Ask Me Help Desk - Self Esteem

Okay for those who have talked to me I'm sure I give off as a person who is completely sure of herself, truth being I'm really not. I smile all the time and talk and act as sure of myself as I can but inside I always analyze everything I do and find everything bad before I find the good. My boyfriend, Jamie, has raised it some, I'm more positive about my looks he actually has me believing I'm good looking (still don't think I'm beautiful but... ya). Anyway I still don't think people take me seriously, I still don't believe I'm all that smart, and there's just so much I can't do. Even when I do something right I still nit pick it. I just had a choir music concert and even though my teacher said I did very well I still kept looking back on my singing and thinking I did everything wrong. The only thing I'm completely sure I do right is my writing (poetry mainly I nit pick my books all the time no matter how good people say they are). How do I raise myself esteem? Like I said my boyfriend has made me a lot less self conscious about my looks but everything else I'm still having issues about... Help?

I would like to discuss your situation with you. I have been a music teacher for many years. I am also involved with and very interested in anything that concerns the arts.

There are also a number of people on this site who are also like you concerning self-esteem who are also very involved in the arts, like poetry, music, dance, drawing, painting, photography, etc. We seem to have our own little corner on this site, where we try to support each other in various ways as much as we can.

The link is here: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/art/ar...133294-48.html

If you do go to the link, please don't be intimidated by the number of posts there are already on the thread. All are welcome!

I am inviting you to participate. Please come and join us!

I'm bi and I used to be wiccan and trust me I can totally relate to you. Myself esteem used to be blah, mostly because of my father and I have moved 12 times. I know what its like, almost as if it feels as if you have to be uber critical because everyone is critical on you. But you see, you need to open up. Self esteem is like a writers block, 'til you find that idea that breaks it, your stuck.

Good luck love... Cara

Quote:

Originally Posted by BiWiccanAndProud

Okay for those who have talked to me I'm sure I give off as a person who is completely sure of herself, truth being I'm really not. I smile all the time and talk and act as sure of myself as I can but inside I always analyze everything I do and find everything bad before I find the good. My boyfriend, Jamie, has raised it some, I'm more positive about my looks he actually has me believing I'm good looking (still don't think I'm beautiful but... ya). Anywho I still don't think people take me seriously, I still don't believe I'm all that smart, and there's just so much I can't do. Even when I do something right I still nit pick it. I just had a choir music concert and even though my teacher said I did very well I still kept looking back on my singing and thinking I did everything wrong. The only thing I'm completely sure I do right is my writting (poetry mainly I nit pick my books all the time no matter how good people say they are). How do I raise my self esteem? Like I said my boyfriend has made me alot less self concious about my looks but everything else I'm still having issues about... Help?

Hi there!
I see a lot of myself in what you have just shared. The truth is that everyone has insecurities in some areas but they too, come across sure of themselves. I use to want to fall through a crack in the floor most of my early life but my stubborn would kick in and I was talkative, laughing a lot, stood my ground on issues I felt were important and a lot of times, stood alone. Later in life, after much searching, received self-acceptance and a self love I never had. My performance didn't change, just how I felt inside of myself about myself. Sometimes what is considered pretty in one part of the world is not in another. Everything is relative. I love looking at people's bone structure and find beauty in that. The eyes open one up to be loved. If you think about the people you think are pretty and secure, look at them with different eyes. Are they physically beautiful by the world's standards or do you think they are beautiful because they laugh and make you feel good and are kind hearted and that makes them pretty. Are they self-assured? When you get right down to visiting with others, most will admit some of the same feelings. People are always shocked when they learn I ever had a self-esteem problem but it is because I love people and if you work on what your heart says is pretty, others will see that beauty in you. More importantly, you will begin to see the beauty in you! I would suggest to concentrate on the things you know you can do and try to improve on other areas one at a time. We are all pretty much the same, just people. Some are kinder than others, some love easily, some shut themselves off. I lived in California for a while and there are sea anenomes, if I spelled that right, that come up at low tide on the beach. When you see them, they actually are brown and sort of look like (forgive the description) but dog doo but when the water moves in, they begin opening up and have the most brilliantly bright tentacles of pink, blue, all colors. You would not recognize them as the same you saw at low tide. They were out of their element (the water) so they close up and become brown yukkies!! LOL In their element, they are brilliant and beautiful. We all have times we feel not so beautiful and not as smart or as talented as the next person but we must realize our worth as a human being and what we can offer others. I visited with a girl on the beach about that very thing because she shared she did not think she was pretty. I encouraged her to open herself up to others. It sounds like you offer great things to those around you. Clough invited you to an art link. I would encourage you to view it. I am fairly new to the site and he invited me to view the link. It has been so uplifting and the people have been so warm. We all need comfort zones, that's for sure, from time to time. I think you will find that there.

While it is great that your boyfriend helps to make you feel prettier than you felt before, boyfriends do come and go and that is the reality of things. He has seen beauty in you and now you must allow yourself to see it in yourself. I believe in you. By reaching out to find answers, you will find them and you will become what you are desiring to be. I believe it is already in you. Please visit us at the thread Clough invited you to view.

Clough will tell you I am long winded... I type like I talk... a lot! Hope to see you on the thread.

I try to see myself as others do but... no matter what I do I think everyone is over exageratting. I can easily find the beauty in things others don't... everyone says I'm to nice cause I will stand up for almost anybody and help anyone with their problems. I think I'm too nice myself.

The thing is... I've been picked on my entire life... and so when I look in the mirror at the end of the day... I almost never see the good things about myself that people say are there. That I'm smart, creative, an artist... beautiful. I don't see any of that. My mind rushes back to all the negative stuff said to me that day and even stuff said years ago an that will over run everything. I see a dumb, self centered, annoying, over talkative, too hyper, fat, too loud person. After a while of sitting there I'll smile cause all the good stuff will come and push all the bad back. I'll think of my picture I'm painting in art class, how well my book is going, think of the compliments my boyfriend gives me, I'll think of Mrs.Huston who tells me I'm the smartest in my english class. But none the less I see all the bad before I see the good.

I smile all day to keep every emotion back and let it out when I get home in verious different ways. Sometimes I'll get home at the end of the day and just lay down and cry... no one knows just how much I do that. Sometimes I sit down and I'll release every emotion through writing poetry and meditate. Sometimes I'll go to my boyfriend and cry on his shoulder and him holding me chases everything away. And every once and a while I'll go into my room and hurl things across my room and scream in a pillow.

As for my boyfriend, I love him so much and he's the only thing besides my writing that keeps me sane. He's talked about wanting to marry me and that alone raises myself esteem. Just knowing that someone needs me as much as he does... knowing that someone really does love me (I've had some pretty bad relationships).

Lol wow does anyone else think I sound emo? Sorry... I tend to let the writter in me out when I release my emotions... I guess that's what using poetry as an escape route gets me huh? Some of that was probably even pointless to the conversation... I just needed to say it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BiWiccanAndProud

I try to see myself as others do but... no matter what I do I think everyone is over exageratting. I can easily find the beauty in things others don't... everyone says I'm to nice cause I will stand up for almost anybody and help anyone with their problems. I think I'm too nice myself.

The thing is... I've been picked on my entire life... and so when I look in the mirror at the end of the day... I almost never see the good things about myself that people say are there. That I'm smart, creative, an artist... beautiful. I don't see any of that. My mind rushes back to all the negative stuff said to me that day and even stuff said years ago an that will over run everything. I see a dumb, self centered, annoying, over talkative, too hyper, fat, too loud person. After a while of sitting there I'll smile cause all the good stuff will come and push all the bad back. I'll think of my picture I'm painting in art class, how well my book is going, think of the compliments my bf gives me, I'll think of Mrs.Huston who tells me I'm the smartest in my english class. But none the less I see all the bad before I see the good.

I smile all day to keep every emotion back and let it out when I get home in verious different ways. Sometimes I'll get home at the end of the day and just lay down and cry... no one knows just how much I do that. Sometimes I sit down and I'll release every emotion through writting poetry and meditate. Sometimes I'll go to my bf and cry on his shoulder and him holding me chases everything away. And every once and a while I'll go into my room and hurl things across my room and scream in a pillow.

As for my boyfriend, I love him so much and he's the only thing besides my writting that keeps me sane. He's talked about wanting to marry me and that alone raises my self esteem. Just knowing that someone needs me as much as he does... knowing that someone really does love me (I've had some pretty bad relationships).

lol wow does anyone else think I sound emo? Sorry... I tend to let the writter in me out when I release my emotions... I guess that's what using poetry as an escape route gets me huh? Some of that was probably even pointless to the conversation... I just needed to say it.

Thank you for your note. I think the reason you find beauty where others sometimes don't is because of your sensitive spirit and that is also why you will stand up for others but because you don't have a really strong self-love, you probably will stand up for others to the nth degree but not so much for yourself as you don't feel worthy. If this sounds familiar, it is because I use to feel that same way. Sometimes, a person feels selfish if they stand up for themselves but find it easy and almost mandatory to stand up for friends. I may be wrong here but I would imagine part of going home in the evening and at the end of the day, feeling like crying and reliving the negatives of the day is because you have expounded so much of your energy on making others feel safe, happy, and accepted (you do this because you are a kind person but also because you are trying to give to everyone what you desire in your life to feel, believe and experience) that you have no energy left at the end of the day for you. You are just spent. After you are home for a bit, get a little rested, you have more perspective and can remember the good things of the day, your positive moments.

You are fortunate to have people who share with you the positives about yourself. It sounds as though you have many people in your life and on the web that believe in you. We all make choices each day all day long. We have the choice to believe in the person we know ourselves to be or to tear ourselves down. Ultimately, the choice is yours. It may not come in a few days or months. When you have a negative thought about yourself, I challenge you to just say "NO, that is not truth." and then say one positive thing about yourself. I don't have all the answers but I do know habits are difficult to break and we can get into a circle of thought that is difficult to break.

Releasing your emotions by writing is so healthy. I encourage you to continue doing that and keep a journal. We all need someone to share our hurts with sometimes. I am glad you have a boyfriend.

You are a person of value! Keep this on your mind always!

I'll keep what you said in mind jberl, and thanks for what you've said. To be truthful I started crying when I was reading both your posts cause no ones ever pegged me on the dot like that before. And I guess it's nice to know that someone out there feels like me... it's one thing for people to say and a whole nother to say everything you feel and say you understand.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BiWiccanAndProud

I'll keep what you said in mind jberl, and thanks for what you've said. To be truthful I started crying when I was reading both your posts cause no ones ever pegged me on the dot like that before. And I guess it's nice to know that someone out there feels like me... it's one thing for people to say and a whole nother to say everything you feel and say you understand.

I am glad I could share with you. Sometimes unless a person has gone through something similar, it is difficult for them to understand how another person feels. Some how, when we know others have gone through similar feelings, it just makes us feel not so alone in what we are experiencing. Like I said in the post, most everyone has insecurities and such but don't share it so they come across like they have it altogether! Just take a day at a time, be kind to yourself.