Ask Me Help Desk - Oh my god what do I do...

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 7 months and I honestly thought that I loved her. I think that now I only really want her as a friend because she has tried to change me from what I am. I am the type who likes to go out and have fun with friends, and smoke and stuff like that. I was out for halloween last night and I met this girl called emma. She is just like me and I really like her loads. She is everything I want in a girlfriend. After we had talked for a while, we ended up kissing and generally being very coupley. I feel really comfortable with this girl and I have her number and email address as well. She wants me to call her when I figure out what to do with my girlfriend. Me and naomi (my girlfriend) have been getting further apart over the past 2 months and I fear it won't last. I really want to stay friends with her, but I need to know how to tell her aboout emma and how emma is everything I want in a girlfriend at the moment. Naomi needs to know how I feel about her trying to change me, but I can't seem to find the words, she is a great person and I do want to remain her best friend, she just needs to know that I can't be with someone who holds me back from being me, it just makes me feel depressed and down. I think I could fall in love with emma given the chance, and she has said that she really likes me too, but wants to wait and see what happens with naomi. Any advice would me more than greatly appreciated, so if anybody can help please reply as soon as possible. I'm so desperate for this to be resolved. Thank you

Hi,
I really don't know any easy way to let your current girlfriend know you don't want her as a girlfriend anymore, but you do need to have this new girl... she sounds wonderful.
There are two ways you could handle it, but Naomi won't like it, probably, and might not want to continue being good friends with you.
One way, which would probably stop you from being friends, is to just stop seeing her, don't talk with her, or communicate with her at all. Just start seeing Emma.
The other way is to talk with Naomi, and just be truthful, that you two aren't hitting it off as well now, and you want to go your separate way. Tell her you still want to be friends, but you don't have the same feelings about love with her anymore. I don't know if I would tell her about Emma or not right now.
Getting "dumped" is not something that makes anyone happy, but maybe Naomi will feel the same as you do, and want to move on.
I sincerely wish you the best, and hope everything turns out so Naomi will still be friends with you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elco

me and my girlfriend have been together for 7 months and i honestly thought that i loved her. i think that now i only really want her as a friend because she has tried to change me from what i am. i am the type who likes to go out and have fun with friends, and smoke and stuff like that. I was out for halloween last night and i met this girl called emma. she is just like me and i really like her loads. she is everything i want in a girlfriend. after we had talked for a while, we ended up kissing and generally being very coupley. i feel really comfortable with this girl and i have her number and email address aswell. she wants me to call her when i figure out what to do with my girlfriend. me and naomi (my girlfriend) have been getting further apart over the past 2 months and i fear it wont last. i really want to stay friends with her, but i need to know how to tell her aboout emma and how emma is everything i want in a girlfriend at the moment. naomi needs to know how i feel about her trying to change me, but i can't seem to find the words, she is a great person and i do want to remain her best friend, she just needs to know that i can't be with someone who holds me back from being me, it just makes me feel depressed and down. I think i could fall in love with emma given the chance, and she has said that she really likes me too, but wants to wait and see what happens with naomi. any advice would me more than greatly appreciated, so if anybody can help please reply as soon as possible. im so desperate for this to be resolved. thank you

OK, I'm the devil's advocate again here. Boy you did not tell us how old you were, so I'm assuming still pretty young and this was probably your first 'long' relationship. Face it everyone falls in and out of love many many times before they find the right one, so be fair with Naomi and tell her that it's over so that you can give her a chance to go through the 'blues' and heal, get over you and go on with her life - that's a real friend.. Just not talking with her will make her wonder what she did wrong and will hurt longer - and if you are a friend you will not let this happen. She might not want to talk to you for a long time, but at least she'll have the feeling that you respected her enough to be truthful and not just used her for your pleasure. How would you feel if a girl just dumped you and not say a word? - put yourself in her shoes and think a minute, OK? So, even if you have to practice once or twice at the mirror, do it like a man because in your life, you will have to do this several times, so it's best you start right the first time. Do some real thinking and get back with us. Remember, if you don't want to be treated like crap, don't treat others that way. Good luck and enjoy your life without hurting others on the way. Nobody likes rejection but they can accept it, as we all must many times in our lives.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_9_14.gifSayig this is hard the first time, but gets easier...

Thanks you guys for the advice, but to chery, I just want to say that we are best friends and we love each other, we are just not right, we are TOTALLY different people. I am also 22 by the way, and have had many difficult times with relationships, I have known naomi for 11 years and we have never even argued about anything.
I spoke to her yesterday and took some of fredg's advice, telling her they situation, she agreed that we should just be friends, and has said that if ever need any help woth any relationship thing then come to her, I feel so happy now but sad at the same time.. we will always be friends, but just that and will not let ourselves get involved with each other in that way again. Me and emma have talked and we think that this is for the best, I let her email naopmi and they would like to meet soon, maybe all this can turn out well? I must admit I'm still rather immature when it comes to relationship issues but woith a little help I can get through anything. Thanks to you all, I feel really nice inside..
I hope I can help anyone out who has helped me here sometime in the future, thanks again,
Elco
:) :D :p ;) :rolleyes: :o
P.S. Me and rost_th_1st are the same person. Soz for any confusion, my first dilemma was just to see if you guys offer any real help, and apparently you do, which is fantastic. THANKS ALL

Great to know we passed the test. I would not even think of wasting the time I have left in my life to sit and write just any old crap. I'm glad you and Naomi will stay friends since most people can count their real friends on one hand.

So who is Elco?

Glad this forum was of help to you because I think it's one of the best, even with the little 'bickerings' between members now and then.

Hope to see more of your eagerness to help here too.

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