I'm married, but became very close with an old friend last year. In the beginning, we talked constantly and had an instant connection. He wanted to talk to me all the time. Then, all of a sudden, he said that he didn't think we should talk anymore because I'm married. I am very confused. We still see each other because we're in the same circle of friends, and he randomly calls late at night sometimes when he's had too much to drink, but then pretends like he doesn't remember the next day. I miss our friendship and sometimes think I had stronger feelings for him. I know this is dishonest to my husband, but he travels and I'm alone a lot, and I really miss this person on so many levels. I feel like he was giving me something I was missing in my marriage... a lot of attention, compliments... he made me feel so young and excited! He told me he loved and missed me and wanted me to leave my husband and be with him. I can't stop feeling like I did something wrong, but I can't figure out what! I know it isn't just that I'm married, because he knew that from the very start and it wasn't a problem for him then. Now, I seem to be an annoyance to him. I don't understand how you change your feelings for someone so quickly with no explanation. Will I ever talk to him again? Is there anything I can do/say? I miss him so much it hurts! Thank you for any advice you can provide.

I think you know the to this you need to decide what you want either you husband or this man because its sounds like you both have feelings for each other and you need to decide what you want and don't froget that your husband needs to work to support the family and you so you can't blame him him for being that man and rember you said forever!!

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Originally Posted by donnasull99

I'm married,

I know this is dishonest to my husband, but he travels and I'm alone a lot, and I really miss this person on so many levels. I feel like he was giving me something I was missing in my marriage...a lot of attention, compliments...he made me feel so young and excited! He told me he loved and missed me and wanted me to leave my husband and be with him. I can't stop feeling like I did something wrong, but I can't figure out what! I know it isn't just that I'm married, because he knew that from the very start and it wasn't a problem for him then. Now, I seem to be an annoyance to him. I don't understand how you change your feelings for someone so quickly with no explanation. Will I ever talk to him again? Is there anything I can do/say? I miss him so much it hurts! Thank you for any advice you can provide.

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The only sound advice I can give you is to take a good look at your marriage and write down the pros and cons and discuss this with your husband.
What do you two do when he is at home and not away? Do you share quality time or do you just stay quiet and go through a boring routine?
If you really cared about your marriage you'd be talking with each other or seeing a counselor to help you get that spark back.

At first, it seems as if this other guy wanted to relive the past with you even though you are married. Then, he probably realized that if you would be willing to cheat on your husband, what would prevent you from cheating on him if you were free to be with him. That would turn any man off.

It might have been a test initiated by your husband to see if there was anything left to your relationship - and you failed with flying colors.

There really is no encouraging advice I can give you because no matter what we suggest, you'll do as you want anyway. At this point the only one your are faithful toward is yourself, so please make your choice and be happy with it.

Wishing you luck,

You're playing with fire. You've already developed feelings for him. Your friends feelings aren't gone, he's just doing the right thing. In case you've forgotten you're married, and he feels you and him can never be. You've already emotionally cheated on your husband and if you aren't happy in your marriage it's not going to get better by you perpetuating the situation. You need to turn to your husband and tell him what you need before the marriage is lost for good. You aren't doing this the moral way. I've seen this before, a woman is married, husband is distant, she makes an EMOTIONAL connection to fill that void, marriage suffers. It's classical. Your husband should be your #2 priority behind yourself this guy shouldn't be on the radar right now. You have to talk to your husband and try and save the marriage. I mean you did marry him right? For better or for worse, right? Well you have to turn to him and see if you can reignite what's been lost. Then and only then if it doesn't work can you contemplate leaving. Don't lie to yourself and say that you're seeking a "friendship" with this other guy, I mean come on be honest , late night calls, missing him this much. You can't be friends and won't be for a long while. Cheers.