Ask Me Help Desk - I have not told anyone this, but.

Quote:

Originally Posted by smiley_faces

Hello everyone,

I am new to this site but I am having a really hard time at the moment and I wanted some objective help.

My life is a bit of a mess and I don't know where to begin to be honest. My mother and father have both been clinically depressed for years and my brother is currently having treatment at a psychiatric hospital. All of the rest of our family has passed away, so it is just us. When I have problems I feel like when I go to my family, they are like "phew, you think YOU'VE got problems...".

I was sexually abused by an older boy when I was around 7 but I don't really remember when it stopped, I think maybe a year or so later. Although I don't feel depressed about that in particular, I am wondering if it has had an effect on me psychologically. I have had regular depressive-type episodes since that began. At school, although labelled as a geek, I was never the target of bullies due to my brother (he fought a lot at school and I suppose that scared a lot of them off).

When I was about 17, I was in an abusive relationship. My boyfriend videotaped me having sex with him, dumped me and blackmailed me with it. He always used to humiliate me.

At the moment I am a student. I enjoy my subject a lot, but I have lost a lot of confidence my ability. I have an amazing boyfriend (can't believe my luck!) but I am becoming increasingly jealous, as he is friends with his exes. I (obviously) am not friends with any of my exes (all of them are similar to the guy I was with when I was 17). I feel like he is miles out of my league.

My self-esteem doesn't actually exist. On the surface I can pull it together to get up in the morning and get on with things, but inside I am fighting a battle against, well, myself. I have lots of friends, but none I can talk to about this. The closest friend I have ever had was my ex-boyfriend, who left me when he found someone better.

I want to know where I can get my confidence from.

Please help if you can.

You are describing how my life began, only you are still young and you can get professional help. Try looking in the yellow pages for a counsler. If you do not have the money some therapist will help you on a sliding scale. Also, I would recommend rekindling your religious background. It is good to be close to God in the times we are living in. As for your boyfriend, you are too young to be thinking of a serious relationship right now. Focus on your career and your emotional well being right now. Wait until you are older to get involved with men. You can date men, but my advise is keep it strickly as friends. You don't have to put out to hold on to a man, and if they say you do, just move on dear.