Okay, I've been with this girl for 4 months now. I'm 21 and she's 19, so she's younger than me.

One night early on, before we were an official relationship, we were laying in bed after sex and she was laying on me and out of nowhere she asked me how many girls I have had sex with - I didn't like the topic of conversation, but I told her the truth - 9, including her. Then I asked her how many guys she's been with, she said 5 other than me, so 6 including me. I felt kind of special, because I was less than my number - it seemed like a fairly low number given the times we live in now, so I really liked that.

Then one night after we were together, like maybe a month later or so, the topic of conversation came up again - and this time she says 7 guys other than me. I told her that she told me 5 last time and she was like "I never said that, I never said that" and we got into a really big argument about it, and she wound up calling her brother and getting him to come pick her up and she went home.

Then, this weekend, we were doing fine, she writes me this email - supposed to be a love letter, but she start talking about some past relationship - she was trying to explain how money doesn't matter to her (cuz that's an issue I worry about sometimes, with me being a broke college student and all) and she start talking about some past relationship she was in over a year ago with a guy that used to buy her a lot of stuff, but that didn't mean anything to her, because she didn't really love him or felt like he really loved her and the connection is totally different between us, and something clicked in my head, so I sat down and wrote a list of all the guys she's told me about and I get 11. So I call her and start asking her questions, "what was this guy's name? Did you have sex with him?" and sure enough it's 11 that she's admitting to now. She's insisting that it's only 11, but how can I know for sure? Not that it's a big deal, but she originally told me it was 5 other guys, now it's 10 other guys.. that's a big difference! She's basically been lying to me about this for 4 months - at the same time though, I kind of knew she was lying, because I would ask her stuff like "it's only 8 guys right?" and she would be like "uh huh, yeah" and quickly try to change the subject, so I'm honestly not surprised to

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Originally Posted by THATguy23

Okay, I've been with this girl for 4 months now. I'm 21 and she's 19, so she's younger than me.

One night early on, before we were an official relationship, we were laying in bed after sex and she was laying on me and out of nowhere she asked me how many girls I have had sex with - I didn't like the topic of conversation, but I told her the truth - 9, including her. Then I asked her how many guys she's been with, she said 5 other than me, so 6 including me. I felt kind of special, because I was less than my number - it seemed like a fairly low number given the times we live in now, so I really liked that.

Then one night after we were together, like maybe a month later or so, the topic of conversation came up again - and this time she says 7 guys other than me. I told her that she told me 5 last time and she was like "I never said that, I never said that" and we got into a really big argument about it, and she wound up calling her brother and getting him to come pick her up and she went home.

Then, this weekend, we were doing fine, she writes me this email - supposed to be a love letter, but she start talking about some past relationship - she was trying to explain how money doesn't matter to her (cuz that's an issue I worry about sometimes, with me being a broke college student and all) and she start talking about some past relationship she was in over a year ago with a guy that used to buy her a lot of stuff, but that didn't mean anything to her, because she didn't really love him or felt like he really loved her and the connection is totally different between us, and something clicked in my head, so I sat down and wrote a list of all the guys she's told me about and I get 11. So I call her and start asking her questions, "what was this guy's name? Did you have sex with him?" and sure enough it's 11 that she's admitting to now. She's insisting that it's only 11, but how can I know for sure? Not that it's a big deal, but she originally told me it was 5 other guys, now it's 10 other guys.. that's a big difference! She's basically been lying to me about this for 4 months - at the same time though, I kind of knew she was lying, because I would ask her stuff like "it's only 8 guys right?" and she would be like "uh huh, yeah" and quickly try to change the subject, so I'm honestly not surprised to

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Here is an inalienable piece of truth for you.

Who, why, what for, when, how and how many men your girlfriend slept with before you is none of your business and occurred during a part of her life that has nothing to do with you.

It is her prerogative and you have no right to be upset about it at all.

The same applies for her in relation to who and how many people you slept with before her.

She made the big deal out of it and now she is getting defensive over her not being truthful.
I think that any arguments you would get into with her you are going to have basically the same problem. Maybe you are better finding your #10.

If you aren't happy with how many men she has slept with and this is something very against your nature than perhaps your should seek a more conservative girl. Otherwise it will just eat at you. You have to be with someone that you are comfortable with. You can't hate her for who she is, she just has different ideals than you about that kind of thing.

This Is Why You Never Ask Those Questions!!

I have a friend who admitted to having slept with, say, 6 guys.. while in fact it was close to 50. Her boyfriend found the actual piece of paper with a complete listing of all the 40+ guys. I don't think they ever talked openly about it, but 'he knew that she knew and she knew that he knew' - well, in any case, they got over it, got married and lived happily ever after.

The point is, I guess it's no big deal, and there's much more important things than this. You ask such questions early in the relationship, and don't quite know whether to play virginal and innocent, or slutty and experienced. Also it depends on how you count it (oral sex? One-night-stand you barely remember? It's easy to have those fluctuating 2-3).

Also, nowadays we're all supposed to be very cool and open-minded and prejudice-free, but the truth is, some girls do feel like sleeping with several guys can be seen as 'slutty'. Maybe that's why she decided to play low at first.

I say just forget it. It was a lie, yes, but a stupid and meaningless one. I reckon we all lie a little from time to time. If you do love the girl, this lie isn't worth risking the relationship over.

NEVER ask a women how many people she slept with. 1 would be a bad answer unless it is 1 including you lol. I don't want to know. However there are situations where if you are friends with a girl before you 2 get together then that is different and I experienced that and I can honestly say it didn't bother me too much. Probably cause we were friends first.

I totally understand how this eats at you!

My g/f and I broke up because I could not let it go. She is 20 and she had slept with 11 guys, me being 11, I just thought that was too much and began asking all kinds of questions until the "you don't trust me"card was dealt and then it was over, so if not controlled this WILL kill the relationship.

As for the fact that her past in none of your business, I disagree with that. I mean there are more important issues in life for sure BUT a girls past is very relevant in knowing what you are getiing into. I mean 11-15-20 guys,obviously they have no issue meeting people and aren't shy, what worried me was if we do break up she would just go find another guy to make her feel better, that's not right and it hurts, I don't know this to be true but history indicates it won't be long. Soyes, sometimes you must be accountable for your past and realize that sleeping around casual may affect your current relationship.

She obviously wanted to know how many girls you have been with right? Sou answer truthfully and she backs off by saying 5, then 7, the 11 and so on, and if you make a dealout of it You're the one not trusting her and being inconsiderate, PU_LEASE!! Girls can't have everything, you want to act like a slut than don't get offended when someone calls you a slut, an alcoholic is an alcoholic because he drinks too much, BUT he admits it (hopefully) call a spade a spade, or the whole if it looks like a duck thing.

Sorry, this has a bit of my own situation involved in it but I do think you did what anyone who cares about his g/f would do and I'm on your side. I am not calling your girlfriend a slut (mine on the other hand?:) but I have been where you are and it just seems they can do no wrong, lie and then cover it up with you don't trust me, yeah right, what if she found out you lied?

Guess we care about these things because we care about girls that are with us y'know, I wuld like a girl to hold her hand in a malland have guys saying "man i wish i had that" NOT "man i hit that" LOL! Like I said,there are bigger things no doubt, but give us SOMETHING! I just feel as if men always get looked at as pigs and this and that and girls hide behind things, that's my word.

Do you know the guys? Did you know her when she date these men? The way I'm getting this no you don't. So therefore all those men are in the past! Don't worry about it that's one little lie and it's probably cause almost no girl wants to admit how many men they have slept with! If you like the girl stay with her. If every guy broke up with a girl cause she slept with a lot of people... then there would be a lot more singles out there then there already are!

Well, I'm in your girlfriend shoes, I guess...
My boyfriend's 22 and I'm 19. I was a virgin before being with him, though. However I had never had a boyfriend before, and had been with a common friend, in a friendship with benefits long before meeting my boyfriend. I gave a bj to that friend. I had also made out with two guys (at different times of course) I barely knew at parties just for fun.

My boyfriend asked me about the common friend. I didn't want to talk about it, because I've never felt comfortable talking about that with anyone, so I denied having had anything with the friend. However I was nervous, he asked again, and I told the truth. It's been 8 months since that (from the 14 months we've been together) and he's mad and doesn't trust me. I also lied repeatedly about the subject, because I felt uncomfortable and wanted to avoid it (I'm not proud of my past). Then came the subjetc of the other guys, and he gets mad that I was so "easy" according to him... oh well, he hasn't broken up with me and I don't know why!

But I love him... I know, we're not supposed to lie to our SO, but for us girls, these topics are uncomfortable. We know guys like to think they're the only ones to have ever touched us practically. So we kind of avoid having to talk about it... it's not really fair, but it's just like some things guys do too. We don't like being judged. Uncomfortable topics put unnecessary stress on relationships that work perfectly fine in the PRESENT.

For example, in my relationship, before my past entered the picture, the present I was living with my boyfriend was perfect. Ignorance is blissful in these cases. I never wanted to know of his past because I knew it would make things worse, now I know some things I wish I didn't (His ex is prettier, she cheated on him with his best friend and he forgave her and now they're friends). But have I got the right to be mad at him over decisions he made before dating me? No! I may not like some things he did, but he doesn't owe me anything.

Before you knew the real number, you were fine, right? Your girlfriend probably lied because she felt uncomfortable talking about it. It's not fair nor the right thing to do, but we all have a right to keep our privacy too. I know that now you're probably upset because you feel you can't trust her (that's what happens to my boyfriend). But it's simple, if you really like and want to trust her again, be patient and tell her that she'll need to put an effort regaining your trust. If you feel like you'll never trust her again, break up.

Yu guys have only been dating 4 months, you're sleeping together. You've had 9 she's had 11? Both of you have been around the block quite a few times and you're young.
At the rate you both have been going, it won't matter because you'll be with somebody else in a few months any way. So pee, or get off the pot. In other words, dump her or get over it.

That's the biggest problem with guys, also in my black list of what I hate about guys. They can just go out and have sex with as many girls that they want but when they find out their girlfriend has had sex with other guys, they go berserk.
I mean, SERIOUSLY?
Get Over It!