Hello. I was having a discussion with my brother's girlfriend, who just turned 19 last month, about her future and wanting to have more kids. Her and my brother had a little boy in March, and he'll be 7 months on the 22nd of this month.

She was explaining to me how she was so excited to have more kids, but she was planning to wait until her son was a year old.

I was voicing my concerns about the situation, telling her how she is so young, and has plenty of time. She is currently in school taking online classes, she does not work, and my brother has a good-paying job, but it's not reliable. Hell, he didn't even get his last paycheck because the company was short on funds.

Am I out of line telling her it's not a good idea? I mean, they're great parents, but they are not financially stable enough. They weren't enough financially ready to take on their first child.

When I talk to her about this, she gets VERY upset, and thinks I am scolding her, or putting her and my brother down as parents. I am not, though!

You're definitely right. She doesn't need to be popping out any more kids any time soon. She needs to focus on improving herself. She needs to finish school and get a job. She can't just keep having kids until she is financially stable enough to help support them as your brother is. Does she not care about improving herself and her/her kids future? The more kids she has right now, the more unhappier she'll end up because of more financial troubles and it could end up causing a lot of stress on their marriage. I completely agree with you. Don't feel bad about it, someone needs to talk some sense into her. Has your brother talked to her about this also, or does he feel the same way she does?

You're right to be concerned. It isn't right to bring a child in to the world if there is a possibility that one day you won't be able to feed it. It's a good thing to wait until your more mature to start a family and obviously she's not mature enough to realize the concequences.
You want to help her the best you can, but at the same time not make her mad. If she gets really mad about the subject talk to your brother, he's the one who is bringing home the bacon. Get him to talk to her.
If both of them won't listen, don't pursue it to the point where they won't talk to you.
Sometimes people have to make mistakes and learn from them.

Hi dear, my opinion is a little different, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks this way.
If financial and job security were the only pre-requisites for having children, then Pacistan, Brazil, India, and Africa would look a lot different now. And so would a lot of cities in the United States. I'm not saying this is all right, but who's to say it's all wrong?? Some religions even advocate it whether you can feed the children or not - which I think is wrong.
It is a basic human need to want children and to love them and do the best you can to raise them. Now there are so many people in the world with "alternate lifestyles" who cannot biologically have children too.
So, I'd say to those who have a roof, love, enough to eat, and the need to have and care for children, they should do so.
I wanted more children myself, but was only blessed with one. So I laud those women who want to have and love as many children as they want. I've known poor families with 7 children and they couldn't be happier. The oldest one is studying to be a doctor, and two more are working and helping to support the family. They live in the same street and watch over each other. This is what real families are like.
The whole world is changing day to day, so give them a chance at their happiness and morally support them as best you can.
If they both want more children, tell them you love them and that you'll be there for them no matter what.

I believe each person should do what is right them and their family. Although your option is that of very intelligent and mature person it may be best to keep it to yourself unless you asked to give it. If she asked you if you thought she should start growing her family so soon then you have every right to tell her how you feel. Life is short and having a large family can be such a blessing. Money is not everything. When he is grown your nephew will probably be grateful to have siblings to enjoy holidays with.

I'm 20 and I have a 18 month old now... at the beginning when my daughter was up to like 6 montha to a year old I thought it wasn't too hard and that maybe I wanted another baby... But did things change now that she's getting closer to 2... Maybe she'll change her mind... not to not have another baby but just to wait a little while... Maybe she'll come to her senses on her own like me... This is not even a financial issue... If I do have another 1 it will be not so close to soon... Maybe you should give her the advice going towards herself.. telling her she can accomplish so much and to worry about herself and the 1 baby she has right now.. Maybe motivating her to do something so she won't get cought up home having babies at such a young age b.c she could do so much more...

You all gave helpful advice. Thank you!! :)

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Originally Posted by babieface85

I believe each person should do what is right them and their family. Although your option is that of very intelligent and mature person it may be best to keep it to your self unless you asked to give it. If she asked you if you thought she should start growing her family so soon then you have every right to tell her how you feel. Life is short and having a large family can be such a blessing. Money is not everything. When he is grown your nephew will probably be grateful to have siblings to enjoy holidays with.

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Siblings can be a comfort, to each other and their parents. What more can a person ask for? The world is full of people who treat you like strangers and some are really not worth getting to know.

A career woman can work her but off all her life, but who does she have when she can no longer produce in this society's standards and who does she later go home to or visit?

It's all in the choices we make and we can only hope we make the right ones.

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Originally Posted by babieface85

Life is short and having a large family can be such a blessing. Money is not everything.

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Yeah, I totally agree, don't get me wrong, but when you are not able to fully provide the basic needs all the time (ie: diapers, formula, etc.) for your first kid, I just don't think it's smart to keep having kids. They get help from the state for their son, but in addition to that, they need more sometimes. They have had to borrow money on numerous occasions because they needed to get the baby diapers or get him medicine for a bug he had.

When I have talked to her about this, I have tried to make it very clear (or so I thought) that I was not trying to discourage them, or put them down.