are going to call your "friend" and he will take all your worries away. Remember, you must really like this guy. This guy must be the kind of guy who is there for you not only sexually if you want, to but also emotionally. Believe you me you will cope much better. That is the way life is today. Don't stress if you have to sleep with them on the same day, double parking is allowed! Be smart about it. Women, we can hide stuff like this much better than men can. So be very descreet. You have to keep making him thinking that you are his fool. Or else, just leave and give them a chance to be happy together. Lets see if he won't cheat on her or if she will allow him to breath, leave his site. Ever heard people saying don't marry your mistress! You will kak yourself because she knows your every trick!

This is a question from 2007 - there are other more recent questions along the same line that could use your input.

An affair never justifies an affair - you are recommending that this person involve a third person for the purpose of getting even? Makes her look worse than her husband.

Bad advice, indeed.