Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and a half now. He smokes weed and I know most people don't have a problem with weed but I do and it's a big one too. I know everyone here needs answers but I am desperate for any kind of advice. The addiction didn't bother me the first year but things suddenly changed and our relationship went downhill. I live in Namibia in Africa, we do have rehabs here but he just got a new job and we can't afford it. He doesn't have medical aid so he can't go to a doctor for advice, so I went to see my doctor who's an old family friend and asked him for advice, instead he told me that he will see my boyfriend for free! I have tried everything, but the thing is he already lied to me about quitting twice and we are constantly fighting about this and I have been so depressed for six months now and I have been on antidepressants, but it made me so sick I couldn't even get out of bed or eat. The weird thing is he really wants to quit and he asked me for help and I have really tried everything hopefully this is going to help. So is there anyone out there who can help me please, we both really need this I love him so much.

That is the problem with being in a relationship with someone that does drugs whether it is weed or whatever. You find the things you love about them and then the addiction takes over or seems to and then it spirals downhill from there and they are not willing or can't choose the relationship over the drug and you are left out in the cold as the addiction being priority.

Been there, couldn't deal with it!

Sweetie, you may not like what I am going to say, but it's the truth. You really don't love him right now. You love what you wish he was and/or what you see he is capable of being. In addition, there is NOTHING that you can do to help him to quit except look after yourself. Hun, if your life is so bad that you are that depressed that you went on anti-depressants then you need to change it.

Tell him that you don't love him the way that he is - that you want him drug free and sober/straight. Tell him that you will stand beside him when he is off the drugs, but until he has been clean for at least six months, that you have to distance yourself because it is causing you so much pain. Tell him that the doctor is willing to try to help him for free, provide him the information, but tell him that for now, things must end between you. Also give him the information for Narc-Anon. You will find general information at that link. Here is the link for the Narc-Anon Meeting Locator. I took a quick look for Namibia and see that there are meetings in Luderitz at Bergecke Flats (Nachtigal Street No. 3) Thursday evenings at 1630 hrs. They are open meetings, which means that people who are not addicts can attend. He must do this for himself, Chery, not for you or anyone else.

For you, I would highly recommend Al-Anon. It is a support group for friends and families of alcoholics, but they also offer support to the loved ones of people with other addictions. They will really help you to understand your role in his addiction, and guide you in the best ways to deal with things. It might seem a bit strange at first, but I promise you, if you can find some support through them and you stick to it, it will have very positive results. It will also help him to understand how much his addiction is affecting your life.

Good luck, sweetie. Take care of yourself and the rest will probably all fall into place.

Hugs, Didi

As a recovering addict who has attended NA meetings, I have over 7 years clean. You can't make someone get clean if they don't want to, and can't get clean without God. If you want some insight send me a private message and we can talk. Kel

Grandmadiddi is right an addict may really love you but it isn't the right kind of love.
Guys with addictions tend to love with a selfish one way love. They love that you love them and what you can do for them. And you end up loving the idea of being in love but you cheat yourself from your full potential. There are things about an addict that you can't help loving but it's an unhealthy love.

K first off weed doesn't have addictive properties it isn't addictive at all
So therefore your boyfriend isn't a drug addict he simply enjoys weed just like you'd enjoy
A milkshake or a massage or even a beer

Secondly you're the one hurting you're relationship because by having such a "BIG PROBLEM" with weed he has to go out of his way to smoke weed while you're not around
Wich clearly is not helping you get closer in any way and by making him feel like a drug addict you're wondering why you're relationship is spiraling downwards.

Third... people who smoke weed don't need rehab or aa because like I said they aren't addicted and they won't relapse and "NEED WEED" when they don't have it or have any withdrawal effects.

So my message to you would be to quit going behind his back to doctors and making him think he has a problem and that he's denying it and hiding some serious addiction from you
And that if you bring him to rehab that he's going to collapse crying saying he knows he has a problem and quit trying to control him because obviously if he's with you he's in love with you what's wrong with him also enjoying something he likes to do

O and by the way
You're quite hypocritical to be on anti depressants those are dangerous for you and are a wayyyyy harder drug then weed will ever be so at this point your boyfriend could call you the drug addict how's that feel to be called eh?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by alabamaman

K first off weed doesnt have addictive properties it isnt addictive at all
so therefore your bf isnt a drug addict he simply enjoys weed just like youd enjoy
a milkshake or a massage or even a beer

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While weed isn't physically addictive like heroin, and it's possible to smoke a small amount over a long period, some people increase their use and become psychologically dependent, so that they find it hard to get through the day without a spliff.
So you are wrong, it is addictive in psychological sense and therefore these people do NEED WEED and will feel the effects of withdrawal from it. My own son smokes weed and has a serious problem with it. He can't stop and is psychologically dependent on it. In my eyes he is an addict!

You but it doesn't cause any physical withdrawal symptoms

I agree the anti depressants are probably worse because they contain man made ingredients that affect everybody differently and it is best to try the most natural means to heal your body and mind BUT as Suzieb said weed IS psychologically dependent and therefore can be just as hard to give up even though it is not physically addicting.
I don't think it is unreasonable for her to not want him to smoke it in the house or around her. I know I don't smoke it and I don't want any second hand smoke in my lungs from it.
80% of my friends are pot smokers and drug addicts. I am the one that has to compromise except when it comes to my own home. Weed smokers and drug addicts don't want to give it up any more than a beer, massages or a milkshake. Exactly what I am saying they do not want to give it up therefore they won't so it is up to her to decide can she live the rest of her life like this or should she seriously consider moving on.