I wrote a big story then accidentally deleted it, so here are just the basics.
Been with my partner since we were 15, now own a house together and are 23. Our best friend moved in about 8 months ago and we grew much closer in this time as my partner is working most weekend in which we spend time alone... for the last month or so we've been sleeping together. (we told my partner the first time and he was ty but OK with it) I already liked the best friend before he moved in (but don't think he knows that) we get on so well and seem much more compatible than me and my partner (who has changed since we we're first together) I'm worried to throw my life away for this guy if he doesn't work out but it feels so natural with him and I can't control my feelings for him. I'm also worried for my husbads health if I leave him, he loves me so much and asks me every day not to leave. We are all very close (like sleeping in the same bed most weekends) but my partner has becoem reclusive and I feel like I am so young I want to sell the house and travel and do more things before I die (opposite to him) there are so many more issues etc but I don't have time for this, I guess my question is how do I know which one to choose, I know I am a terible person and I've already hurt them both, sometimes I think I should just leave them both alone and they'd be happy.

you need about 10 years to mature it sounds like....you are treating the men like they are there to make you happy - a sign of immaturity - and will destruct your life and theirs at this rate.

Can you leave them alone?

If you have enough $, I would suggest you suggest living alone for a while. 3 in a bed will not last...

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Leaf

i can't control my feelings for him

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Of course you can!

Move away from both of them until you grow up and can think of someone besides yourself.

This is right out of a comic book. You both made a fatal error having invited a red blooded male into your home. Your not a chemist but irresponsibly mixed up a batch of hormones, chemicals and circumstances and then you took a big gob of it and stuck it on a big fish hook and then you closed your eyes and you bit down on it. A one person circus. Did you know that for all the years Lois Lane stood in front of Superman he never and she never took the other to bed. Those are the heroes as well as the tens of millions of other people out there who know the difference between a responsibility and air-headedness.

You are going to have so much time to regret your mistakes, why not just get started now.
Leave your husband who cares for you (you called him that)
Lose your home and security
Hook up with someone willing to hurt his best friend BTW, he can't afford his own place, let alone bed?
Yup, waste no time you are already 23

You need to know how to decide which one to choose?
Here's a little idea: Go for the one that you SAID you would ALWAYS be with
Maybe? But nooo, who pays attention to those petty little papers and ceremonies anymore... they mean absolutely nothing, right?
Do your husband a favor and go for the friend because we all know that's what you're going to do anyway.
You don't care about what's right, you care about what makes you feel good inside.

I agree with Ash and Wondergirl. You need to leave them both and live on your own until you get your head cleared out. You may need the services of a good therapist to help you with this.

Oh good God!

Thanks for all the replies... Just to clear one thing up I am not married to my partner, I call him my husband sometimes by mistake, simply because we have been together 8 years and we are basically like a married couple. I think I probably will leave eventually and think it is a good idea for me to go on my own first. How should I go about telling him I'm leaving when I know it will break his heart and I fear for his mental health and what he might do?

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Originally Posted by cerisa

Lose your home and security
Hook up with someone willing to hurt his best friend BTW, he can't afford his own place, let alone bed?
Yup, waste no time you are already 23

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I am only 23, I have never travelled, I have no money to do anything because I have a mortgage, I want to sell my house either way and go travelling, my partner won't do this with me, what am I supposed to do?
His best friend does love him and doesn't want to hurt him, he has told me many times and finally today that he is going to stop and I have to break up with my partner first if we are to be together, but we are so in love that it is difficult to ignore! He can afford his own house, but he has just been through his own messy break up last year and in NZ, no, you can't afford a house on your own! Besides love is not about money!

This sounds like a Jerry Springer episode, I'm sorry but I had to say it. Chicka, my opinion is to break it off with both of them sell your house and go and be alone for a while and take some time to grow and figure yourself out.

Hello.

You can never leave one person for another, it never works. If your not happy in a relationship then get out, find yourself then and only then can you start another relationship.

I say do your guy a favor and up and leave with (or without) his friend so he doesn't have to live out the drama of you cheating on him until you decide the bubble gum is stale and you want the greener grass. Then he will see what you are both about and can get on with his life and find someone with stable emotions.

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Leaf

besides love is not about money!

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You'll notice 'love' to be fleeting when its not around.

How do I choose between my long term partner or my lover,
I have been with my partner for 8 years and we own a house together (we are 23yo)
Our long time friend (his best friend) moved in with us after breaking up with his fiancé and we are all very very close,
We do everything together and over the last 8 month the friend and I grew very close,
We are much more compatible than my partner and I and over the last few month we have been having an affair,
My partner knows of this, he has asked me to stop but has not asked his friend to move out, as I said before we are all extremely close and often we all sleep in the same bed.
I think my partner is afraid of losing us both if he makes a fuss, this has happened before some years back but we moved out of that situation and I stuck with my partner.
The friend feels horrible and loves my partner as much as I do, but we are so close as well and find it so hard to hide our feelings for each other.
I love my partner, I feel like I owe it to him to stick by him, but I also love the friend. I want us to be like we were before this happened but I'm not sure if this is possible now?
What should I do?

Oh come on now... the first time around wasn't enough? Everyone that answered you in your first post 3 days ago probably hasn't changed their opinions. See attached.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...nd-143268.html

You heard it before and I went back to read your other post - what you need is to get out on your own, your very own and make your own mark in the world. If you three were all happy like three eggs in the nest, who would care? But you are not happy, your partner is not happy - so go and make a change. You stay there because it offers you some security and you do not have to venture out and become independent. You are 23 years old already. Time to grow up.

OK, just wanted to word it better and in that time also my view changed slightly. I wanted to leave my partner before, now I'm not so sure, anyway threesomes work? Could I convince them of this since we were all so close before and the only thing that's changed is sex!?

I think you should be ashamed to be honest ^_^

Umm I didn't read your info just the tittle. YOUR MArried honor your commitment. What is wrong with people now a days. You loved him at one point, find that again