Why did it have to be me,
To go through this hell,
All I ever wanted was a life of my own,
Now I can’t even tell.
If this is a dream,
Or if I’m wide awake,
Everyday is so dark and twisted,
I don’t know how much more I can take.
You said you would always be there,
But where were you when I needed you most,
I can’t do this on my own,
Why do I feel like you’re a ghost.
This never ending torment,
Of always feeling like ,
Nothing can change it now,
I’m down from you lethal hit.
None of this makes any sense,
And none of this is fun,
I need someone to help me,
And stop me starring down this loaded gun.
I don’t want to be here anymore,
So one more cut I’ll make,
Waiting for the day it will all end,
And my precious life I’ll take.
Up until that day,
I'll screw my life up more,
Taking all those drugs,
And cutting like before.
No one can stop me,
This is what I was meant to do,
I guess I was supposed to be this messed up,
And always this blue.

Wow I can relate to the feelings! I remember when everyday felt like this and all I waited for was death. Drugs and sex were an escape from the pain of living. Good News! There's something better! Want to know?

I appreciate your thoughts but I have given up an every thing religon

Don't give up yet. The miracle will happen.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by njett566

i appreciate your thoughts but i have given up an every thing religon

---

Well all I have to say is where was god and his so called miracals when I was being abused by my own father day after day after day?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by njett566

Why did it have to be me,
To go through this hell,
All I ever wanted was a life of my own,
Now I can’t even tell.
If this is a dream,
Or if I’m wide awake,
Everyday is so dark and twisted,
I don’t know how much more I can take.
You said you would always be there,
But where were you when I needed you most,
I can’t do this on my own,
Why do I feel like you’re a ghost.
This never ending torment,
Of always feeling like ,
Nothing can change it now,
I’m down from you lethal hit.
None of this makes any sense,
And none of this is fun,
I need someone to help me,
And stop me starring down this loaded gun.
I don’t want to be here anymore,
So one more cut I’ll make,
Waiting for the day it will all end,
And my precious life I’ll take.
Up until that day,
I'll screw my life up more,
Taking all those drugs,
And cutting like before.
No one can stop me,
This is what I was meant to do,
I guess I was supposed to be this messed up,
And always this blue.

---

Omg I know how you feel that this life isn't worth it just hang in their it will get better I swear!! :)

I would believe that except the fact that this hasn't been just the last few months but the past 5 years

I wondered the same thing when my step grandfather molested me (sometimes with grandma near). I wondered this when I was raped at gunpoint at 8 by my bestfriend and her 18 year old brother. I wondered this when I was 12 and my family broke apart. I wondered this when I was 13 and was date raped. I wondered this in high school when I was suicidal and turned to sex and drugs. I wondered this when my ex-husband beat me and abused me emotionally and psychologically. I wondered this when I was a meth addict living on the street. I found the answer when I cried out to Him. He was there all along waiting for me to turn to Him. When I cried out, He was there to pick up the broken pieces of my life. He was there to hold me when I cried. He was there to heal my broken heart. He was there to give me hope again. He is here when I need Him. He is always here.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by njett566

well all i have to say is where was god and his so called miracals when i was being abused by my own father day after day after day?

---

Well if you know you have a problem well then you probably know how to fix it I don't know its sort of hard to give advise based on a poem why don't you just tell me what's wrong :confused:

God doesn't exist get over it

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by savedsinner7

I wondered the same thing when my step grandfather molested me (sometimes with grandma near). I wondered this when I was raped at gunpoint at 8 by my bestfriend and her 18 year old brother. I wondered this when I was 12 and my family broke apart. I wondered this when I was 13 and was date raped. I wondered this in high school when I was suicidal and turned to sex and drugs. I wondered this when my ex-husband beat me and abused me emotionally and psychologically. I wondered this when I was a meth addict living on the street. I found the answer when I cried out to Him. He was there all along waiting for me to turn to Him. When I cried out, He was there to pick up the broken pieces of my life. He was there to hold me when I cried. He was there to heal my broken heart. He was there to give me hope again. He is here when I need Him. He is always here.

---

Wow
I'm sorry I really am
And I say I have it rough:confused:
I'm sorry

Hell if I knew how to fix it that why would I still be needing help

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by savedsinner7

I wondered the same thing when my step grandfather molested me (sometimes with grandma near). I wondered this when I was raped at gunpoint at 8 by my bestfriend and her 18 year old brother. I wondered this when I was 12 and my family broke apart. I wondered this when I was 13 and was date raped. I wondered this in high school when I was suicidal and turned to sex and drugs. I wondered this when my ex-husband beat me and abused me emotionally and psychologically. I wondered this when I was a meth addict living on the street. I found the answer when I cried out to Him. He was there all along waiting for me to turn to Him. When I cried out, He was there to pick up the broken pieces of my life. He was there to hold me when I cried. He was there to heal my broken heart. He was there to give me hope again. He is here when I need Him. He is always here.

---

My step father molested me at least twice a week for alwost a year so don't preach that to me

I'm with you all the way mate, I feel the same (apart from the drugs), I'm still very very low but do what I do, try to GIVE advice to others and take one day at a time, if you wake up one morning and you want to end it all, no-one or nothing is going to stop you.
Take care.

Finnaly someone knows how it feels

Hey, I'm here if you need/want to talk, it might help you, unfortunately it doesn't me. If you do, let me know and I'll send you my email address.

Sorry that you see my experience as preaching. Thought this was free place to share my personal experience.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by njett566

my step father molested me atleast twice a week for alwost a year so dont preach that to me

---

You'll be fine! You're a lovely poet keep hopes up!

My dear sweetheart.

You are not alone in your pain and fears, there are a million of us that have been abused, raped, mobbed at work, not loved by family, and more. Also tried light drugs and even alcohol, am dry for over 20 years because that booze did nothing for me but worsen things. The current drugs in the world are too expensive and only worsen things for those of you who take them. What helped me was going to therapy, letting it all out, and learning a lot about myself and my ability to survive, no matter what.

I'm 56, had a wonderful job, wonderful daughter and now a super grandson. I lost my job due to too many illnesses, but I raised a wonderful kid (32 now). She never took any kind of drugs, drinks occasional wine, has a good job and a wonderful little boy. She said without me, she would not have learned and made the choices she did and is happy to have me as her mother.

I have so many medical problems right now that I feel absolutely powerless and helpless and sometimes don't want to continue.

My childhood and teen years were hell but I was too stubborn to give up - I told myself that I had just as much right to be here on this planet as anyone else and that I was not going to do them the favor of leaving.

I still feel that way and I hope that you someday can look back and see that whatever struggles you have and whatever fights you fought to maintain your rights and achieve happiness were a success.

I too feel that God had no interest in me as a child and is still too busy. So I take things into my own hands, stuggle on, and fight like hell to be heard.

Your poem touched me to no end, and I only hope that you get help to stop cutting and taking that expensive poison. Be a survivor and learn from all your memories and experiences.

I will be back from hospital in a few days and will check here again. Remember, you are not alone and we will help you as much as we can. I CARE!

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif Been there, done that, and plan on treating others better than I was treated.

trust me i know how u feel.............but onistly i really can't give u advice on this........when i was going through problems i just turned to smoking......i stop when i realized that i have my whole life to live....and that i can make it better even if i think im not worth it........im really srry...........as i read the advice that was given to u it seemed as if nothing can work 4 u......try talking to someone, im positive they will listen........but if u feel that there is no purpose for ur life, no one is stoping u.....all i want you to do is to think of the great person u can be and how many hearts u can touch if u continue poetry