All right, I know you all are getting sick of my story but I really would like some advice because I keep getting myself in too deep.
For those of you who don't know, there is this guy in almost all my classes and I really like him. He had been trying to be with me for a whole year and maybe more and when I gave him the attention he longed for her moved on to my friend. I tried ignoring them, not thinking about them, but having them 24/7 in my face was NOT helping at all. After being close to my friend he left her, and then came back to me. Of course, I was weak, and accepted him back happily. And today...
The last period was a free period, my friend and I were talking (the same girl, yeah I'm totally dumb for staying her friend, I know). He was sitting on a chair next to us and trying to annoy us and make loud and crazy sounds to interrupt us while talking. Then the teacher called on me and I went to the front of the room to help her out. Just as I turned around I saw him coming close to my friend, leaning on the desk getting really close, arm on her shoulder, leaning his face close to hers and flirting, as if he was waiting for me to leave! As if I was just a pain. Exactly like he was using me to get to my friend, like SO many told me but I was too dumb to respond to the truth because I liked him. I just stood up and walked a couple of feet, looked back and he was already hitting on her. My "friend" was of course very pleased.
I just felt heartbroken. I couldn't control the look in my eyes when he looked at me after that. I started talking with another friend so I wouldn't go back to them. I felt like I was an intruder all along, like he was counting the minutes till I leave,
I don't want to go to school tomorrow, call me a caward, but I can't stand the pain. There is a hole in my chest, and I don't think it will ever come whole again. I have been through a lot in my life, and realized it only has pain and suffering to offer.
What do I do? Any advice? Am I wrong? I am caring, loving, funny, sweet, kind, honest, respectful, modest, and many people tell me I'm beautiful, but now whenever I look in the mirror I see the ugliest person looking back at me. Why would he go to her? When did people chose snobs on sweeties?
All I know now is that I feel a pain I have tried for so long not to feel. Whenever I move on in life I find myself in a bigger hole than the one before. As I said, I realize life only has pain and suffering to offer... I give up